This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011



I was recently at a friend’s bar-b-q.  I struck up a conversation with a gentleman who seemed to be a nice guy, and reasonably intelligent. Then the talk turned to the pending ten year anniversary of the 9-11 attacks.  This numb nuts suddenly offered up the opinion that the attacks were orchestrated by our own government under the instructions of President George Bush.
The dude was obviously looking for a heated argument on the subject.  Ordinarily I would have obliged.  This time, however, Mrs. Cranky gave me a look. 

“Really, the President ordered the attacks.  Why do you think he would have done that?”
“Are you kidding?  Did you see how his popularity rose after the attacks?”

“Hmmm” I hummed through clenched teeth, “Good point, I never thought of that.  Pass the mustard please.  You dumb fucking idiot!

I now choose to use this blog to say what I would have liked to have said, except that I know an argument was just what this bonehead wanted, and his position really did not even deserve a response.

I have to believe a sitting president could do many things to increase his popularity in the poles.  Knocking down and destroying the largest buildings in NYC, completely destroying a third building, causing mass destruction to several other downtown buildings, blowing up a portion of the pentagon and killing 3000 people seems like a pretty big risk to gain popularity.  I don’t see that big an upside, and if the plot was discovered the down side would be rather severe. 

So what was the plan?  The president and his cabinet get together and decide to trick some Muslim extremists into learning to fly, timing an attack, and then hijacking four planes and flying them into buildings.  The president could then get all presidential, promise to retaliate, and then start two wars.  This sounds like a foolproof plan to win popularity.  What could go wrong? 

I think the President could have pulled this off with no more than 300 people being in on the plot.  Many of those 300 people would be from unfriendly foreign countries and many of those people wouldn’t have had a pot to piss in.  What are the chances that any one of those people would drop a dime on the President’s plot?  Nixon could not cover up Watergate and only about ten people knew what was going on.

I might have pointed out that most people of this noodnick’s ilk think George Bush was our dumbest president ever, how could he mastermind such a devious plot to become popular? 

I am sure this dumb asshole at the Bar-b-q would have said that the evil genius Dick Chaney was behind the plot and all so that the administration would get reelected and his pals at Halliburton would prosper from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Forget the fact that Halliburton was doing quite nicely, and that Dick Chaney has more than enough money to last the 2 ½ years he probably has left given his bad heart. 

The other day I had to listen to the Iranian blowhard President Achmed Amawanablojob tell the world that the planes could not have dropped those buildings, they were loaded with explosives by the US government to incite the world against Muslims so that we could start wars in the Middle East. 

The planes flying into the buildings were just for show.  Hmmm…load the buildings with explosives, and then fly planes into them…that’s two plots to cover up.  No problem. 

If you want an excuse to start a war, obviously blowing up one building would not be enough, so we blew up four buildings and tried to take out the White House for good measure or were the passengers on flight 93 who took down the plane in Pennsylvania part of the plan.

Shit, Lyndon Johnson started the Viet Nam war when only one boat got attacked and slightly damaged in the Gulf of Tonkin, but the Bush administration was so freaking stupid they had to destroy four of the most important buildings in the country and kill 3000 people to start a war.

I guess if we can put a man on the moon, surely we could pull off this plot and everybody would just keep it a secret.

Oh wait….wasn’t that whole moon thing just faked?                 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011



Day three at Disney, and it was off to Animal Kingdom.  This was a park I thought I might enjoy, and I was looking forward to watching the kids as they saw fantastic new animals up close.  Off course our lodging surrounds an African savanna setting. There are zebras, ostriches, giraffes, water buffalo, cranes, and horned animals by the dozen.  What excited the Crankettes and one of the step-cranks the most?  Look, a rabbit!  Yes, a rare Florida rabbit was the big attraction.
Animal Kingdom proved to be pretty cool, and the lines were not as bad as the other parks.  We even had lunch with almost no wait and no problem finding a table.

