This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Saturday, May 29, 2021




 Tesla shorts are having a much, much better year than in 2020 – Cars, rockets, tunnel digging machines and now shorts?  Does it take a genius to make shorts?  What…oh selling stock short…never mind.

Alabama lifts 27-year yoga ban in public schools – Finally you allowed to do downward facing dog for 27 years.

Japanese bullet train driver takes bathroom break as train cruises at 90 mph – Whizzing while whizzing.

Kim Jong Un bans mullets, skinny jeans – Because the mullet is a stupid funny looking hairstyle.  And skinny jeans, because they’re skinny!

Anti-mullet anti skinny

Cougar breaks into Washington man's home, passes out in kitchen – Older women these days…shameful…what, a REAL cougarnever mind.

Maryland candy store is selling chocolate-covered cicadas: 'Inundated with orders' – I think the orders are “PLEASE STOP!!” Those things are disgusting.

Utah woman's headstone has her fudge recipe engraved on the back – The best used-by date is EXPIRED.

Kate Middleton receives COVID vaccine – And this is news because?

Doctors afraid of losing license, being sued if they don't affirm patient self-diagnosis on gender – I’m confused by this gender stuff…does being sued mean going from a Bob to Sue?

Baltimore students who failed classes this year will still pass – They also get a small plastic trophy and a juice box!



After scouring the internet for several days, I regret that there are no Feel-Good news stories this week!
















Thursday, May 27, 2021

Who is Right?


Who is Right?


There is a lot that bugs me these days, but I shall refrain from complaining as every comment only pisses off half of anyone that reads this blog.  

I do not want to be cancelled!

What can I write about without hurting someone’s feelings? Covid…I don’t think so.  LGBTQ…no way.  Crime…probably not.  Race relations…asking for trouble.  Religion…no.  Politics…HELL NO!

Wait, I’ve got it, my go-to.  I can make fun of Mrs. C!

That’s right, I recently learned a new Mrs. C weirdoism.  Readers of this blog know that Mrs. C does not scoop her pudding, she dips.  They know that Mrs. C says scroll up when she means pull the scroll bar down.  They know that she hides cookies and other treats from me under kitchen towels.  They may know that she does not like to walk on sidewalks.  Well, I have a new one.

Today as I was getting ready to play golf, I buttoned my pants and the pulled up the zipper.

“You should zip first, then button!”

“What? Why?

“When you zip, it makes it easier to button!”

“But when I button, it makes it easier to zip.”

“Buttoning is hardest, you should zip first.”

“I have been buttoning and then zipping my whole life and never found it to be an issue.”

“You should try zipping first, then you would know what you have missed all these years.”

“Missed?  It is not an issue; I find it easiest to button first.”

“Your wrong.”

“Yeah, like I’m, going to listen to someone who dips and does not scoop.”


Come on people, why would anyone zip first?


Tuesday, May 25, 2021

A Coronavirus Semi-rant

 A Coronavirus Semi-rant

I thought this post from last March was interesting in contrasting the situation as we were just learning with what we now hope is the nearing of the end of the feking tunnel.  Also I love to re-rant at the ass-hats who were not worried as it was mostly effecting us old folks.

I did not want to post on this virus thing, it is too depressing.  I have not gotten it so far, but yeah, it is hitting me. I have lost a boat load of money that may or not be recovered in the months to come.  I have finally learned how to convert the ten-pin spare and my bowling league has been put on hold.  My gym is cancelled and I’m advised that at my age I should stay home anyway.  Mrs. C’s dance studio had a major event cancelled and she lost a lot of money and her boss lost a lot of money times 1000.

Wah, wah, wah.

Actually, I’m fine and thankful that I am.  For now, I am just hunkering down and thanking god I quit smoking years ago and am in pretty good shape.  I really feel for all the people who are losing their jobs and wages.  I feel sorry for all those that are extra vulnerable to this virus.  Most of us will survive the virus, economic recovery for many will be long and painful.

I think closing bars and restaurants and events is a good decision.  With any luck we may see things start to turn in the right direction in two or three weeks.  Maybe this thing will be seasonal…one can hope.

