NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 031013


STUPID HEADLINES 031013

It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
 
 
I would keep checking periodically, just in case.


9 Secrets from a 73-Year MarriageAlways remember,  the first 50 years are the hardest.

Georgia city may require all residents to own guns – Bullets are optional.

US accuses Iran of 'deception and delay' with nuclear program – US also claims Iran is not very nice, and their leaders have bad breath!

NYC mayor to target teens wearing loud earbuds - “Turn those things down.” “WHAT?” “Turn those things down.”  “WHAT?” Turn those things down.” “WHAT?” Turn those things down.” “WHAT?”  Turn those things down.” “WHAT?” Turn those things down.” “WHAT?” “Never mind.”  “WHAT?”

Florida bill would require anger management courses for bullet buyers – Forced anger management course?  Great idea, piss off people with guns!

Venezuela Expels 2 US Diplomats; Vice President Claims Hugo Chavez was Poisoned – Joe Kennedy would like to thank Citco, the people of Venezuela, and President Hugo Chavez* for a couple of hundred gallons of free fuel oil.  Way to go Joe (YOU SELL OUT!)
 

Paris Hilton poses for a picture while boyfriend lays injured in the background Paris goes kinky again in this picture!  Article does not specify how many injured her boyfriend laid in the background.

Al Gore sued over sale of Current TV to Al-JazeeraGore demands a recount!  Former VP was going to sell TV Station to the African nation, The Republic of Chad, but that country kept him hanging. 
(Oh stop friggin groaning)

North Korea vows nuclear attack on US, as UN prepares to vote on sanctions – Dennis Rodman remarks, “Other than the threat of nuclear annihilation, Kim is actually ‘a pretty cool dude.’”
 

Environmentalists warn nuclear war could increase global warming, “In some places as much as 150,000,000 degrees!”

Texas Church Plans to Hold Services in Bar – I don’t know about the sermon, but it should be the best communion EVER!

Applebee’s waitress asks patron for ID, gets own stolen driver’s license in return – Waitress refused to serve the thief, “I’m sorry, but I’m not 21 yet!”

Lower tuition for illegal immigrant students passes Colorado House – I have four years to teach my son how to climb a fence

Kentucky police officer fined $2 for striking handcuffed suspect multiple times – Officer slapped a two-bit crook 16 times, fine seems about right.

Oklahoma police find loaded gun hidden in woman's private parts – Oklahoma police the first men to ever find the “G” spot!

 

 
*RIP Hugo…Is that sulfur you smell?

10 comments:

  1. "Oklahoma police find loaded gun hidden in woman's private parts"

    Hey, I've seen some of those Okie women. You could hide a good-sized arsenal in their fat folds. I'd consider them all "armed and dangerous".

    S

    ReplyDelete
  2. i did groan at the hanging chad... :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm laughing, I'm groaning, I'm wondering......
    How and where do you find these gems week after week?

    Most intriguing (and most convoluted comment)....Paris Hilton......WTF?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Don't know where you find these - you must spend hours dong research. Love them

    ReplyDelete
  5. No groans here. Gore's hanging Chad was my favorite. Closely followed by kinky Paris Hilton.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I had an English teacher who drilled us in the fine distinction between "lays" and "lies."

    Clearly, the writer of the Paris Hilton bit did not have the same teacher.

    ReplyDelete
  7. A policeman gets fined two bucks for hitting someone, but I get one for a hundred dollars for driving on my own in a T2 lane? Where's the fairness in that! I should have hit the cop who wrote the ticket. He could have added the two bucks to the fine while he was there, it would have been totally worth it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Haha Joe - where DO you find them???

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks to you, I don't have to read the newspaper or watch the news. I get all my pertinent information from you. :)

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!