Stupid Headlines 033119
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.
Convicted pedophile passes out after getting sentenced to 260 years behind bars - He was hoping for only 130 years.
Apple targets core customers with new credit card – “Core” customers …Really?
Japan says it will not build 'killer robots' – Actually what they promised was no ‘kirrer lobots’.
Vermont woman, 84, heading to Poland to compete in pole-vaulting championship – After that she plans to go to Finland to compete in swimming.
Stolen Indiana hot air balloon recovered by police – It was about 70’ tall multicolored in a grid pattern and heading west with the wind at about 10 mph, probably not that hard to track and find.
Florida homeless man calls cops to report he paid for sex -- but got scammed – Homeless, but still able to scrape up enough money for sex…maybe next time he makes it COD. At least he won’t be homeless for a while.
Bride busted for embezzling $93K for her wedding gown and a butt lift – It would have been cheaper to have the dress altered to fit her butt, rather than to get a butt lift to fit the dress.
Phillies fans booed Bryce Harper after his second strikeout on Opening Day – The fans that bombed Santa with snow balls, boos their new zillion dollar star on opening day…I LOVE PHILLY! No, seriously their fans are great.
A 1998 slaying went cold for 20 years -- until the suspect applied for a job – He probably should have left “murderer” of his resume.
Ohio couple accused of having sex on giant spinning Ferris wheel – “Hey, what the Hell, she said she wanted to get off!”
Nicolas Cage claims he was too intoxicated to ‘understand’ his marriage – Being intoxicated was the only thing that made any sense in my last marriage.
THIS WEEKS FEEL-GOOD HEADLINE:
Mom Snaps Viral Picture of a Cable Technician Comforting Her Disabled Son While He Fixes the Internet – Feel-good? It works for me.