I do have two major complaints where I am compelled to vent.

Number 1 – Shut up with the politics for crap sake.  Stop pointing fingers and STFU.  There will be mistakes made, there will be excellent decisions made.  There are people working above and beyond for the good of all.  When this thing clears up, then do a recap and you can be a Monday morning know-it-all Quarterback.  Until then, can we for just this one thing all pull together?

Number 2 – I actually read where some of the snot nosed spoiled little prick millennials who seem to be mostly immune to this virus are calling it a “Boomer Remover!”  Very clever you worthless little shits.  My response to anyone so crass to say such a thing is FUCK YOU!

Boomers are your parents, your grandparents, your teachers, and many are the very people working to find a vaccine for this and other diseases that someday you may be more susceptible to catching.

Stop partying, stay away from crowds, and wash your feckin hands.  I know it is only a very small number of assholes with this attitude, but it only takes one thoughtless little shit to infect hundreds.  Those hundreds may infect more hundreds and tie up the hospitals.  When you need the ER because your drunken partying ass gets in an accident and there are no rooms or doctors to help you recover, then maybe you will realize we are all in this together one way or another.

In summary, together we can make it through this and when we do, let’s all do what we can to help those less fortunate in weathering the storm.

Until then, wash your hands, separate from crowds and stay safe.

To any millennial who thinks “Boomer Remover” is a funny name for this virus, please tell me when this is all over. This 74-year-old Boomer is jonesing for a nose to bust.

Ok, now I feel a little better.

Sunday, May 23, 2021

Stupid Commercial


Stupid Commercial

 Ok, there is this current commercial that just bothers me.

Wait, is this what has come of your blog…TV commercial critiques?

Look, number one I have no real material, and number two, this commercial really annoys me.

OK, what is the commercial, as if any one even cares.

Here is the thing.  There is a commercial for either Wal-Mart, or Milo Tea…or both.  Anyway, this dude works for Milo Tea and he wants me to buy Milo Tea from Wal-Mart because he likes his job and if I buy Milo Tea…at Wal-Mart…then he can keep his job.  Like if I don’t buy Milo Tea, he loses his job, his kids will starve and his wife will leave him!  I don’t really need this guilt trip dropped on me from a stupid commercial.

Suppose I did buy Milo Tea at Wal-Mart, I would have to start drinking tea and stop drinking coffee.  I don’t like tea!  I like coffee! I don’t like shopping at Wal-Mart, and if I stop drinking coffee, won’t some dude that works for Chock-ful-of-Nuts get laid off and his kids starve and his wife leave him?

What kind of commercial is this that guilts me to drinking tea instead of the heavenly coffee?

It won’t work, I am sticking with coffee.  Sorry about your job Milo Tea worker.

Stupid commercial!

Damn, I need to get out more.

Yes, you do!

Saturday, May 22, 2021

The Hawk is Out


The Hawk is Out

No, it is not really cold as the hip kids in Jr. High used to say when it was cold and windy,

“The hawk is out today…Hit the right the hawk is out.”

The hawk meant it was cold and windy, hit the right was a reference to telling the truth in court.  The hip kids, who we all tried to emulate, may have had a more intimate relationship with court than the un-hip kids.

Anyway, today the hawk was out for real. 

Though we live in suburban New Jersey, we have quite a bit of woods and a nearby river that does attract lots of wild life.  We have squirrels, chipmunks and rabbits. We have lots of birds and occasionally see deer crossing the road and a pair of Bald Eagles over the river.  Local “Ring” doorbells often catch a coyote and that gets people very excited.

Today I peeked out my kitchen window and staring at me from a tree was a large red tail hawk.

There are many different kinds of hawks, and I often joke that when I see one it is a red tail.  Makes me seem like I know my birds, but in reality most hawk sightings are too far away and too high to make a clear identification…plus the only hawk I know is the “Red Tail” thus that is always my identification.

This hawk was clearly a red tail as he was large and HE HAD A RED TAIL!

