THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
Want to search COM for previous posts? Put a keyword in the left hand corner by the spyglass. You got a word Cranky probably had something to say,
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perfectly well that this post (a weak post at that) was tongue in cheek and not
a pure reflection of my admittedly conservative nature (I like to think of myself as “conservative with a heart,”) and yet
her Liberal slanted do-gooder mind could not let it rest.She had to give me a bit of a jab.
We had a back and forth email discussion as sometimes happens between bloggers and
ultimately Lo admitted that though she could not turn down someone in need, any
charity she dispensed might also involve some heavy Jewish Mother Guilt.
Thus was the
seed planted for this slightly facetious, but not totally unrealistic solution
to the problem today of welfare for the lazy.Please note I say welfare for the lazy, not welfare for the needy.
The Following post is a “CrankyLo” production:
apparently a tradition in the Jewish culture which I am aware of only through
acquaintances not personal knowledge, that a Jewish Mother will not turn away
from the needs of her children, but will attend to them only after dispensing
so much guilt that the child will hesitate to ask for assistanceagainexcept in
the most extreme circumstances.
“Sure I can help you out with some
money; you wouldn’t have even needed to ask if only you would call more
often.Mrs. Goldman’s son calls her
every night.He is a very busy successful
doctor, still he finds the time.I guess
you are too busy trying to be a writer to call your mother who gave birth to
you after 48 painful hours.You know you
were breach don’t you.Today I pee when
I sneeze and I think of you.
How much money do you need?”
It is this
Jewish Mother Guilt balancing compassion with lecture and assistance with pain,
which drives Jewish men to success.Hard
work is less painful in the Jewish culture than accepting help with a dose of Jewish
is how we should weed out the truly needy in our country from the truly lazy.Government assistance should be dispensed
with a heaping helping of guilt.
The first thing to be done is to put Jewish Mothers in
charge of all of the Government Entitlement Programs and Agencies.
For existing claims, every outgoing envelope containing food
stamps or an entitlement check should be accompanied by a small handwritten
note, tear-stained and with a few blurred letters saying........."how come
you never write.......you never call.....?"
for assistance must be made in person and should be handed out with a guilt
“Excuse me ma’am, I am out of work
and looking for some help; maybe a government handout?”
“Yes Bubala, you need help?You seem like a strong young man, you can’t
work?My son who lost a foot while
serving in the army to defend your freedom to ask for help, he found a job.Is hard labor beneath you?Oy vey, you can’t wash a dish? Call me meshugana,
but you seem to be an intelligent young man, you should go to school, be
somebody, you shouldn’t have to ask for help.Do you even have a spine?I can
help you if you are incapable of any useful contribution to society. Here take
some money.You want more? Just come in every week, tell me what you are
doing to better yourself, show me you have some initiative, go to school, take
small jobs; anything!Call me, I am here
to help, why don’t you ever call? Other people call me.You are out of work, are you too busy to
call?Why don’t you…..”
“STOP!PLEASE STOP! I can work, I’ll go back to
school, anything, whatever it takes for you to stop with the guilt!”
“Ok, if that is what you really want,
but you’ll still call right?”
We need a
little “Jewish Mother Guilt.” It won’t end the need for government assistance,
but it would sure reduce the rolls.