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Thursday, August 5, 2021

Here We Go Again

 

Here We Go Again



With the resurgence of the new Covid variant, it looks like we (New Jersey) will be required to mask up again.  Not mandatory yet, but more and more I see people with masks at the supermarket.  I would bet anything that all these people are vaccinated. 

Why so sure?  Because 70% of those over 12 in Jersey are vaccinated.

Also, those that don’t get vaccinated are prone to avoid the masks.

How do I stand on masking?  As if a cranky old man’s opinion means anything, I give it a big MEH!

I do believe in science.  Science is by my Googled definition;

the intellectual and practical activity encompassing the systematic study of the structure and behavior of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment.

Key words being “Study” Observation” and “Experiment.”

So, the SCIENCE of masking and Covid still involves study, observation and experiment.  The science has not been established; current science opinion has been established by a majority of scientists.  Not the same.

Still, wearing a mask can not, for the most part hurt, especially for retired old cranky people who spend about 30 minutes a week in a “Mask Up” environment.

The mask thing reminds me of meal time in college.  

In our fraternity, we were required to wear a jacket and tie for meals.  A nice tradition going back to the hoidy-toidy frat rules of the early 1900’s.  Many members loved this rule as they were still hoidy-toidy.  Many did not like the rule as it was antiquated and stupid.

The hoidy-toidy (maskers) demanded the jacket and tie, or you could not eat.

Everyone else (anti-maskers) wanted to eat, so all wore a jacket and tie to meals. 

But rules can be sticky and results are not always what rule makers are expecting.

The hoidy-toidy all came to meals fresh scrubbed and in their finest jacket and tie.  The rest came to meals with outrageous flowery clip-on ties and flamboyant seldom washed and stained with Chef Boyardee’s finest sauce, jackets.

Masks are kind of the same.  While some double mask with hospital approved masks, many, if not most, strap on crappy cloth things, often not covering their main breather…THE NOSE…and removed whenever they need to…TALK UP CLOSE

Further, when wearing the mask and within 20 feet of someone smoking a cigarette, I can smell the smoke.  Pretty sure the covid shit, which I can not see, can get through the mask as easily as the smoke which I can see.

You can require a tie; you cannot require class or taste.

You can require a mask; you can not enforce the behavior.

Still, it can’t hurt, so rather than get the stink eye or get into a political hoo-ha with others, I will wear the damn thing.  As a protest that only a few old-school college friends will understand, maybe I will also wear a crappy tie clipped on to my tee shirt.

Meanwhile, unless you have the antibodies or have a doctor’s recommendation against it because of some other condition, you might want to get the shot (s).

Friday, July 30, 2021

Not My Job

 

Not My Job




Mrs. C and I have very specific household chore assignments. 

Laundry – Mrs. C

Vacuum – Cranky

Clean bathrooms – Cranky (Except shower floor – Mrs. C)

Drive anywhere – Mrs. C

Move stuff around when guests come over so it looks like we are not a sloppy household – Mrs. C

Anything that needs to be done by telephone – Mrs. C

Plan anything – Mrs. C

Make meals – On our own (except grilling – Cranky/Lasagna – Mrs. C)

Refill coffee cans, sugar and coffee creamer – Mrs. C

Fix broken stuff – Mrs. C

Put new stuff together – Mrs. C

Anything on a ladder – Cranky

I’m guessing most of this is pretty standard, but it does get a little weird:

Load dishes in dishwasher – Mrs. C

Rearrange loaded dishwasher – Cranky

Load flatware in dishwasher – Cranky

Unload dishwasher – Cranky

Rearrange unloaded dishes – Mrs. C

Clean Tupperware and steak knives – Mrs. C

Separate junk mail from mail – Mrs. C

Put separated junk-mail in recycle box – Cranky

“Is this junk-mail?”

“Yes”

“Why don’t you put it in the recycle box, it’s only two feet away?”

“It’s your job.”

Turn out porch light – Cranky

“Did you turn out the porch light.”

“No.”

“But you were just downstairs.”

“It’s your job.”

Take out the garbage – Cranky

Replace plastic bag in kitchen garbage pail – Mrs. C

Put the top back on the kitchen garbage pail – Cranky

“Why don’t you put the top back on?  You take it off, why leave it on the floor, just put it back on!”

“It’s your job.”

I have no idea how these job assignments came to pass.  There is no rhyme or reason.  Some assignments are downright silly.

