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Monday, September 24, 2018

Kitchen Drawers

Kitchen Drawers
 Our new kitchen is finally finished.  One really cool feature is that the drawers all pull completely out.  The entire drawer when pulled out is easily accessible; even all the way in the back.  I remember drawers that you could pull completely out, except they would then fall out and empty their contents on the floor. 

The kitchen drawers I’m used to have stops to keep from pulling them all the way out and on the floor.  They pull out about three quarters of the way. If you want something in the back you have to feel for it.  To me, a drawer that pulls all the way out without spilling on the floor is very exciting.

I couldn’t wait to show this excellent feature to Mrs. Cranky. 

“Did you know the drawers pull all the way out?”

“So?  All drawers pull all the way out.”

“What?  No they don’t!  Most drawers pull only three quarters of the way out.”

“Ok and…?”

“And this is a really big deal.  The drawers pull all the way out!  Plus if you give them a slight nudge they close by themselves”

"Ooh, that should save a lot of effort; no more drawer closing push!"

"It is really cool...these drawers are REALLY FRICKING COOL!!"

“Ok.  Whoop-dee-doo.  No need to have a drawergasm over it!”


Mrs. C. can take the shine off of chrome.

This cranky re-run is from September 2012.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

My License Plate is Invalid

My License Plate is Invalid

I saw this on the road the other day and an Abbot and Costello routine started to run in my head.

Man checking into a Motel:

“Yes sir, we have your reservation, now if you just sign in and I’ll need your License plate number.”

“My license plate is invalid.”

“That’s ok sir just give me the number, it’s status isn’t our concern.”

“It’s invalid.”

“I know sir, that is all right, what is it?”

“It is I-N-V-A-L-I-D!”

“No need to yell sir, I understand, but I just need the numbers even if they are invalid.”

“They are invalid.”

“I know sir, but what are they?”

“Third Base!”

“Thank you, room 32B the elevator is on your left.”

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Stupid Headlines 092318

Stupid Headlines 092318

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.


Kentucky woman 'defecated' on deputy to resist arrest – “Pants up, don’t poop!”

West Virginia man allegedly huffed paint, beat mother with spatula – I suppose that is the weapon of choice if you flip out.

Maine restaurant to get lobsters high off marijuana smoke before killing them – They get baked WITH pot before they get baked IN the pot!

Parking lesson ends with car in swimming pool – That’s not what they mean by car-pooling.

Dolphins players continue to kneel during national anthem – Giants continue to lie down after kickoff!

Eagles wide receiver Jordan Matthews says stint in Buffalo led to baby: 'There’s nothing to do there' - So... if it was sightseeing at the Liberty Bell and a cheese-steak sandwich the wife comes in second?

California teen claims celeb hit him with his car: 'But it's ok because it was by Ashton Kutcher' – Dang celebrities get away with everything!

Tourists Picking Up 26-Lb. Bricks of Marijuana Washing Up on Florida Beaches – This may explain why Florida supermarkets are running low on potato chips.

Raccoon breaks into Florida woman's home – Probably looking for one of those bricks.

Americans pay more for cannabis than Canadians – Except, of course, in Florida.

Delta passenger removed from plane for head-butting flight attendant – Passenger asked police, “Is that wrong, to head butt a flight attendant? If I had known it was wrong…”


Sofia Sanchez, girl surprised by Drake at hospital, talks about recovery from heart transplant – Top RAP artist puts a wrap to the bad rap that us old farts give to RAP.

My son listens to his stuff all the time, in one piece he actually rhymes “Fussin” with “Robitussin,” I make fun of him, but his music is very good…turns out he is a good guy to boot!