One aside I must submit here.  I have been critical of the “scooter customers.”  Those patrons who for one reason or the other (Usually they are just too freaking fat) are unable to walk the park.  I felt bad about this criticism until today.  Today I saw one of our brave soldiers walking the park…with a prosthetic leg, and a prosthetic arm.  Here was a man who literally lost an arm and a leg for his country, and he was walking the park.  I did not see if he had to wait in line or not.  I only hope he was brought to the front of every exhibit to the cheers of the crowd…..fat scooter people included.

We went on a safari in the morning.  It was way cool.  There were animals from lions and cheetahs to elephants and rhinos.  The tour was excellently narrated by our driver who sounded exactly like Sam Kinnison.  It was educational and entertaining. 
Safari so good!

I am so sorry.  I had to write that, it’s my Tourette’s.  I am just very sorry. 

The rest of the day went well, and we saw several very nice exhibits.  We took a break from three o’clock to five, and then it was off to the Magic Kingdom for a Halloween special evening. 
If people think water boarding is torture, I invite them to a Disney special Halloween evening.  Everywhere I looked there was either a princess, or Captain Jack Sparrow.  Lines for Disney autographs were huge, and the parade (granted the kids loved it) was tedious.  Fortunately Mrs. Cranky let me skip the fireworks (Mrs. C loves fireworks) and I caught an empty bus back to our lodge.  I survived.  Tomorrow I am allowed a day at the pool and the next day we take a Disney cruise.

It was brutal, but I survived.  Let the memories please begin to fade.      

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Cranky Old Man at Disney Day 2

Cranky Old Man at Disney Day 2

Day 2 at Disney was a little easier on the Cranky Old Man.  We went to Disney Hollywood studios.  The crowds seemed a little less, and we were more expeditious in the use of the fast pass system.  There were more sitting exhibits, and with some Gold Bond Powder, less chaffing.
The Crankettes managed to get several “Disney Autographs”, including the much sought after Donald and Daisy Duck and Minnie Mouse.  The worst job at Disney has to be the employee that tells five your old children, “I’m sorry, but the line for Minnie is closed.”

My biggest complaint at Disney is the waiting.  It’s not just the exhibits. There is a line for ice cream, a line for the restroom, and when it rains (which is apparently every freaking day) there is a line for an overpriced poncho.  Lunch facilities are packed, and you cannot even get a seat at a sit-down restaurant.

Another Disney observation is the kids.  I give credit to the Wannabe Princess; her Crankettes are well behaved and are enjoying themselves.  I see so many children that are crying, pouting, kicking and screaming.  These little brats are in the world’s greatest children’s environment and they are still miserable!  They want this, they want that, and the poor parents are carrying all that shit around all day.  Parents….if your kid is going to be miserable, why spend thousands of dollars.  I am sure they can be just as miserable for nothing at home.

My final observation for the day involves strollers.  If your six year old can’t walk the park, don’t go!  When I see these kids in a stroller with their knees up to their chins sucking down a soda and pointing the way for dad to push them…whining all the way, I want to barf.  When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, old enough to talk, old enough to freaking WALK!

Monday, September 26, 2011



When I was a lad, my family lived in Southern California.  We lived fifteen minutes from Disneyland, except Disneyland was not built yet.  We moved east to Long Island, New York two weeks before Disneyland opened.  I always wanted to go to Disneyland until I became a parent, then I wanted nothing to do with it.  Disney is for kids. 
I have managed to avoid Disney for low these many years until I married Mrs. Cranky.  Mrs. Cranky is one of those “Disney” people.  She can’t have enough Disney, and is a member of the Disney Vacation Club.  As my affection for Mrs. Cranky far outweighs my distaste for Disney I am this week in Orlando with Mrs. C, the step-cranks, the Wannabe Princess, her three Crankettes, and our good friend/guide Elaine.