Works for us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Enlightened, maybe, but Confused

 

Enlightened, maybe, but Confused



 The other day there was a bit of a kerfuffle about a transgender athlete who will be allowed to compete in the Olympics as a weight-lifter.  The complaint by some was that a transgender athlete, in this case a male transitioning to female, would inherently have an advantage over the female born athletes.

First of all, I never thought I would ever use the term “female born.” I have spent most of my life with a gender mind set of male, or female.  I came eventually to learn and accept that some males preferred to have sex with other males and some females prefer sex with other females.  It is confusing to me, but I understand it.  Actually, gay male sex is confusing to me; lesbianism makes perfect sense.

I must be enlightened. 

Then I learned that some males and some females would have sex regardless of genders, they had no preference.  OK, confusing, but as long as people are happy, who cares.  I have known several people that spent a large portion of their lives living a gender preference lie.  They were miserable.  When their preferred life style became more acceptable they changed teams and are now happier.  As Martha would say, “It’s a good thing.”

Back to the weight-lifter.  I can see both sides of the argument.  Female born athletes would have a disadvantage against the strength of a male who changes to female.  On the other hand, doesn’t the male turned female deserve the chance to compete?

My position is, if you have chosen to have your penis cut in two and reshaped to a fake vigina, is lifting-weights in Japan really so important? Seems like nothing compared to changing a perfectly good penis into a probably unattractive vigina.

I recently saw another article which explained the 11 different gender types and the associated pronouns to address these people.  The Gay/ Lesbian community is now the LGBTQQIP2SAA community.

 
LGBTQQIP2SAA stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersex, pansexual, two-spirit (2S), androgynous and asexual. Two-spirit is term used by some indigenous North Americans to describe those who fulfil a traditional third-gender ceremonial role.

No, I did not make this up.  And how did queer get in there?  I thought that was a politically incorrect designation.

OK, I am not enlightened.  What I am, I just learned is cisgender.

What is cisgender?  It is apparently someone who identifies with the same sex as the sex they had at birth.  I mean, when I apply for something and they ask for my gender and I put “cisgender”, it now requires another question:

“If cisgender, what was your given sex at birth?

Basically, cisgender is otherwise known as most people, or normal; though “Normal” is a derogative term when applied to gender.  I don’t know about you, but I think this term is totally ridiculous. 

Confused yet?

I think the gender alphabet should be LGBTQQIPS2AAN.  Why not add normal to the mix.

How did it suddenly become so complicated? 

Look, I don’t care, cuddle whomever you want, as long as it is consentual, I’m fine with it…confused, but fine.  I say no to children, dead people and animals, that cannot be consentual, otherwise enjoy.  None of my business.   

Is that enlightened?

 

 

 

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

Graphic Equalizer

 

Graphic Equalizer




Remember these things?  I have not seen one in a long time.

I just saw an old quiz show where someone won a stereo system with a GRAPHIC EQUALIZER!

They used to have these on anything sonic.  The more up and down tabs the better.  Base, treble, left, right, Mhz, Htvz, Crtz, Xyzz, who the Hell knew what they were for?

I only know that the more you had, the fancier you felt.  Slap on that LP and start messing with your GRAPHIC EQUALIZER to get the sound perfect.  You would mess with the left right, then when that was just right, experiment with different levels of bass and treble.  When those were perfect you experimented with the Mhz, PHdz, the whoozis and the whatziz until you were convinced that the sound was perfect for your stereophonic delight.

Was it just me, or did everyone of those up and down tab settings always end up exactly in the middle?

Does new technology still have GRAPHIC EQUALIZERS?  Does is take a teenager to find them?

or

Are they all just automatically set in the middle?

Monday, July 26, 2021

Disney Hall of Presidents

 

Disney Hall of Presidents



 

I just read where Disney World is adding Joe Biden to its “Hall of Presidents” exhibition.  Have you ever been to this?  It is my favorite. 

Mrs. C is a Disney Vacation Club Member.  This membership allows us to visit Disney World once a year, or other Disney resorts depending on some points deal that is so complicated that only Disney Aficionados can figure it out.  I only know that this membership which cost a pretty penny also has a large yearly expense called a maintenance fee.

By my estimation this maintenance fee, given we get maybe a one week visit a year, costs about $150 an hour for lawn cutting, flower watering, and general cleaning. 

Seems expensive to me.

I don’t get why people love Disney.  All the children are whiney as they get tired from all the walking and waiting, plus at the end of every ride you have to pass through a Disney Crap selling room where all the whiney children have to have anything with ears. 