Now I like my chipmunks and rabbits.  I even enjoy squirrel watching when they stay out of my eaves, but a close encounter with a large hawk is kind of special.  The hawk did soon fly off, but was seen swooping a few times.  I sense he is lurking.

I do not expect to see any rabbits, chipmunks or squirrels for a day or two.  They seem to know when to lay low.  I’d hate to see the hawk grab one, but then the hawk has to eat and live too.  I would hate to never see one of these beautiful birds again.

Do you root for the small ground creatures to avoid the large bird, or do you want the large beautiful bird to eat and survive as well.

Nature is hard when it is not just on TV.

I don’t know who to root for, I love them all…I guess I will just let God sort it all out.


Thursday, May 20, 2021

Getting to Know Harvey


Getting to Know Harvey

The lease on Harvey, my Honda HR-V is up soon.  I want to just turn it in and lease another HR-V.  Mrs. C thinks I should shop around and try other models before I stay with a Honda. 

Mrs. C just likes to shop.

The thing is, I like the HR-V.  It is the right size, gets good milage, rides well and most importantly I know where everything is and how it works.  I no longer unlatch the hood when I mean to release the gas cover.  I finally learned how to work the 27 different windshield wiper speeds.  I can even work the rear wiper and rear wiper washer control.  It took a bit, but I can now use voice commands to place a phone call and even send a text message.  Then there are controls for the radio, navigation and information.  These took at least a year and a half to master.

I sure don’t want to re-learn all this stuff in a new car brand.

Hell, I almost killed myself a few months ago because I could not figure out the defroster.

I was coming home from bowling on a chilly rainy night.  The windshield instantly started to fog up.  I looked for the button that said “Defrost.”  There was none.  I did see a little man in a sitting position with arrows pointing at his body.  I fiddled with those arrows over and over again and could not point them to the windshield.  I was driving with one hand on the wheel, one hand wiping the frost off the window and eyes looking at the controls trying to figure out how to defrost.

With about four inches of visibility, driving on a rainy night is not that safe.  I almost turned into another car, and just missed a pedestrian when I decided I’d better pull over and figure out the defroster.

Nothing on the panel said “Defrost.”  There were several pictures of something with squiggly lines that looked like heat.  I touched one and the windshield was still fogged over.  My ass was getting hotter though…who knew I even had heated seats?  The next squiggly line icon did nothing, I suspect if I had a passenger their ass would also be getting warmer.  I was able to clear the frost from the rear window so I knew I was getting warmer, no not just my butt, and the last squiggly line did in fact clear the front windshield very quickly.

Get a different car model?  I don’t think so, not after learning how to use stuff on this one.  By the time the lease is over I might even have figured out what the lines on the back-up camera represent.



Tuesday, May 18, 2021

What is this 1973?

What is this 1973?


So, some ass-hat computer geek terrorists messed up a gas pipeline in Eastern USA.  This caused a gas shortage as people immediately ran to fill up their tanks.  Having a full tank soon became as prestigious as it was getting the vaccine, or in having toilet paper last April.   As someone recently told me,

“We’ve gone from no TP to no BP!”

Ordinarily this shortage would not have bothered the Cranky family.  We don’t usually drive that far and the shortage is expected to be short term, so we could ride it out easily.  We have two cars and they are usually gassed up to at least a half tank.  We ascribe to the theory that low gas in the tank is not good for the car. 

This was no ordinary week.  We have for months planned a trip from Jersey to South Carolina to visit my brother, then up to Atlanta to visit Mrs. C’s Uncle, and finally to Chapple Hill NC to see my SIL, niece and family, and my daughter and family.  Lots of driving, lots of gas.

The first leg of the trip was a stopover in Lumberton NC.  We topped off our tank just outside of Richmond Va. And had plenty of gas to reach Lumberton.  At the Lumberton exit we stopped for gas so we could reach our South Carolina destination the next day.  We needed to travel 160 miles and had gas in the tank for 140 miles.

