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Monday, February 26, 2024

MY CAR IS POSSESSED

 

MY CAR IS POSSESSED




My 2017 Honda HRV (Harvey) is possessed!  Not repossessed, it is paid for, but possessed by some unknown force.

How is it possessed?  I have no idea.  I am the only owner, so it is not as if some previous Nere-do-well left it with some bad karma, or someone died a horrible death and the soul has not left Harvey. 

But possessed it is.

How?

Last month I left for a 4-mile drive to out local recycle center, Fort Grumpy.  (Yes, Mrs. C thinks I should get a job there too) I recycle once a week, carefully separating glass, plastic and cans, cardboard boxes, and paper into separate containers.  I’m pretty sure all this stuff ends up in the same land fill (several engineering experts in the field have confirmed this) but I still feel like I am doing something good for the environment once a week.

On the way to Ft. G. I pulled out my driver’s license and stuck it up under my sun visor.  



Our Ft. G. Grumps demand proof of residency to drop off recyclables, they are very thorough in ensuring some non-town resident cannot drop their stuff off on our center, so proof of residency is demanded.  I put it in my visor ahead of time to be “soup-nazi” prepared for the Grumps…they will yell!

Half way to the center I glanced up at my visor and the license was not there. 

What the Hell!

I pulled over and looked on the floor, the seats and even under the front seats.  Nothing!  How does a plastic license slip out of the visor and disappear without my even noticing?

I looked all over and nothing.  I drove back home for a more thorough search.  After tearing everything in the front seat apart without finding the license I turned to the back…as if a piece of plastic could slip out of a visor, fly out over the front seat and land on the floor in the back without my noticing a thing.

I found it on the floor almost under the back seat and slightly buried under assorted trash.  Impossible, and yet there it was.


Still hard to find...partially buried

Today I left for Fort Grumpy and once again stuck my ID firmly in the visor.  Once again half way to the center I looked up at the visor and …WTF!  Gone.

I Pulled over to check quickly and once again nothing.  I Drove home and checked all through the front driver and passenger side and again nothing.  I checked the back seats and there was the license.  Directly behind me.



So, without any moving of the visor, without hitting any bumps, the license somehow flew out of the visor, over my shoulder, and landed  behind the driver seat and I did not feel or see a thing.

The car is possessed I tell you!

 

Friday, February 16, 2024

Random Observations

 

Random Observations



 

Shopping with Mrs. Cranky after a painful visit with our tax accountant and I made several random observations.

ONE:

We bought a bathtub mat and some Gorilla Glue at Lowes.  We paid via self-check-out.  I hate self-check-out.  I understand at the supermarket when all 4 to 6 check-outs are busy, but…

At Lowes on a week day at 11:30 the whole giant store had about 5 shoppers.  At the self-check-out there was only Mrs. C and myself, and a Lowes employee to make sure we didn’t steal anything.  Of course, as it always seems to me, we also had to ask said Lowes employee a question about the process. 

It was nice she was there to assist, but when it is so slow, why not just have a cash register for the employee to do an old fashion check out instead of standing there watching?

TWO:

Later we passed a green gas station, “Fuel 4.”

“What the hell is a Fuel 4 gas station?”

“Why, who cares?”

“Just is that a national brand? Is it individually owned? Whose gas is it?  I mean all the big oil stations advertise their gas is the best.  Does Fuel 4 have special cleaning stuff, what is the octane, where does it come from?”

“What do you care, you don’t know the difference anyway?”

“I don’t know, it is just weird, I never heard of “Fuel 4.”

“You’re weird…and a jerk.

THREE:

Here is an observation, why are parking lot spaces so important?  Mrs. C made about three laps around the lot looking for the closest space.

“What the hell, just pick a space, you’ve passed up three spaces already!”

“It’s windy, I want to get closer.”

“You have got to be kidding…windy? Have you seen the price of gas? Time is money, gas is money, pick a damn space!”

“Just shutty! Jerk.”

FOUR:

In the supermarket some people still are wearing a face mask…well two people.  I don’t think those things ever worked for Covid, but I wore them so as to not be accused of killing Grandma.  Maybe those two were on chemo or had a reason to be extra careful, no skin off my teeth.  However, one person still did not have the mask over their nose!  Might as well tattoo “I am really stupid” across your forehead!

FIVE:

Also, this had me remembering, as my final random observation, when the supermarkets had arrows in the lanes directing only one way shopping.  At the time I thought that was stupid and said so.  I was severely chastised for that opinion and told that the arrows assured the 6-foot Covid rule.  Seemed to me that  pushing through floating Covid death breath from behind someone would be not less dangerous than crossing through it in a two-way traffic lane.  I let it go back during the Covid scare.  One-way two-way…stupid but what could it hurt.

I will now, several years later, finally get it out of my system,

Those one-way supermarket shopping lanes were really freaking STUPID!!  (Boy that felt good.)

That’s all the observations I’ve got for now.  I think I’d best just listen to Mrs. C and Shutty.

 

 

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

MRS. C OUTDOES HERSELF

 

MRS. C OUTDOES HERSELF

Happy Valentines Day, or as some call it, Hallmark Holiday Scam Day.

Today, Mrs. C out did herself.  Generally, for any card giving occasion, Mrs. C gets me two cards.  One is comical, the other mushy.  Today she outdid herself and I got two comicals and a mushy.

This is totally unnecessary.  

Given my relationship history, a simple posted note saying, “I don’t expect to be leaving you in the immediate future!” would make my day.

Instead, she spent $21 on cards (Used to be $3.99 a card, but I made the mistake of checking the current price on the back of the cards… yikes!) instead of said sticky note.

I mean it’s her money so…

In addition to the cards, she also managed to find a copy of the High School English writing book that I recently found out was using a Cranky Old Man blog as a homework assignment.  It must have taken an extra effort to find a used copy as it is not available new.

Very cool; thanks Mrs. C. 

                                                     The Book


The Blog

                                                                The Homework assignment

                                                                                 

As someone who hated homework assignments I am delighted to have become one.


In exchange, I got Mrs. C ONE mushy card, and a box of candy.
 

I got a Russell Stover assortment.  I once got her a Whitman's Sampler and found out the Whitman's was a trigger from a past bad Valentines Day.  I have been instructed to always get Russell Stover (RS for right stuff) and not Whitman's Sampler (WS for wrong stuff).  RS/WS, Mrs. C’s instructions insure even I get it correct.

We also have reservations to a Fancy Smancy restaurant tonight, that should at least equal extra two cards if not the thoughtful book.

Happy Valentines Day Mrs. C. and thanks for not planning to leave me in the near future! (As far as I know anyway.)