You can’t really blame the children too much.  Every Disney commercial looks like so much fun for children.  They have expectations of dancing with Mickey and hugging all the Princesses.  Never happens!  Maybe there is a photo opt after a half hour wait, but I am sure children are always disappointed.

Anyway, when we do go to Disney World, and I sometimes manage to avoid it, my favorite exhibit of all, except maybe “Toy Story”, is the Hall of Presidents.

Why?

Disney which is in central Florida is almost always 127 degrees.  And it is not just the heat, but also the humidity which is generally around 97.5.  There are lines for standing, and waiting and miles of walking in this wonderful heat and humidity.

There is never a line for the Hall of the Presidents.  The Hall of the Presidents is air conditioned.  The Hall of the Presidents has very comfortable seats.  The Hall of the Presidents has a presentation of every President of the US… animatronic Presidents of course.

The show is interesting, very well done, and I have never made it past Lincoln.  It is an old man’s napping Heaven.

The latest addition to the Hall of the Presidents will be Joe Biden.  I doubt very much I will ever make it that far. 

At least with one other President, it will be more nap time for me.   

Thursday, July 22, 2021

Even at Eighty-seven!

 

Even at Eighty-seven!



 

So I played golf today.  I usually just go out by myself and if it is busy get paired up with other golfers.  Today I was paired up with three old geezers.  Well two of them were 76 and one, Tim, was 87, so at 75 I was the youngest and I called them old geezers.

The 87 YO had a deformed right hand, I believe from polio and was recovering from an operation which relieved a nerve situation.  He weighed maybe 110 pounds, and he hit his drives from 190 to 230 yards.  Pretty damn good for an 87 YO man with a deformed right hand.  He probably scored under 100.

Pretty damn good for anyone over 65.

Tim was a bit on the salty side and he regaled me with stories of his youth caddying during WWII at age 12, earning .25 a round carrying bags.  If he found a ball, he could sell it for more than he earned hauling the bags around.  Apparently during the war, golf balls were not a priority and they were hard to come by.

Tim was full of bad jokes, most dirty and many highly socially incorrect.  I love it when someone says,

“I’ve got a good joke for you…you’re not Jewish, are you?”

I mean, if I was Jewish, I’d already be insulted just because you had a joke that you knew was offensive to anyone that was Jewish.  Actually, the joke was not really offensive to Jewish people, it was mostly offensive to Gay people.  It was also just corny, but hey the dudes 87 and he’s gone through some stuff in his life, he’s not about to turn all politically correct at this point.  I also don’t really think Tim has an actual mean or racist bone in his body. 

What really struck me about Tim and what I consider to be a life lesson, was that even at 87, golf was able to get the better of him from time to time.

He hit an occasional flub, which I suspect that as a younger man he hardly ever would hit, and he let out a string of profanities that would make a porn star cringe.  He would slam his club into the ground as he let the profanities fly, then he would pick up his club, walk towards his ball and smile like it didn’t really matter. 

Because, it really doesn’t matter.  It’s just a game, it’s just one bad shot, it won’t make the evening news,

“This just in, Tim hit a really bad golf shot on the 7th hole, took an 8 ruining a good round.”

No, it never makes the evening news because it is not important, except that for one split second, the game gets the better of even an 87-year-old man with a deformed hand, and it seems very important. 

Then he realizes he is never going to make the PGA tour, even the senior circuit, and he remembers that it is a pretty great thing that he can play 18 holes of golf with a bunch of young 76-year-olds, pee in the woods, tell dirty jokes and hit a golf ball 230 yards (ok, once).

Maybe in 12 years, I too will learn to not let a crappy shot fester, and just move on to the next shot.

Probably not.

 

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Vacuum Thoughts

 

Vacuum Thoughts



 

I was vacuuming the floor the other day and I got to thinking. 

Some people read a book and the mind gets stimulated, for me the gray matter kicks in when doing mundane things. 

It kicks in a lot.

Why does the vacuum cleaner have multiple speeds?  Years ago, my mom had an Electrolux, top of the line, no wheels, it was on sled runners.  It had only one speed.  I don’t recall mom ever complaining that it needed to suck slower.

Why do today’s appliances have multiple speeds?  

“Damn this thing has too much power, it is sucking dirt way to fast.  Maybe I should switch speeds and just suck slow!” Thought no one ever.

My electric razor has three speeds; low, medium and high.  Why would anyone shave at low speed?  Do people shave in low if they’re not in a hurry?