The station had diesel.  I’ve tried that before by accident…Diesel es No Bueno.  The next station had “No Product.” We tried one more that was just off the beaten path.  Except for the diesel pumps they all said “No Product.”

Crap!  We couldn’t be driving all over Lumberton and use the gas we did have.  We couldn’t spend several nights in Lumberton…well we could, but that sure was not the plan.  Maybe we could try and make it to SC on the gas we had and my brother could greet us with a few extra gallons if we did not make it.  I did not like any options.

“Wait!” Mrs. C yelled as we pulled out of the third empty station, “That Toyota is not getting diesel, they take regular…the no product signs are on the Premium and Plus options, 87 octane is fine!”

Yes, Mrs. C saved the day at the last second and we were able to top off the tank giving us enough gas to make it to SC with a half tank to search for an open station for our next trip leg.

Once we made it to my brothers in the Charleston area, we passed only one gas station and it was “Out of Product.”  We had a few days stay before we head off for Atlanta and the shortage was predicted to end by the time we left, but I was not expecting to rest easy for those few days.  We had gas for 190 miles, Atlanta was 310 miles away.  

Not sure of how we might make it, suddenly my brother came racing in from his car.  He had made a short shopping trip and saw a tanker filling the nearby stations tank.

“Quick, lines started to form as soon as people saw the tanker.  You may not be able to get gas tomorrow!”

We did get gas, enough for 390 miles which easily gets us to Atlanta and by then the situation should be easing…I hope.

What is this, 1973?

Well, we finally did complete our trip and are safe in New Jersey.  It took at least three stations each to make four different refills.  We developed a new gas station term, BOP, or bag on pump, indicating “No gas, go away.”

This hacking thing is scary.  I hope the country considers this a shot across the bow and first double down on protecting our systems (we have smart people too), then be able to retaliate if needed, and finally convince governments shielding (or aiding) these computer thugs that allowing and not shutting them down is a very bad idea. 

Thursday, May 13, 2021

New Signs

 New Signs


My recent post on the usurping of the traditional three fingered “OK” sign to no longer mean “That’s Good!” to now be a symbol of being a racist and proud of it, got me thinking,

“How does a simple nice gesture hundreds of years old with a specific and universal meaning somehow suddenly become an evil symbol celebrating White Power?”  

Turns out some satirical group made up the whole thing, claiming the three fingers stood for the “W” and the circle formed with the forefinger against the middle finger became a “P” hence WP or White Power.  

(Actually the "P" is not really a "P" unless the sign is upside down, but then the "W" becomes an "M" one ever said that White Supremist were very smart. )

This satirical group made this up as a joke turning the OK sign used by 98% of the world from time to time, into a racist signal.  Actual racists grabbed on to the joke and began using the sign, usually held upside-down as sort of a secret racist-brother signal.

So now we can’t use this symbol without people saying “You must be a racist!!”

It also got me to thinking: 

“Well if some group can just casually change the meaning of a symbol from friendly to evil, then maybe I could change mean-spirited signals to stand for something nice.”  

Just change them as a joke and watch the new meanings become fact.  I think it could make the world a better place.

So, I hereby proclaim the following meaning changes to common body language symbols:

1.     From now on if someone turns his butt in your direction and slaps it, it no longer means, “Kiss my ass!”  (Image not available) That is so mean- spirited.  It now means, “Hello good friend, if you need something, I have your back.”

Isn’t that nice?

2.    I don’t like that ‘arm slap fist thrust’ thing.  It means “Up Yours!” 


How mean is that?  It now means “You look younger, have you been working out?”  

Isn’t that nicer?

3.    From now on a raised clench fist no longer means, “Power to the people, fuck the establishment.” 

That just stokes division and hatred toward one and other.  It now means “No matter who you voted for, I respect your opinion.”

I’m feeling better already.

4.    You know that back hand swiping the chin gesture that means “Yo, get the Hell out of here!” 

That is so mean and not nice.  It now means, “Let’s have lunch sometime!”

Why, because I proclaim it.

5.    One more and this will really make the world a better place.  The traditional and universally accepted raised middle finger no longer means “Go fuck yourself!”  