The flight to Florida was delightful.  We all had separate seats.  The luck of the draw put me next to a nice young man, and his nine month old little girl.  As much as I would like to tell about a horrible trip next to a screaming baby, truth is the little girl was not that bad.  Oh she was a handful for dad, but did not really disturb me.  After two and a half hours of entertaining that little girl, she fell sound asleep in dad’s lap as the plane made its landing approach.

We made it to our Animal Kingdom hotel and have since been to downtown Disney, and The Magic Kingdom.  I have several observations to this point:

1.     Disney is a beautiful place, except there are way too many little kids.

2.     Standing in line for 40 minutes for a 4 minute ride sucks.

3.    Apparently Pirate skeletons are scary as Hell to a three year old.

4.    No matter how much crap you buy a kid, sooner or later you will have to just say no and he will cry, sulk, and be unhappy for an hour.  You might just as well say no from the beginning.

5.     Mickey Mouse is the worst of all the Disney Characters, but he was the first so he symbolizes Disney.  This is a good thing, because mouse ears are easy for little kids to wear.  Duck beaks would be clumsy.

6.    This is a very Wheelchair/L’il Rascal friendly place.  I’ve never seen so many of these devices in one place.  Friendly is fine, but why do these “disabled” patrons get first crack at the busses and go to the front of the lines for rides?  I’m an old man that has been standing for 6 hours.  I am tired and sore as hell, my hip is aching and some clown bumps me just because he is too freaking fat to walk the park?  Damn, he is already sitting, who better to wait?

Today was my first full day at Disney.  We walked and stood, walked and stood from ten till six.  The step-cranks loved it, the Crankettes loved it, the Wannabe Princess loved it, Elaine and Mrs. Cranky loved it.  I am one bad backed, sore muscled, chaffed butted Cranky Old Man.  There are four more days to go.

Let the memories begin!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Headlines 9-25

Headlines 9-25

It’s Sunday, time for my weekly post of last week’s strange headlines with my stupid sophomoric comments.  This post has not proven to be particularly popular, but it is simple.  Without further ado-


Republicans criticize tax on millionaires ideaTaxing an idea is ridiculous no matter how rich a person is!

France say 'non!' to easy ride against All Blacks – Entire country demands those of African descent not allowed shock absorbers.

Maryland Man Who Faked Death Gets 7 Years in Prison Lawyer demands retrial on grounds fake death penalty is against fake constitution.

Scientists Worry over 'Bizarre' Trial for Failing to Predict Earthquake – Today’s weather report, temps from 65 – 80, cloudy with a chance of a violent cataclysmic earthquake.

Man Reportedly Impersonating NFL Quarterback Vince Young – Eagle fans complain Vince Young is impersonating an NFL Quarterback.

PETA plans porn website to promote message – Degrading women is OK, just don’t tease a puppy!

Kindergartener brings crack pipe, meth for show-and-tell – Damn, I thought finger painting was cool.

U.S. calls online poker site a "global Ponzi scheme" - If you can’t trust a poker player, who can you trust?

Man wins dumpling eating contest, then dies – He always wanted to retire on top.

Couple from '16 and Pregnant' arrested in Arkansas – Couple is released and marriage deemed valid after proving they are in fact first cousins.

Texas School Punishes Boy for Opposing Homosexuality - Punishment was rescinded after boy repented and gave the principal a blow job.

Texas Prisons End Special Last Meals for Inmates – No more last meal requests before they KILL you.  Isn’t that cruel and unusual punishment?  I’d think twice before I kill anyone in Texas.

Saturday, September 24, 2011



I’m going to lose some “followers” with this, but I’m guessing those followers don’t really follow anyway.  I love comments, I am sure most of us do, but some comments are so in sincere I can do without them.
Some comments are the blogging equivalent to “have a nice day.”  I can have a nice day without someone telling me to thank you very much.  “You have a great day now.”  Thanks, I was planning on getting a flat tire, catching a cold and finding my wife with another dude until you told me to “Have a great day now.”

The comments that really get me are the follow me comments.

