Suburban Wild Kingdom
The Cranky’s
live in suburbia. There are some woods
and a river a half mile away, but our townhome is in the middle of roads, grass
and a few trees and bushes. It is a pretty
area, but seemingly not a place for a wild life expedition.
A few years
ago, we had a squirrel family in our eaves.
We got rid of them and shored up their entrance. It was not that big a deal. Well, it was a pain in the ass, but it wasn’t
scary or anything.
Last year we
installed some ring cameras around the home.
We did this as there were some car break-ins and also, attached units
can be creepy. With the ring we know
that the sound in the living room is actually the neighbors closing their door
loudly. All our entrances are monitored
by the ring.
I know there
is the occasional skunk outside. Not by
the ring, but by the nose. The ring
camera once also recorded a fox.
A month ago,
there was a raccoon on the deck that set off the ring camera. It was a cute little thing.
The other
week my neighbor told me there was a family of raccoons in his attic. Climbed up a tree to the roof and made a home
in their attic. They made noise at night
and their defecation and urination was making a stink. Not such cute little things.
The next night
there were two opossums on our deck. I
have had them in a previous home basement.
Not such cute little things. I
figured his attic family was actually opossums.
Anyway, the
neighbor had Orkin Pest Control come out to rid the creatures. They could not trap them, but they put a
contraption on the entrance that would let them out but not let them back in. Last I heard they were gone, but the stink remains.
Tonight, I
decided to bbq a nice steak. Mrs. C is
at Disney World with her son and daughter-in-law, so I enjoyed a nice bachelor glass
of port and a good cigar while warming up the grill.
I finished
my cigar and port and left the grill to get the steak. On my way into the house there appeared a
large raccoon right behind me.
Near scared
the bejesus out of me. I yelled and
banged the deck floor. Mr. Raccoon was not
bothered in the least. He did not
attack, but he did not back up either.
I have read
that raccoons are not to be fooled with.
- Raccoons
are formidable creatures. They have sharp teeth and claws,
and the strength to inflict significant harm. There are many accounts of
children, and adults, being disfigured by raccoon attacks. They are also
known to inflict wounds on dogs and cats, especially at night.
Plus, they are sometimes
rabid…especially if you see them in the day, which this still was.
I scampered inside and slammed
the sliding door. The raccoon seemed
interested in the door and what was behind it.
Yelling and banging did not disturb him one bit, which disturbed me a
lot!
I closed the blinds and
waited for the raccoon to leave. When I
thought the coast was clear, I ran out to the grill with my golfing eight iron
for defense…probably should have had a four iron…shut down the grill and dashed
back to the safety of my home. I suspect
he was hunkered down under the deck.
I grilled the steak inside
on the stove, which set off the smoke alarm for about ten minutes (more
excitement) and then finished it off in the oven.
The steak was delicious,
but I am afraid to use my deck as I think that is where the raccoon resides.
I need to check with my
neighbor for the number to Orkin.
Not to get political, but
I never had these problems before Biden was President…well except for the damn squirrels.
*
*Just
joking, probably not his fault.