My water pick has three speeds, I guess if I don’t want to swish away all the debris from dinner, I can just pick away at level one.

My kitchen mixer has six settings; swish, grate, chop, mix, blend, and pulverize.  

Guess which setting is the only one I ever use. 

What is the “Gentle Cycle” on dish and clothes washers? 

“I don’t want to hurt my dishes or dirty socks; I think I’ll wash them on the “Gentle” cycle?”

Not me, I want to hurt those dishes and dirty socks.  Screw Gentle, turn the water flow to high, crank up the temperature and teach those clothes and dishes a lesson!  Gentle? Ha, not me!

I do have to confess one thing though.  This is a little embarrassing, but I suspect I am not the only one.

When I vacuum, shave, water pick, or mix, I always start off in low, then go to medium and finally I hit HIGH.  There is just something satisfying knowing that I could vacuum, shave, pick or mix at low power, but damn it I’m shifting to HIGH!  When the appliance hits high, my voice gets lower and I can feel chest hairs growing.

I am a man dammit, I like my coffee strong, my woman docile and my appliances set to HIGH!

Two out of three ain’t bad.

 

Sunday, July 18, 2021

Sometimes I Don’t Speak the Language

 

Sometimes I Don’t Speak the Language



 

There is a particular speech pattern in the NYC area that is sometimes difficult to understand.  It is a running together of words kind of thing.  The classic example is:

“Jeetyet?” being New York for “Did you eat yet?”

Or one of my favorites,

“Maskooscalin? For “May I ask who is calling?”

I have spent most of my life in the NYC area, but sometimes I do not speak the language.

The other day before going to dinner, Mrs. C, a lifelong Joisey Girl and I were discussing various people we know.  She was claiming that part of my crankiness was in not liking very many people.

“I like lots of people!”

“What about Mary Lou?”

“Hmm, I think with her I am neutral.”

“You don’t like Amnutrol.”

“What?”

“You don’t like Amnutrol.”

“What?”

“You don’t like Amnutrol.”

“Who the Hell is Amnutrol, and why don’t I like him or her?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You said I don’t like Amnutrol, and I have no idea who Amnutrol is!”

“I was talking about Mary Lou.  You don’t like her, I’m neutral!”

“Holy Hanna, who talks like that.  Could you maybe at least put a pause between words!”

“You just need to learn how to listen.”

“Guess you are right.  I'm hungry, how about you?”

“Yup, Squeet.”*


*"Yes, Let's go eat."

 

 

 

Thursday, July 15, 2021

The Right To Vote

 

The Right To Vote

a cranky opinion for

CRANKY OPINION FRIDAY

The following opinion is that of a Cranky Old Man with absolutely no expertise on the topic opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome, but they are wrong.  As always, no name calling, and that means you, you big stupid-head.

 

I know I will be sorry for voicing this opinion piece, though it is not meant to be a partisan opinion, it will probably be read (or partially read) and interpreted that way.  Oh well, here goes.

The country currently is battling over voting procedures. 

Republicans, Democrats say, want to make voting as difficult as possible because, the argument goes, Democrats are less likely to vote than Republicans, when voting is difficult. 

Restrictive voting is inherently racist.

Democrats, Republicans say, want to make voting as easy as possible because, the argument goes, less restrictive voting makes illegal voting more possible and illegal voting generally goes Democrat.

One way or another, it is assumed that loose voting laws makes for illegal votes and questionable election results; restrictive laws reduce voting in high Democratic areas, and are racist.

Both arguments probable hold some water,  particularly when viewed in the extreme.

A tax to vote is restrictive and clearly undemocratic.  Complicated registration the same.  Limited times or places to vote…ditto.

Unrestricted registration, not clearing voter rolls, no requirement for voter identification…all make illegal voting an issue.

I expect there have been elections, especially local elections that have turned based on illegal votes, but more importantly, illegal voting places doubt on the outcome.  Doubt in an election undermines the process.

Ideally, voting should be a simple, secure process for all legal voters, and only legal voters. 

Personal experience tells me that illegal voting today is very easy.  I don’t think it is a huge problem other than the undermining doubt it can cause, but is does exist. I know this for a fact.

I have three family members who by way of changing addresses are able to vote in multiple states, and have been able to do so for over ten years.  They do not, especially with in person voting it is difficult; but they could, especially when mail-in ballots are easily available, sometimes even sent without a request.

I see these family members names on the polls when I vote in person, and I received their ballots this year when New Jersey sent mail-in ballots to all registered voters.  I tore them up and discarded them.