LOL, good stuff, check me out at ****@*****

I do check out the other sites, but “Mollysellsgirlyshittomommys”?  I am the Cranky Old Man.  I am sure many people love your site, but a Cranky Old Man?  You are not reading my stuff, and I don’t like girly shit, why should we follow?  What is it with these follow numbers?
I see bloggers who follow over three thousand other blogs.  How?  What is going on?  Who the frick can read thousands of blogs per day?

Here is a comment that just made me warm all over:
“Those were interesting, thank you, new follower at*****@***** check me out.”

INTERESTING?  The post was supposed to be funny.  If you read it you would say either “very funny”, or “that sucked”.  Very Interesting, what does that mean?

Here are other bull shit comments, I’d rather not see:
“Love your blog, I’m at *****@*****”
“Great post, passing through from *****@*****”
“Love your site, following from *****@***** stop by…..”
“Stopping by from ****@**** now following and would love a follow back if you get a chance”
“Hi, I am a new follower from ****@***** please follow back”

Here is a generalization that will cost me some friends.  The MOM blogs are full of “buy this”, “win this” and “coupons, coupons, coupons”.  The MUM blogs tend to have content.  Are we that shallow in the USA, or can you make money with coupon shit?
Hey, I’m just asking.

Hope I did not offend anyone with this, but those I would offend do not really read my stuff any way. 
I’ll bet I get at least one comment, “Lol, following from *****@*****, come check me out.”

You have a great day now!

Friday, September 23, 2011




Law firms advertize on TV to drum up business.  Lately I have been seeing ads that are looking for people that have been injured from prescription drugs.   Almost any drug taken incorrectly or in conjunction with another drug can be harmful.  Almost all drugs can have negative effects on different people and need to be monitored.  Some drugs just have not been properly tested and even though FDA approved the drug companies should probably absorb some liability.
Apparently law firms also have some liability.  If they advertize that a specific drug might be harmful, and a patient stops taking the medicine which could be saving his life, the law firm may be held liable.

This is why the latest law firm commercial I heard contains a disclaimer:

“If you take Factrose for diabetes even for a short time, you could get kidney cancer.  If you took factrose and suffer kidney cancer or any other illness, contact Rippemoff, Sukmdry and Bubba.  You may be eligible for large monetary compensation.  Do not stop taking Factrose without first speaking to your doctor.”

So…..this drug is dangerous even if taken for a short period of time……. we may be able to sue the drug company, your doctor, or both…..but check with your doctor first.  Yes, we here at Rippemoff, Sukmdry and Bubba are warning you not to take this drug, unless it works, then we do not want to be liable for warning you about it being dangerous.
Wha wha WHAT?  I should check with the doctor who may be prescribing a dangerous drug?

“Excuse me Doc, but my lawyer says Factrose may cause kidney cancer.  Should I still take it?”  What is your doctor going to say? 
“Heck no!  Stop taking it and when you go into a diabetic coma ask your freaking lawyer to prescribe something!”

The drug companies warn you of multiple reactions from cancer to suicide to acne if you take their drug which may save your life.
“If you are suffering from diabetes, ask your doctor about Factrose to control your blood sugar.  In a small percentage of patients Factrose may cause acne, boils, thoughts of suicide or death.  If you suffer from acne, boils, or thoughts of suicide call your doctor.  If you die while taking Factrose, have someone else call the mortuary.  

The lawyers are ready to sue anyone if the drug so much as gives you the sniffles but also tell you to check with the same doctor who is prescribing the dangerous drug before you stop taking it.  Everyone is trying to cover their butt to avoid all liability.
One of the things wrong with our healthcare system is that decisions for treatment are made with lawyers circling overhead.  Potential liability, valid or not, sometimes trumps the best treatment, and disclaimers scare the BeJesus out of patients. 

If there is such a thing as psychosomatic illness, between the drug company disclaimers and lawyer’s advertisements, today’s patients do not stand a chance.     