There is really no place in civilized society for that kind of aggressive language.  

The raised middle finger now means, “OMG, even though you cut me off in your BMW, I still love you!”

I am sensing a Nobel Peace Prize.


If a mean-spirited racist group of people can proclaim the friendly, traditional “OK” sign to now mean “I hate people of color!” then mean ugly body language meanings can be changed to something nice.

How?  Just proclaim it!

In summary:

Butt slap “Kiss my ass!” Now “Hello good friend, if you need something, I have your back.”

Arm slap fist-thrust’ thing “Up Yours!”  Now “You look younger, have you been working out?”

Raised clench fist “Power to the people, fuck the establishment.”  Now “No matter who you voted for, I respect your opinion.”

Back hand chin swipe “Yo, get the Hell out of here!”  Now “Let’s have lunch sometime!”

Middle finger salute “Go fuck yourself!” Now “OMG, even though you cut me off in your BMW, I still love you!”


If the “OK” sign can arbitrarily be changed into a hate symbol, then if we all get together, we can change traditional mean-spirited signs to be pleasant and nice.

All we have to do is just declare it.

Let it be written, let it be done!

Monday, May 10, 2021



There are many things about men that piss women off.  Men have no clue why because we don’t know how women interpret these things.  Often women interpret what men do or don’t do on how they feel when their girlfriend does or doesn’t do the same thing. 

Ladies…two different meanings:

Men do not remember dates. 

If a woman’s girlfriend “forgets” a date she knows it means “She is pissed off about something, or she just doesn’t care.”

Men do not forget dates.  Forgetting means the date is important to them.  Forgetting is a passive aggressive event.  Men never place any importance on dates so we can’t forget, what we never knew.   I love my grandchildren and I have not got a clue about their birthdates.  If you think that means I don’t love them then you are a jerk…or you are a woman.

Men don’t put stuff away in its proper place.

If a woman does not put something away properly it is an act of aggression because putting things where they belong is important to them.

Men do not put things away, because we never know where they go.  If we ask, we get a lecture because we have already been told and we were not listening because when you told us there was a hair on my shirt and I couldn’t pick it off and listen at the same time.  Who could?

Men don’t listen.

Women’s girlfriends always listen.  They don’t want to miss any gossip, they actually care, and they know they will get a chance to also talk.

Men listen if there is nothing to distract them (see above - 'hair on shirt') which is not often.  Also women don’t realize it, but they do not listen to men.  They don’t realize it because men gave up long ago and don’t have anything to say.   Admit it ladies, when your man comes home and you ask, “How was your day?” You really don’t care, that question is just an opening to tell him everything that happened to you from waking up, stuff at your job, cleaning a stain on the carpet, making soup, blah, blah, blah…


Men don’t care what they wear.

Women dress to impress gay men and other women.  Men dress for other men and men don’t care what they wear.

Men don’t know how to clean anything.

Women clean so other women don’t talk.  If another woman is coming over (even a professional housekeeper) women go into a cleaning frenzy.  Men don’t know about this kind of gossip…and we don’t care.

Some man behavior is purely logical (so women will not understand):

Men won’t ask for directions.

Women ask for directions at the drop of a hat.  They usually ask a man.  Men never admit to being lost, so they will give out directions even when they have no idea what they are talking about.  Men know this.  That is why men never ask for directions.

Men won’t cuddle after sex.

We will cuddle before sex to get sex; after sex, we just don’t see the point.

Men are only interested in sex.


Went back in the way-back machine to 2014 for this re-run.

Sunday, May 9, 2021

Stupid Headlines 050921



Stupid Headlines 050921

That's the end of that crime spree!

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.


Gettysburg battlefield visitor trapped in porta-potty by downed treeFor one half score, and a few hours, some poor father tried to extricate himself wondering whether this potty or his body would soon survive.

Hundreds of Joshes fight in NebraskaIn the preliminary, three Melvin’s had a rock, paper, scissors duel off.

Red Lobster shares biscuit corsage, boutonniere video for prom – They wouldn’t last very long on my lapel, those biscuits are mmm, mmm, GOOD!