When ballots are sent to every registered voter, these invalid ballots can easily be used illegally. 

Mail-in ballots are especially susceptible to voter fraud, they should not simply be sent out to every registered voter. 

To protect against voting result doubt, mail-in voting should be selective, require some ID, and monitored.  In-person voting should require some secure identification.   We have cameras, we have computers, this should not be difficult.  Hell, even a third world ink-smudged-thumb is more high tech then most of our systems.

The one voting situation that bothers me the most, is voter congestion.

Every year I read of people waiting up to five and six hours to vote.  Talk about voter restriction! I have never waited more than 10 minutes to vote…EVER!  If I had to wait 5 hours I think I would just stay home.

All of these stories of excessive wait times to vote come from heavily Democratic districts.  Why is that?  It makes no sense.  Establishing multiple places to legally vote so that voting times are reasonable should be easy.  For parties that spend fortunes in money and time to “Get out the vote” why not assure people are able to vote in person without restrictive wait times?

If every voter could walk to his voting location, wait five minutes, show some identification and vote, then mail-in ballots would be needed less, and could be more easily controlled.

Here are my rules for fair voting. 

Register with proof of eligibility and with identification.

Vote in person with proof of identification.

Mail-in ballots need to be requested with proof of identification.

Multiple voting days, longer hours, and adequate voting locations to accommodate in-person voting should be standard.

Voting should not require waiting in long lines. 

Waiting six hours to vote?  Outrageous! Those urban, Democrat controlled districts should be ashamed.

The preceding was the opinion of a Cranky Old Man, and not necessarily that of management...Mrs. Cranky.

  

 

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Crime in the USA

 

Crime in the USA


Sometimes I just need to rant!



 

Crime is on the rise in the USA.  There are many reasons for this, but it is complicated.  I have no answer.  Murders, muggings, carjacking and shop-lifting are now often right out in the open, filmed by passers-by with their ubiquitous i-phones.  Apparently they can’t be stopped, or maybe no one cares.

Scary stuff to be sure, but the crime that has me the most up in arms, maybe that is a poor choice of words, that has me the angriest, that I care about, are the crimes specifically aimed at old people.

Actually, I guess they are not crimes.  Apparently, it is completely legal to lie to old people and use terms that scare the crap out of old people all to have old people pay for things that are legal but not worth shit!

I recently received a FINAL NOTICE, of my LAST CHANCE, failure to call could COST ME THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.  CALL IMMEDIATELY, this is our FINAL ATTEMPT TO NOTIFY YOU.  RESPOND BY 07/09/2021 (today).

It looked very official and it must be real as it came from came from my home mortgage holder, Sovereign Bank. 

It was my last chance to purchase home warranty insurance.

One wonders, why would a company have a last chance to buy their product?  Like if I responded a week later they would say, "I'm sorry, you are too late, the offer to buy our product expired."

DAMN IT! I'm too late!!

This insurance would save me thousands on repairs or replacement of my heating and cooling system, appliances, electrical systems and plumbing.  

It is not a question of if these things would go bad, BUT WHEN!

It has to be legit as it came from my mortgage holder, Sovereign Bank. 

Actually, I don’t know who holds my mortgage.  As soon as anyone gets a mortgage these days, it gets sold to another party, and often sold, bundled and sold again.  I guess my mortgage could be from Sovereign Bank.  Except that Sovereign Bank does not exist.  It was sold to Santander Bank in 2013.

What is the name of this Home Warranty company?  What do you know, they don't say!

I almost called the provided number to bust their chops, but I realized they don’t care.  They don’t need my money; they prefer to take it from scared older people who don’t know any better.  People who have money, are weak, and are afraid of government, banks and any entity with power.

These people are selling crap through fear.  Call me a sceptic, but I suspect any insurance sold that references a non-existent bank, probably would not make good on any insurance claims. I’m pretty sure they would have a loophole that might actually cost the claimant more money than if they did not make a claim at all.

I would like to see government crackdown on these scumbags.

Maybe they can’t stop mugging, carjacking, murder and shoplifting, but emails, phone scams, and scare letter muggings of the elderly and or the very stupid can and should be stopped.

These jack-holes do their mugging in the open, they leave tracks with phone numbers and email addresses.  They hide behind a cadre of lawyers and loopholes.  Well, government has lawyers too and government can also be ruthless when they want to.  So come on government, flex your muscles on these really bad people, and this is CLEARLY FRAUD!!