Thursday, September 22, 2011



The amazing thing about toddler talk is how siblings understand it perfectly.  When I visited my daughter during my granddaughter Halley’s peak cute toddler talk years, I used her older brother Tommy as an interpreter.  He always knew what she was saying.
When I am on my Thursday sit with Matt’s children, I am amazed that Cole interprets for Connor.  It is amazing because Connor does not talk.  Connor points and grunts with varying intonations. 

“Connor says no.” 

“Thank you Cole.”

“Connor wants down.”

“Thank you Cole.”
“Connor wants his yellow shirt with the green stripes…….or he has a big smelly poop.”

“Thank you Cole.”
Cole is almost never wrong, he interprets intonations!

This week Cole got frustrated with my inability to understand the secret toddler language.  I asked him what story they read last week at Barnynoven Barnes and Noble.  Cole responded, “Pling blives.”
“What?  Ping Lives?”

"Sing bees?”

I threw up my hands.  I had no idea.  That is when Cole got creative.  He walked over and picked up a toy, held it out, dropped it and said, “Pling.”

“Ness (yes)”

He then went over to a potted plant, pointed to the leaves and said, “Blives.”

“Falling leaves?  The book was about falling leaves?

When Grandma Elaine came to take Cole to this week’s B+N reading she confirmed last week’s reading was in fact about falling leaves.

I’m thinking that Cole was pretty smart to communicate by playing charades.

The answer to last week’s Toddler Talk quiz –

“Meeshkin Mushkin” was “English Muffin” – No Whoop-tee-doos were awarded. 
Scott Z. was close with “Dunkin Munchkins”
This week’s Toddler Talk quiz is courtesy of Mrs. Cranky’s son Peter (now 21)

“Puppy Tilding.” Used in a toddler sentence:

“Ooh, ita big Puppy Tilding!”

The winner will receive a Whoop-tee-doo! 

Let’s at least have some guesses this week!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011



As a cranky old man I am guilty looking back and thinking “Those were the good old days.”  The days where we didn’t worry about bullying, self-esteem, AIDS, terrorists, Bernie Madoff, gay marriage, peanut butter, gluten, cults, illegal drugs, and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

In the good old days you could buy a cheeseburger for thirty cents.  Bowling costs thirty-five cents a game.  You could watch the NY Knicks play at Madison Square Garden for fifty cents if you had a student GO card.  A 45 record costs fifty cents, an LP costs $1.99.  Those were the good old days.  Stuff was cheap and we didn’t have a worry in the world.


Everyone had a friend or family member that was affected by polio.  We didn’t need a vaccine for measles, mumps, chickenpox, or rubella; when a neighbor child was sick, moms would bring their children over to get infected also.  It was best to get these diseases over early, as they were more dangerous at an older age.  Oh, the “good old days.”

Medical care was inexpensive, but often all the doctor could tell you was how long you had to live.

A TV cost as much as it does today.  The largest set was 21 inches.  You could get seven channels all in black and white.  I could not wait for the latest episode of “My Mother the Car.”

If you wanted air conditioning you went to the movies or the grocery store.  How I miss the “good old days.”  

Telephones were big, clunky, and attached to a cord.  A ten minute long distance call from NY to LA could cost $20.  There was no call waiting, no voice mail, or texting.

Credit cards, took ten to fifteen minutes to process a purchase; the clerk had to call and verify that each card was valid.

We didn’t have to worry about terrorists, but as a child we had weekly air-raid drills (under the desk, get in a ball, and cover your neck with intertwined fingers.)  Every student knew where the “Fall-out” shelters were located in the school.  The wealthy families had “Fall-out” shelters in their basement stocked with can goods, water and a shotgun to keep out the riff-raff.  The riff-raff had to hope that if the A-bomb was dropped it would be during school hours when the shelters were open.

We had our own lovely war, Vietnam.  Thank God we fought that one.  Over fifty thousand killed, but we could still play dominoes….or something….I remember there was some kind of a good reason for that war.

