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Saturday, June 19, 2021

Another Cranky Rant


Another Cranky Rant


That’s it, I’m taking my gloves off.  I’m tired of walking on word egg-shells and tap dancing around stuff that suddenly became forbidden to waltz through. 

I don’t get it and I’m done.  LGBTQ…wtf? I only can figure out a few of them.  Don’t use the “N” word.  Fine, what is it?  They won’t tell you because to do so would require you to use the actual word.  WTF?  Yeah, I said it, the “F” letter.  Pretty soon you won’t be able to use even the letters.

Oooh!  You said the “F” word letter!  Did you just use the “N” word letter instead of the “you know what”?  That means you are the “R” word!

Just now I read where an “L” word soccer player said in a ten-year-old tweet that she thought a certain ladies eyes looked like the “A” word.  Apparently, that was the “R” word, except I’ll bet the “L” word lady meant it as a compliment.  These days even a compliment can be deemed as “R” word.

Well, now I am fed up with the use of the “O” word.  You know the word.  I’m pretty sure it is used in a pejorative way.

He drives an “O” word car.  How is that meant to be nice.  It is pejorative.  I am 75 years the “O” word.  That can’t be meant in a nice way otherwise why would people sometimes say I am 75 years “young?”

I am offended by the use of the “O” word.  Well, not that “O” word, the other one. 

You know!

That “O” word is a good thing, it is the other “O” word I don’t like.  I am not sure if “He is the “O” word but he can still the “O” word” is good or not.  I think I object to the first “O” word.

Anyway, my thoughts just drifted.  Maybe because I am getting seasoned.  I am, after all, 75 years seasoned.

That’s it, from now on I declare the “O” word to be offensive.  You know, the offensive “O” word, not the other one. 

I prefer “Seasoned.”

If you disagree then you need to be cancelled!

I decree that from now on we use “Seasoned” instead of the offensive “O” word!


What?  I have to change the name of this blog?  That would be a pain in the “A” word.  Pretty sure that “seasoned” would only soon become the “S” word anyway.

So, never mind.

I apologize to anyone I may have offended by my use of several offensive letters.   I am ashamed of my insensitive self and intend to be better in the future.  I intend to attend sessions with a “C” (Not that “C”) in order to become a better version of myself.

I am sorry. 





Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Mrs. C the detective


Mrs. C the detective



Uh oh, this can not be good, not when she calls me Joseph.


“Come here, how did this happen?”

She was in the dining room and one of the windows was smashed.  A rock had ripped through the screen and busted the first pane of the double pane storm window.

“WTF…I don’t know.  Have you pissed off any local teenager lately?”

“I don’t think so.”

Can anyone figure out what happened before I solve the mystery?  I’ll wait.  Anyone…


No one?

OK, here it is.  The yard people were cutting the grass this day.  I was pretty sure that the mower had to kick a rock through the screen and the window.  Those blades can fling a rock like a bullet.

“Had to be the lawn mower.  The association should contact them, they will replace the window.”

“How do we prove it.”

“We don’t have to prove it, the window was fine yesterday, it was broken today while we were home, and we did not hear it because…the mowers are so flipping loud.”

“I still think we need to have proof.”

“Wait, lets check the Ring security camera.”

The Ring captured the mower making several passes near the window, but we could not see it shooting any rock.

“Wait, Mrs. C called, run it again and listen.”

 At 1 minute 10 seconds in, there was a slight click sound, barely audible.  At 1 minute 22 seconds there it was again.  We ran the clip over and over.

“Look, at the first click see that leaf move?”

“Yes, but it is way up high.  Unless like the Kennedy thing it is a ‘magic rock’.”

“Look at the second click, something seems to whiz by the tree, like a speck.”

It took three tries for me to see what she was seeing, and the speck was at window level.

“That’s it, but what was the first click, our imagination?”

“Maybe there were two rocks.”

I went out and looked up at where the leaf moved.  Sure enough, the facing up by the roof had a scratch and slight dent.  Nothing worth fixing, barely noticeable, but an explanation for the other click, and further confirmation of our lawnmower rock theory.

Mrs. C sent an email to the association.  She sent a copy of the video, a picture of the broken screen and window pane with the rock still there, along with a picture of the roof facing.  She carefully gave the exact times on the video to hear the clicks and see the movement.

“You know, I’m pretty sure all you have to do is tell them and say you have video proof from our security camera.  You don’t have to send them a copy and give them all the times to check.”

“Yeah, you're probably right, but after all the Perry Mason shows we’ve seen every morning, I just can’t help myself."

I’m pretty sure we will win our case!





For those of you who do not get this title, Mask you a question is New York for “May I ask you a question.”  New Yorkers don’t like to waste time with words so they tend to run them together.  For example, "Honest to God" is "Onstagod".

Anyway, May I ask you a question?  Do you wear a mask or not?

The CDC says if you are vaccinated you do not have to wear one, but who knows who has been vaccinated or not?  There are no tattoos on the forehead.   Who is safe?

I’m not all that sure that masks were ever that effective.  I say that because in New Jersey EVERYONE wore a mask EVERYWHERE, and our cases were still as high or higher than any state.

What the heck, when in doubt wear the mask.  For most people they could do no harm, only a bit uncomfortable.

The problem now is, and will be for a while at least, that when you do wear the mask there are people that give you the stink-eye, like

“Why are you wearing that mask, you indoctrinated fool!”

And if you don’t wear a mask there are people who point and tell you,

“You are being selfish; you could be killing my grandmother!”

I still wear a mask most of the time because I’d rather be a fool than to be accused of killing someone’s grandmother.

If I am asked, of course with much distain, why I am wearing a mask, I will simply reply,

“Because I just want to buy a few groceries with out pissing off as many people as possible, not sure why you even give a crap.”

Is there anything in this country that is no longer political? 

Wear a mask, you’re a liberal.  Don’t wear a mask you are a racist conservative pig.  Keep the schools closed …liberal.  Open the schools…pig.  Make the OK sign…racist.  Fly the American flag…racist conservative pig…don’t fly the flag…liberal commie.  Use the wrong pronoun…sexist homophobe, and also pig, don’t forget pig. 

Zip before button…sexist!

White…BAD!  Believe in God…BAD!

Mask you a question?  WTF?