Track them down.  Lock them up.  Expose them, fine them, march them through the streets in chains for old people to spit on them, throw tomatoes at them and call them names. 

Heck they could charge admittance for that parade to help recoup the money stolen from old people.

How do these people sleep at night?

OK, I feel a little better now.

 

 

 

Saturday, July 10, 2021

Heading Home

 

Heading Home

 

After three weeks at the shore, we are heading home.  We being Mrs. Cranky and I.  During the three weeks there has been more than just our usual “we.”

The Pennsylvania Cranks visited with two grandcranks for several days, and The California crank visited for several weeks.  Mrs. C’s sister, my hair stylist, also came down for a few days.

There has been lots of sun, cold ocean water, amazing fireworks, steamed clams and other great food.

We occupy a small two-bedroom apartment off a garage, but only a few yards from the beach.  Early mornings and late nights often mean stepping around and over guests.  With only one bathroom, showering and bath-rooming requires timing and communication.  We also have, brace yourself, especially Val, NO DISHWASHER!

I am told many people in years past, and even today live this way 24/7/365.  It is not horrible, but it does make one appreciate how well most people live in this country.

So, it is goodbye to the Jersey Shore until next year, except for an occasional shoe-box trip. 

If you are from Jersey, you know what a Shoe-boxer is.

Thanks to Mrs. C’s aunt for providing the venue at very reasonable price, and her cousins, the upstairs people, for their hospitality.

Unfortunately, the North Carolina cranks could not make it, but I did get a photo op of My Three Sons, and two of four grandsons. 


 
 

 Three sons, two grands and a cranky old man

Missing NC Grands

Oh, there was a wedding.


MOB, Mrs. C


The Bride and Dad


 

Thursday, July 8, 2021

email subscription to blog posts

 Blog posts email


Apparently the service that provides emails of each Cranky Old Man post to email subscribers is going away.  There is a new service that is way too complicated for me to figure out.

If you wish to continue and receive emails of my posts, send me your email address, and I will set up a system to mass send each new blog posts.

If you do not want to receive each new post, then do nothing.

Thanks for your past support.

Monday, July 5, 2021

An Old People Move

 

An Old People Move

 

I am not an avid reader.  I like books, but generally I am too lazy and spend my free time (and I have a lot of free time) on other pursuits.

When I am on vacation, I do enjoy a book or two, especially when sunning by the ocean.  This last week I’ve enjoyed an easy read James Patterson book, and a recommendation from old Fraternity friend Bud, about an NFL backup quarterback (fiction) playing American football in Italy.

I enjoyed both books. 

Next, I took a shot at buying a Kindle recommendation.  It was a thriller by an author who has had several successful thrillers.

This book was a little difficult to get into.  Unlike a James Patterson book where someone gets kidnapped or murdered by page 3, this book did a lot of scene setting.  Eventually there were four different characters in four different situations which all were slowly coming together to create a plot.

Half way through the book I was getting a bit frustrated with going back and forth trying to see how all the pieces were going to finally fit together.  I was also getting frustrated with how long the chapters were.  I like finding a good stopping point ever few minutes, not dragging through a chapter for 25 or 30 pages.

Anyway, I did something that I realized was an old people move. 

I just stopped reading and downloaded a new James Patterson book to enjoy. 

A young Cranky would never have done this.  You start a book, you finish the book, especially one you have paid for.

A seasoned Cranky will not waste precious moments plodding through something he is not enjoying if he does not have to.

Go to a crappy movie… “Let’s go, this movie stinks!”

Slow service and waiting on a meal at a restaurant… “Let’s go, we can eat someplace else.”

Bad program on TV… “Change the channel.”

Yankees losing again… “I’m going to bed.”

Reading a boring confusing book… “I’m done.”

Getting seasoned is not always easy, but not having to be patient is at least one small perk.

Do you just move on when you are not enjoying yourself, or do you feel compelled to finish what you start no matter what?

 

 

 

 

 

Friday, July 2, 2021

Good Morning

 

Good Morning



OK, it is official, I am CRANKY.

I thought maybe I was normal, but Mrs. C confirmed,

“No, it is you!”

Here is the thing.  Every morning while down at the shore I take a morning walk of several boardwalk miles.  I am not an exercise nut; I only want to combat the caloric nightmare that comes from basically living in a kitchen.

I do not powerwalk, I stroll.  I stroll and I am contemplating stuff, serious stuff, like how to hit my golf drives straighter or improve my chipping or solving the climate crisis or how to achieve World Peace.

