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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Pillow Talk

Pillow Talk
Damn, I had a thing for Doris!
Returning on a several hours trip from the wake of a family friend, my wife had Sirius Radio tuned to the seventies channel.  A song came on, “Pillow Talk.” 

“I’ll bet you’ve never heard this song.”

“Of course not, you know I had three children all under ten in the seventies I missed that whole decade and most of the eighties!”

“Do you know what pillow talk is?”

“I know what it is in our house.”


"Let’s see, how about:"
“Can you turn down the volume, I’m trying to sleep, what are you deaf?”


“Very funny, turn it down.”

Then later.

“Why did you change the channel?”

“What?  You were asleep, I don’t want to watch “Family Feud” I want to catch up on “Wicked Tuna.”

“I Can’t sleep to “Wicked Tuna”, it wakes me up!”

“So, I have to watch a show I don’t like so you can sleep because my show wakes you up?”


“That’s crazy, and how do you go from sound asleep to wide awake just because I change the channel to my show?”

“I like the background noise from ‘Family Feud.’  ‘Wicked Tuna’ has too much excitement, it wakes me up...JERK”

“OMG!! OK, I’ll watch “Family Feud.”

Pillow Talk!  How the hell did they make a song about that in the eighties?
From The Urban Dictionary:

Pillow Talk can be any variety of things. It can be before or after being intimate, or without that at all. The point of pillow talk, though, is for two people to enjoy each other's presence through conversation, in a somewhat spontaneous way, but in a way that will let both parties go to bed with clear heads.

OH!  That pillow talk.

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Monday, May 20, 2019

The Origins of SAYINGS

The Origins of SAYINGS

A rework of the best in a series of posts from 2011

Do you ever wonder where the many common sayings we use every day come from?  What are the origins of expressions we hear all the time?  You may be surprised.  Here are more of Cranky’s “ORIGINS OF SAYINGS.”

"Break a Leg"

Meaning: Wish an actor good luck. 
Origin: To bend or break one’s leg was an archaic phrase for taking a bow.  In the theater, a successful performance means taking a curtain call bow, so “Break a leg” is to wish an actor a successful performance.

"Buy The Farm"

Meaning: Die

Origin: Farmers were notorious for having a large mortgage on their property.  When a farmer died and he had life insurance the neighbors would remark, “At least the insurance will pay off the mortgage.  Hence – He bought the farm!

“Don’t yank my crank”

Meaning: Don’t try and fool me.

Origin: Fisherman knew they had a fish on when their crank moved.  As a goof it was common for another fisherman to pull on the line which moved the crank and made the fisherman think he had a fish.  Fisherman used the expression anytime someone tried to fool them, “Hey, don’t yank my crank.”

“There is more than one way to skin a cat”

Meaning: There is more than one way to get a job done.

Origin: This was obviously first said by someone who was not a cat skinner as it turns out there is actually only one way to skin a cat.

“Use your noodle”

Meaning: Think, be smart; use your head.

Origin: In some cultures, pasta is the main course and served from the head of the table. Pasta or the noodle became synonymous with the head.  Thus, to be smart you use your head, or use your noodle.  (Also see “She gives really good noodle!”)

“A stitch in time saves nine”

Meaning: A little precaution saves time in the long run. 
Origin: To stitch a hem before it unravels will save many more stitches in the future.  This phrase makes very little sense to Germans.

 “Get outta the fucking car”

Meaning: Police jargon for “Sir, please exit your vehicle.” 
Origin: First used when Rodney King did not understand “Please,” “Exit,” or “Vehicle.”

 “Pissed off”

Definition: Very angry
Origin: The Pizdoff family of Scranton Pa. was known for their loudness. One day a stranger in town noticed Mrs. Pizdoff arguing boisterously with her husband.  The stranger asked a local what was the argument all about.  The local replied, “oh, it’s nothing, there just Pizdoffs.”

 “Two wrongs don’t make a right”

Meaning: Retaliation of a wrong doing will not make things better.  

Origin: In 1880, two Chinese inventors attempted to develop the incandescent bulb.  The Wong brothers failed and finally gave up on the dream.  Americans mis-interpreted a Japanese article about the effort and 

“Two Wong’s no make a rite”
Turned it into a philosophical saying. 

“I before E except after C or sounds like ay…”

Meaning: A spelling rule. 
Origin: There used to be only three “ie” words in the English language, believe, receive, and neighbor.  This rule is currently useless.

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”

Definition: Accept a gift graciously and unconditionally
Origin: Kansas farmer Seth Travers was given a plow horse as a wedding present from his father-in-law.  Before he said thank you Seth checked to see the horse had all its teeth.  He was shot by his insulted father-in-law.

“It’s raining cats and dogs”

Definition: A really heavy rain storm
Origin: Harvey Katz and Charlie Docks were roofing a farm house when a sudden heavy rain storm came up.  Both roofers slipped on the wet shingles.  When the farm owner looked out and saw Harvey and Charlie fall by the window he remarked,

“Look, it’s raining Katz and Docks.”

"Smart as a whip”

Definition: Pretty fucking smart.
Origin: Ever been hit with a whip?  It Fucking SMARTS!

“Dumb as a stump”

Definition: Someone is really stupid.
Origin: Most people believe this refers to a tree stump not being very smart. Actually, it originally came as a reference to a 1900's Akron Ohio resident who was known to be the stupidest man in Ohio; Thomas A. Stumb.

As these are the "best of," aren't you glad I weeded out the bad ones!

Sunday, May 19, 2019

She Did What?

She Did What?
I just read something in the news that has got me wondering.

A young woman in Florida…of course it was Florida…was arrested along with 20 others for solicitation and trafficking in heroin.  A serious charge, but this was only newsworthy on a national scale as this woman had won a million dollars in a lottery not long ago.

That is not what got me wondering.

What caught my eye was the additional charge filed against her.

unlawful use of a two-way communication device”


That’s a crime?  Selling and distributing heroin is pretty serious, why this charge?  Like if we don’t get a conviction for selling drugs, at least we can put her away for a long time for the crime of unlawfully using a two-way communication device?

What was it, a walkie talkie?  A cell phone?  How do you use such a device illegally?

I use a cell phone all the time.  I have never been schooled as to what is lawful use and what is unlawful use of such a device. 

Maybe she took a cell phone a smashed someone over the head.  Would that be unlawful use of a two-way communication device, or would it be assault?

I use my computer to send emails.  Is it a two-way communications device?  I can speak to front door guests on my “Ring” doorbell.  Perhaps I shouldn’t do that.

Please, someone let me know what is lawful and what is unlawful use of a two-way communication device.  Apparently unlawful use of such a device is as serious as dealing drugs.

Until I am sure that I am not breaking the law I will stop all use of any two-way communication devices, so this will be my last post in a while.


Wait, I just Googled and found this:

The 2018 Florida Statutes
Chapter 934 
934.215 Unlawful use of a two-way communications device.—Any person who uses a two-way communications device, including, but not limited to, a portable two-way wireless communications device, to facilitate or further the commission of any felony offense commits a felony of the third degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.
History.—s. 1, ch. 2001-114.

I should have known; it is only an offense in Florida.  So, if you are in Florida and planning to break the law, do not discuss or plan said law breaking on a cell phone or walkie-talkie.


This has been a Cranky PSA.