New Jersey offering free beer for COVID-19 vaccine recipients – Not me! I don’t trust them and I’m not going to risk my health on an untested…wait…FREE BEER!

Biden says Americans earning less than $400K will not pay 'a single penny' in taxes – Unless you are still breathing!

Car drives onto car to avoid cat – The cat would have moved to get out of the way, except it is a CAT!

2 California homes invaded by hundreds of birds down their chimneys – Tippi Hedren was heard screaming, “I said cut…cut!”

Great horned owl travels hundreds of miles trapped in truck’s grille – Sometimes you’re the Owl, sometimes you’re the truck grille.

Michigan man builds 'poop wall’ after dispute with neighbor – Good fences make good neighbors; poop fences make poopy neighbors.

Kamala Harris and Doug Emhoff, both vaccinated, kiss with their masks on – You should see them eat soup!



Not so much feel good, as…Damn, What an Amazing Lady!!

Idaho school shooting: Teacher who disarmed student felt like angel was guiding her

And Happy Mother's Day to all you great moms!











Wednesday, May 5, 2021

It’s OK

 It’s OK

A Cranky opinion for 


The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with no expertise or credibility on the topic opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome, but they are wrong.  As always, no name calling.  And that means you, you big stupid-head!

Is anyone tired of walking on egg shells yet?  Do you watch your words? Words have consequences you know.  Sometimes the consequences are severe, and it seems the world is full of word police. 

Watch your gender usage, very important.  If you call a he a she you will be taken down.  Sometimes it is he, sometimes she, sometimes shim, sometimes…I don’t know.  I only know it is very important.

The safest thing is avoiding any gender reference.  I believe some languages place a gender on everything.  A chair may be masculine while a frying-pan is feminine.  A lawnmower is probably masculine…What the heck do they do in those countries?  Old people must really have to be careful,  I don’t know why anyone cares.

It’s kind of tedious to me.  Oh, I can learn, but I really don’t know why I have to say, “Merle Streep is a great female actor.” When It is easier to say, “Merle Streep is a great actress.”  My way saves a word!

Alright, I will learn the gender thing.  It is stupid, no big deal, just takes a little getting used to, and I don’t need the condescending corrections from people who have learned more of life in 27 years than I have in 75.

This is one that really is the aluminum foil on my fillings.

OK is no longer OK.  The traditional three finger OK sign now means “I believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

Well, that is what I have been told it means.  When I make that sign in means “Hey, stuff is OK!” 

“How are you?”

“…I make the OK sign”

“What? You believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

“No, I’m just saying that I’m OK.”

“Not any more, now you are saying you believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

“Who says so?”

“I don’t know, it just does.”

Now it turns out there are some very nasty people who use the sign, to tell people that they are giant ass-hats.  I don’t know why anyone would want the world to know that they are giant ass-hats, but there are those people.

What the Hell happened that this common and universal sign for “stuff is good” became usurped and used to mean something else?

Turns out it started as a hoax…a joke by some weird satirical publication, and ass-hats believed it and started to use the sign.

So now I can’t use this once universal sign that “Stuff is good” because some group made something up and some other ass-hats believed it?

I think not!

Here is the thing.  If a fat guy with a shaved head, and a swastika neck tattoo makes that sign, it means, “I believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

Probably a racist

If a pasty face out of shape egg-head white guy makes that sign, it means, “I just won ‘Jeopardy’ for the third time.”

Probably not a racist

If a star baseball player doubles up on the sign with his teammate after hitting a huge homerun, it means, “Holy crap, did you see that one?”

Probably not a racist

If I make the sign, it means, “Everything is alright.”

In summary:

Racist makes OK sign it means, “I am a racist.”  You can usually tell without the sign but…


Racist, or Man shooting pool?

Non-racist makes the sign, it means “something good.”

Not a racist

If you are not sure, assume it does not mean “I believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

“I believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!” Is not OK.

The preceding was the opinion of a  cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management...Mrs. Cranky!