Why I can’t Be Left
Alone
Mrs. C has
been away on business. She is manager of a ballroom dance studio and it is
having a big four-day competition in Connecticut, which means she has been away
for five days…she left early to avoid a big storm.
I have been a bachelor for all that time. The first day I lived the bachelor life. Watched TV, practiced guitar, went to the gym, grilled a steak (it was too cold for a cigar) and had some scotch and even a little wine. Being a bachelor is nice. I enjoyed it for a day. From then on I missed Mrs. C.
Shhhhh, don’t let her know.
So, now I
was all by myself, cooking and eating alone was not such a big deal, getting a
little buzz was not all that great, and sleeping alone was weird. I had no one to tease and have my nipples
twisted. No one to hide deserts under a
towel. No one to explain what was
happening on TV, and I had too much time to do stupid stuff.
What stupid
stuff?
Grooming.
Why is
grooming stupid?
Well, I hate
having Brezhnev eyebrows. You know those
overgrown bushy things on the 1970’s Russian Premier. I trim mine from time to time with scissors
and a comb.
Well now I
was all alone, and I thought, “Why use scissors, I have a special razor for trimming
my beard, why not also use it to trim my eye brows?”
Mrs. C would
have said “Don’t do it!”
Mrs. C was
not here to say “Don’t do it!”
I did it.
So now one
brow is kinda shaved real funny. It will
grow back, but for the next few days I will have to adjust my glasses, and
angle my head in just such a way that the shaved eye brow will not be too
obvious.
Mrs. C is
going to give me the business for this mistake.
I say it is
her fault.
She
shouldn’t leave me alone!
get yourself to a theatrical costume place and buy a pair of replacement eyebrows.
ReplyDeleteMen do the weirdest things when they are left alone.
Barber shops ot beauticians live to groom wild eyebrows.
ReplyDeleteThey almost beg to do them.
Something tells me your nipples are gonna be sorry that you messed with your eyebrows.
ReplyDeleteYou are in for it now, Buster!
ReplyDeleteYour eyebrows are the first thing she'll notice upon her return. I guarantee it. I kind of liked hubby being gone; he goes rarely but I do like the TV remote to myself without having to justify why I might want to watch a particular show :)
ReplyDeletebetty
Buy an eyebrow pencil and get practicing, you might be amazed at what you can do and let's face it your nipples might be pleased.
ReplyDeleteHa! Now I'm picturing Yosemite Sam with only one eyebrow.
ReplyDeleteHey, I wonder if that's why my hubby decided to go to Chicago this weekend with me!
ReplyDeleteOh no, you shouldn't have done that, but you know that now. I'm very sure you'll never do it again either. You are such fun.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
Lesson learned! At least you won't have to hear any 'I told you so's'
ReplyDeleteHey, you just need more practice! Season with Rogain and try try again ... ;-)
ReplyDeleteOh boy, you blew it.
ReplyDeleteYou get matches? When my wife is gone she takes the matches with her. She knows me well. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnyway to even them up? You have time, try the eyebrow pencil. Otherwise, just brace for what you know is coming.
ReplyDeleteYou're gonna be sorry!!
ReplyDeleteThere is no end to the trouble men can get into when left to their own devices.
ReplyDeleteTwisted nipples?? I'm going to be a bachelorette in April. I'll start missing my husband the second day. Uneven eyebrows are definitely better than the Brezhnev look.
ReplyDeleteYep. I'd back you up on that. We'd have to hope for an all male jury, or the case would be laughed out of court, but I'm with you dude.
ReplyDeleteR
Next time, you get to go along, since you can't be left unattended. That or you have to go visit other relatives.
ReplyDeleteLOL The few times I go off by myself it doesn't take long for the phone to ring: "Honey, where's the can opener? Can I defrost that beef in the freezer? How? What time does the mail come? Should I feed the cats? Every day?" OMG
ReplyDeleteWhy does it need to be warm for a cigar?
ReplyDelete