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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Touched By Fame

Touched By Fame
I don’t know what it is, but it seems I am constantly surrounded by famous people.  It can’t just be a coincidence, I must be a magnet to fame. 
When I was only five years old, our family moved to California.  We could not immediately sell the Long Island home we left, so Pop rented it.  Who was it rented to?  Bobby Riggs, star tennis player of yesteryear who later defeated highly ranked woman’s champion Margaret Court before he lost a famous match to Billy Jean King. 
 Touched by fame (indirectly).
When I was but ten years old, I squeezed through, cutting  a crowded line in order to meet and get the autograph of baseball great Mickey Mantle.
Touched by fame.
In college, I came within feet of “The Amazing Kreskin” at a fraternity sponsored show.
Touched by fame.
During lunch in the park at work one day, I was asked for directions by none other than Helen Gurley Brown, TV personality and the famed editor of Cosmopolitan.
Touched by fame.
Racing for the subway one day, I almost knocked over Curtis Sliwa, New York radio star and founder of “The Guardian Angles.”
Touched by fame.
A few years ago, while in the city with Mrs. C, she pointed out Steve Gutenberg, star of “Cocoon” and “Three Men and a Baby,” who was at the corner on a bicycle.
Touched by fame.
Not long after that while waiting for a plane, who walked through the waiting area but fashion icon and star of TV’s “Project Runway” Nina Garcia!
Touched by fame.
Only one year later, while at the NYC downtown Feast of San Genaro, my B-I-L spotted and stopped world famous actor, star of TV’s “Who’s The Boss” and “Taxi”, Tony Danza.
Tony seemed to want to get away from B-I-L...not sure why.
Touched by fame.
Not long after the Danza encounter, I was picking up some dry cleaning and bumped into TV’s RHONJ star Melissa Gorga.
Touched by fame.
If that is not enough, only last year at an "Oldies" concert, who walked right by our isle seats when making an appearance?  None other than radio DJ "Cousin" Bruce Morrow!
Touched by fame.
Will it ever end?
Clearly, Cranky is a celebrity magnate!

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Lock Mess Nonster

Lock Mess Nonster
Many years ago, there was a fuzzy picture of the Lock Ness Monster which had people very excited. 
Proof that the monster exists! 
This fuzzy photo could have been a blow-up pool toy, but it still perpetuated the myth. 
Then there was a film clip, also fuzzy, of bigfoot which turned out to be a guy in a costume.
There has been a few billion dollars spent on expeditions to prove the existence of Nessie and of Bigfoot.  There have been many sightings, but zero photos that were not fuzzy nothings.
Virtually every person in the world currently carries a cell phone/camera which takes brilliant photos and action clips.  There are cameras which left in trees, film any creature which triggers it with any movement.  We have sonar, we have night vision, we have heat sensor instruments, we have satellites which take pictures from outer space of tanks for crispy sake.  If the Lock Ness monster or Bigfoot existed we would have real proof by now.
No photos of Nessie or Bigfoot that aren’t fuzzy and fake looking.  No bigfoot bones ever uncovered, we have fossils and bones from dinosaurs millions of years old, but no bones or fossils of Nessie or Bigfoot.
Do bears shit in the woods?  Why yes, trackers see it all the time.  Bigfoot poop?  Never discovered.  Strange DNA of a Bigfoot or Nessie…I don’t think so.
Scientists have discovered strange creatures a zillion fathoms under the sea, but no Nessie.  Civilization has been encroaching on our wilderness such that deer, bear and mountain lions have become a nuisance, when years ago they were seldom spotted…where is a bigfoot.
All the technology, all the cameras at the ready, all the expeditions and TV specials dedicated to finding these mythical creatures and what have we found?  NADA!
Just the other day I saw this “Proof” that the Lock Ness Monster is real:
I’m convinced, or wait; actually, I think that is either a big stick in the lake, or a small worm on the lens.
Stop it people, Nessie and Bigfoot do not exist.

Monday, July 17, 2017

I MIGHT BE A PRICK!

I MIGHT BE A PRICK!
This cranky re-run is from June 2015...from the comments I m not the only one.

I might be a prick.  I don’t think I am a prick, but I just might be.  Why you ask, do I think I might be a prick?

I am not a wealthy man, but I can afford a buck.  Giving one dollar to a worthy cause will not affect my life style.  I should be willing to give a dollar to worthy causes, but apparently I am a prick.

Yesterday Mrs. C and I went grocery shopping.  When my bill was rung up, the cashier asked me, “Would you like to donate a dollar to the Something Something Blah Blah Blah FOR CHILDREN?

I have no idea what this charity was for.  All I heard was FOR CHILDREN.  What cause that ends in FOR CHILDREN would not be worth handing over a single dollar?  Probably none, except apparently I am a prick.

“No thank you, I don’t want to give a measly dollar to the Something Something Blah Blah BlahFOR CHILDREN, because I am a prick!”

The thing is, I just don’t like being hit up for a charity when I am not expecting it.  I don’t like that the store hits me up when I am running up a credit charge.  I don’t like the fact that I won’t be able to declare my contribution as a tax deduction, but the store probably will.  I give a buck and one million other blindsided customers give a buck and the CEO of the grocery store gets his picture in the paper handing over a tax deductable check for $1 million dollars. 

It just bothers me…but then I am a prick.

I give to charities from time to time.  I give to charities I care about, charities that hit close to my home.  If I give a buck to the store, it is one dollar less I have to give to my charities; so I say no and feel like a prick!

“No thank you, I don’t want to give a measly dollar to the Something Something Blah Blah BlahFOR CHILDREN, because I am a prick!”

After the grocery store we went to “Boston Market” to take home our dinner.  Checking out I was asked,

“Would you like to donate a dollar to the CHILDRENS FUND for something something?”

Mrs. C immediately pulled me by the arm, said no thank you and dragged me out of the store before I went on a rant to some poor 17 year old cashier who was only doing her job.

The next time I am asked for a dollar while checking out of a store I am going to ask to see the manager.  When he shows up I am going to ask him if he would like to donate a dollar to the Lustgarten Foundation to find a cure for pancreatic cancer.  If he says no I will just shake his hand and say “Well let’s just call it a draw then.”

If he says yes, I’ll do the same thing.

At least then I won’t feel like a prick.