These are not simple issues, they require concentration.

Inevitably on these strolls I encounter several seasoned ex-cheerleader ladies on their own stroll who just have to interrupt my serious concentration with a cheerful, “GOOD MORNING!”

I hate that! 

First off, you are breaking up my concentration.  I am on the verge of solving my slice or even promoting World Peace, and you stop me in my tracks with your friggin “GOOD MORNING!”

I am forced to respond with an equally cheerful but uninspired “Good Morning”, or ignore the salutation completely.  If I ignore the salutation, I get a

“Well excuse me for being friendly” response.

I hate that!

Secondly how do you know that it is a good morning for me?  Maybe I have a hangover, maybe another wife just left me, maybe my dog died.

I have a right to be disagreeable to a total stranger without being judged!

LET ME JUST WALK IN PEACE!!

OK, I’m sorry, maybe I do have issues.  You are all probably all very nice ladies.

“GOOD MORNING!”

Thursday, July 1, 2021

You Can’t Fool Me!

 

You Can’t Fool Me!



Big day coming up this Sunday.  Lots of people are excited and ready to party.  Not me.  I may be old, but I have learned from young people the secret offensive dog whistles that abound in this country.

What am I talking about?  Please!

How will people spend this Sunday?  Most will have a large Bar B Q.

Bar B? Hmm…Barbe Doll…misogynist much?  Math is Hard” Barbe.  You expect me to celebrate this?  No way!

Q? I don’t think so; don’t lump me with that crazy group of January 6 conspirators.

During these Bar B Q’s there will be over-eating and drinking.  People the world over are starving, you expect me to gorge myself with food and drink while they suffer?  I don’t think so.  How callous do you think I am?

Fireworks? Don’t even get me started.  Wait…too late.  This pandemic has seen millions out of WORK because they were FIRED.  Fido did not miss that one, neither did I and I am offended.

Parades…A big NO for me.  You cannot social-distance in a parade.  Call them off!

I will not celebrate this anti-Semitic, racist holiday. 

First off even the word HOLIDAY sounds like HOLY day.  It is unconstitutional to not separate church and state. 

Next, this country achieved independence while black people were slaves.  We should celebrate independence on a day where slavery still existed? That just screams RACIST! And, on this racist day they shoot off fire-CRACKERS. I think use of that anti-white term is disgraceful.

Who started this Independence?  The founding FATHERS! Need I say more?  Shouldn’t that be the founding Parentals? I’ll not be a party to that slur.

Finally, who could miss this attempt at a silent tone only canines can hear…the Fourth of

JEW LIE.

How anti-Semitic is that?

What about people in their red, white and blue outfits?  I think they are missing quite a few colors from the rainbow.  Why is that.  Does not seem very inclusive to me.

I will not be celebrating this weekend.  I will be hanging my head in shame for all the negative, mean-spirited symbolism that comes with this day.

I wish this country had a day to celebrate all Americans of all races, religions and genders.  Clearly this Sunday is not such a day.

Maybe it could be the first of April.    

 

 

Tuesday, June 29, 2021

Shooting 99 in Golf

 

Shooting 99 in Golf

 

I played golf today.  99.  Is 99 a good golf score for me?  Not great, but anything under 100 and I am pretty happy.   But today I did not shoot 99, today I played when the temperature was 99!  Make that ninety friggin nine! 

The weather geeks claimed that it actually feels like not 99, but 105. 

I don’t get that.  I’ve never been in a real temperature of 105.  101 is probably the hottest I can remember.  As I recall it felt like 101, because it WAS 101!  Same today, it felt like 99 because it WAS 99.

What? Oh you need to factor the heat humidity index to get a “Feels Like” temperature.  OK, except in the NY tristate area whenever the temperature is above 80 it is always humid.  How humid? Humid as f*ck, that’s how humid, so the heat humidity index means nothing to me.

Anyway today I played golf and it was 99 out.  I was the only person on the course.  JUST ME! Why? Because the heat humidity index “feels like” temperature scared the crap out of every golfer in the area.

Mrs. C did not want me to play, but I have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 9:30 and decided to leave the shore for home so I can make the appointment in the morning.  Might as well play golf then on the day before.

Mrs. C said it was too hot. 

I promised to only play nine holes and would take an electric cart and not pull my clubs in the heat.

I lied. 

Not intentionally, but I played my best golf since when I had no children and was able to play a lot of golf.  

I played nine holes in an hour and fifteen minutes.  Somedays when it is crowded and I pull my clubs an hour and fifteen would only get you past the third hole.