The good old days were especially fun if you were not white.  You had your own second rate schools, your own drinking fountains and your own restrooms.  You had your own section of the bus and you never had to bother voting.

Some “coloreds” didn’t like these private facilities so they had to be hosed, beaten with batons, shocked with cattle prods, shot or hung.  Ah the “good old days.”

Women were also treated special.  They could be nurses, secretaries, teachers, mothers or spinsters.  It was great having choices in the “good old days.”

We never worried about pollution, we just polluted.  There was plenty of room on the highways, rivers or oceans for those bottles, tin cans, and assorted refuse.  There was plenty of air, so we burned everything without worry about all that smoke.  If we needed heat we just burned stuff: coal, wood, whatever, and no need for any expensive processes to remove the smoke, just burn baby burn.  Leaves in the fall?  Just burn them.  Oh how they smelled good.

Everything smelled good; in “the good old days.”

Monday, September 19, 2011



My Jeep was due for an oil change and lube.  In the past I have taken it to the dealer, but my dealer went out of business.  The nearest dealer is a bit out of the way, and since I only needed an oil change and a lube, I figured just one time I could go to the local Quickie Lube.
I pulled into the Quickie Lube bay and immediately the lube guy, an almost 22 year old Vo-tech grad with a “What?” tattooed on his neck,   introduces himself.  “My names Gil, how can I help you today?”  I informed the lube guy I only wanted an oil change and a lube. 

“Yes Sir.  Do you need new wipers?”

“Just an oil change and a lube please.”

“We have a special on the four wheel transmission fluid change.”

"Just an oil change and a lube please.”

“OK, yes Sir. How about filters, hoses or belts?”

“Oil and lube please.”

"OK, suit yourself.”

I settled back as Gil and the unseen workers under the bay went through the check list of stuff.

“Belts…OK.  Window washer fluid….OK.  Franistan….OK.  Pergafloid….full.  Fremager…check.  Oh O!  Excuse me Sir, can I show you something?”

“Just come on over here.  Look at this exhaust housing, see how dirty and even a bit wet it is; your fuel ophrenks need to be flumuxed and cleaned every 8000 miles.  If your jets get clogged it will cost you power and gas mileage.”
I see; it’s an engine, and it does look dirty.

I noted that what he was pointing to was dirty, and thought to myself, “Gee it’s connected to an engine fueled by gas and oil which when burned creates what?   Hmmm smoke, soot, certainly not anything clean; I think I’ll take a chance for now.”
“Good to know, I’ll tell the dealer next time I take the car in.”

“You know, the dealers only want to sell cars, they don’t really care about preventative maintenance and they’ll charge a fortune.”

“So you think they want their cars to crap out so they can sell me a new car?  I’m not sure that’s a very good business model.”
“Well Sir, my cousin worked at a dealer.  The stories I could tell you.”

“Gil, if a doctor told me I needed a new heart value, I would go for a second opinion.  I realize the car dealers are underhanded crooks, and I am sure you wouldn’t sell something to me that I didn’t need just to make a commission, after all I have known you for eleven minutes so I can trust you, but right now I just want an oil change and a lube.”
“OK, suit yourself.  But you’ll be sorry.”

I pulled out ten minutes later and $39.99 shorter after paying for just an oil change and a lube.  
As I drive today, even though I know better, I keep thinking the pick-up is a little sluggish, and my gas mileage is not what it should be.

“You’ll be sorry,”   Fucking Gil! 

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Headlines 9-18

Headlines 9-18

It’s Sunday, and that means a day of rest.  My blogging day of rest is another Headlines post.  This consists of funny headlines and my stupid sophomoric comments.  So without further ado, here is this week’s lazy man’s post.


Watching SpongeBob Can Lead to Learning Problems Experts also find that watching 1950’s cartoons of a mouse turning a cat inside out and then chopping it to bits by a lawnmower heightens children’s awareness.

California Principal Says Cheerleading Miniskirts Too Risqué Attendance at football games is up 200%.

Mom Donates Kidney to Son, Loses Job - Hires a lawyer to get her job back, but the Lawyer charged an arm and a leg.

Black Widow Gang Was Bent on Killing Husbands for Insurance Money Gang repented when they realized divorce was more profitable.

Bodybuilder kills dog by throwing him out the window then plays dumb: - PLAYS?

SAT Reading Scores Fall to Lowest Level on Record Experts recommend more teacher tenure, higher salaries, and outlawing Sponge Bob Square pants.  


Experts confused as scores SUN-FRI remain the same.

Court: California Teacher Loses Fight to Keep 'God' Banners in Classroom The Court also rules it is unlawful to display the word DOG opposite a mirror.

Israeli Lifeguard Rescues Sunken Treasure - Man holding the treasure drowns.

Sarah Palin had sex with basketball player, snorted cocaine and cheated on husband, book claims “Yeah, so” Bill Clinton

Nicolas Cage awoken by naked man with FudgesicleActor was pissed off, claims he asked for a creamsicle.

Denver Men Accused of Taking Friend's Corpse on Boys' Night Out Who doesn’t enjoy a good stiff drink!

Texas execution halted amid Supreme Court review Entire State breathes a sigh of relief!

Palestinian leader will ask for full UN membership Israel votes yea for Palestine un-membership.

Japan noodle museum opens doors No more excuses, now I have just got to visit Japan!
Porn company builds porn bunker to ride out forecasted apocalypse (A Whoop-tee-doo will be awarded to the reader with the best sophomoric comment)

Saturday, September 17, 2011



(I need the home field advantage)

TV today is great.  With cable or satellite you can get over 300 channels not counting premium stations.  In the good old days we only had seven stations, and that was including PBS which had nothing but crap that only smart people could watch.

We had very little to choose from with seven stations, however you could flip through all seven in seconds.  Flipping through 300 stations takes forever which is why most systems have one channel which speed flips through multiple stations, or a system which allows you to watch one station while you flip through the whole spectrum of channels.  All of this works quite well at home where you know immediately where to find all your favorite channels.   When you are away TV can be incredibly frustrating.  When you are away, you lose the home field advantage.

When I Baby-sit for my grandchildren in Allentown, Pa., I lose the home field advantage.   My son’s cable system offers no station which flips through all channels.  There is no system to watch one show while you flip.  There is no rhyme or reason for the channel placement.  Even the big four, ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX are all over the dial (the dial is what we used to use to tune into a station.  Tuning is what you had to do when you found your station because stations did not always…..HELL GIYP if you really care.)
To add frustration on Matt’s TV system, there are decimal stations, almost all of which have no programming.  It takes about eight seconds to determine that the station is not used.   Channel 30 to 31 goes from 30.1, 30.2, 30.3 etc. until reaching channel 31.  It takes 1 minute and 20 seconds to find out that from 30-31 there are no shows!  This also goes for 40-41, 82-83, and 98-99.

The Station’s identifier will not show during commercials, so to identify a station often takes waiting 4-8 minutes for the show to begin.  If you pass a station that you are looking for during commercials it takes about 35 minutes to surf your way back.
Last night at nine o’clock I wanted to watch the finale of “Americas Got Talent” on NBC.  My son and daughter-in-law were asleep so I was on my own to find NBC.  Channel 10 was NBC.  Every time I surfed to channel 10 it was during commercial.  I would wait 4 minutes, get frustrated and begin to surf again.  I surfed all 300+ stations twice before I found that NBC was on channel 10.  I found three different channels that had CBS, two that had ABC four had FOX and two different channels had the History Channel.  The freaking HISTORY channel for crap sake but I couldn’t find NBC until after ten o’clock and the “AGT” finale was over.

I could have Googled the cable system and got an on-line listing of all the stations, but wait, my laptop does not connect to his wireless network; that’s another story.

I love TV, but I need the home field advantage.