I brought lots of water, and the cart provided shade, so I decided to play more than nine.  After twelve holes I had a chance to breaking 90.  I have not broken 90 in 30 years, so I plodded on.

At the last hole, a par three, I needed only a five to break 90.  Even with the cart, my ass was dragging.  The heat felt like 99…because it WAS 99.

I hit the green, two putted for par and a final score of 87. 

87 in 99 at 75.

Hell yeah I’m bragging! Dragging, but bragging.

 

 

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Dolphins Ospreys and Whales…Oh My!

 

Dolphins Ospreys and Whales…Oh My!



We are spending time at the beautiful New Jersey Shore.  Not the beach, not the ocean, in New Jersey it is “The Shore.” Don’t ask, I don’t know why.  In Jersey we do not fill our gas tanks, and we go to “The Shore”, oh yeah, and we have a diner in every town.

The beach today was a comfortable 75 degrees, the ocean a not so comfortable 55 degrees. 

I stayed out of the ocean.

What do you do at the shore when the water is 55 degrees?  You get tanned, you read a James Patterson book, do a bunch of crossword puzzles and listen to Meatloaf.  Well, everyone does not do that, but that is what I did today. 

I also look at the ocean.

Looking at the ocean is boring you say?  Yes, it can be.  It is relaxing, but it does get boring…unless you really look.  It helps if you look with binoculars.  There is not much to see just staring out to sea without binoculars.  With binoculars it can get interesting.

Today I was perusing a nothing to see ocean when I noticed way out there were several large schools of bunker.  To the naked eye they are just dark spots in the water.  Up close there are fish jumping.  Something must be making the bunker jump.

Sure enough, after watching the bunker school for a bit I spotted several dolphin feeding.  The dolphin moved on and a little later I saw a puff of sea spray. 

Whales!  Two of them.  Up close and personal with the binoculars they put on quite a show, at one point one came straight up out of the water in a feeding frenzy.  While the whales were feeding on bunker my vision was interrupted by a diving osprey who then flew away with his own bunker in its claws.

Just a quiet day at the Jersey shore.  Not much to do except relax.

Oh yeah, also dolphins, ospreys and whales.

Oh my!

 

Saturday, June 19, 2021

Another Cranky Rant

 

Another Cranky Rant

 


That’s it, I’m taking my gloves off.  I’m tired of walking on word egg-shells and tap dancing around stuff that suddenly became forbidden to waltz through. 

I don’t get it and I’m done.  LGBTQ…wtf? I only can figure out a few of them.  Don’t use the “N” word.  Fine, what is it?  They won’t tell you because to do so would require you to use the actual word.  WTF?  Yeah, I said it, the “F” letter.  Pretty soon you won’t be able to use even the letters.

Oooh!  You said the “F” word letter!  Did you just use the “N” word letter instead of the “you know what”?  That means you are the “R” word!

Just now I read where an “L” word soccer player said in a ten-year-old tweet that she thought a certain ladies eyes looked like the “A” word.  Apparently, that was the “R” word, except I’ll bet the “L” word lady meant it as a compliment.  These days even a compliment can be deemed as “R” word.

Well, now I am fed up with the use of the “O” word.  You know the word.  I’m pretty sure it is used in a pejorative way.

He drives an “O” word car.  How is that meant to be nice.  It is pejorative.  I am 75 years the “O” word.  That can’t be meant in a nice way otherwise why would people sometimes say I am 75 years “young?”

I am offended by the use of the “O” word.  Well, not that “O” word, the other one. 

You know!

That “O” word is a good thing, it is the other “O” word I don’t like.  I am not sure if “He is the “O” word but he can still the “O” word” is good or not.  I think I object to the first “O” word.

Anyway, my thoughts just drifted.  Maybe because I am getting seasoned.  I am, after all, 75 years seasoned.

That’s it, from now on I declare the “O” word to be offensive.  You know, the offensive “O” word, not the other one. 

I prefer “Seasoned.”

If you disagree then you need to be cancelled!

I decree that from now on we use “Seasoned” instead of the offensive “O” word!

 

What?  I have to change the name of this blog?  That would be a pain in the “A” word.  Pretty sure that “seasoned” would only soon become the “S” word anyway.

So, never mind.

I apologize to anyone I may have offended by my use of several offensive letters.   I am ashamed of my insensitive self and intend to be better in the future.  I intend to attend sessions with a “C” (Not that “C”) in order to become a better version of myself.

I am sorry.