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Friday, September 9, 2011

Excuse Me, Have You Seen My Balls?

Excuse Me, Have You Seen My Balls?

TV sit-coms and commercials are not a completely accurate reflection of life in our society today, but they do offer clues into the changing values and accepted behavior of our times.

Without the “Leave it to Beaver” reruns of the 60’s sitcom, my children would never believe I lived in the Cleaver Home.  They would not believe that their “Gammie” went to the beauty shop once a week for a “perm” otherwise known as hair that would not move for a week.  They would laugh at the idea that she vacuumed curtains wearing an evening dress and pearls.  They would scoff at the image of their “Gampop” Slicing the evening roast while wearing a suit and a bow-tie.

Archaeologists in the distant future will use these sit-coms and TV ads to put together the puzzle of today’s life much as they build dinosaurs from fossils.

Months ago I posted a blog titled “TV Emasculation.”   I was disturbed by an ad showing a husband who was chastised by his wife for looking for a Boston Cream-Pie in his refrigerator…..HIS REFRIGERATOR!

As disturbing as this ad was to me, it has been outdone in spades by this latest piece of our current life’s puzzle:

A middle age woman is trimming flowers in her own greenhouse.  Her meek husband peers in and informs her he just signed up for unlimited texting at Phones-R-Us.
Her reaction?  “Really, how much is that going to cost us and you didn’t even check with me?  My mother was right; I should have married John Clark!”

Mind you, she makes this emasculating comment ripping him for his inability to handle money and inferring that she could have married a better provider, from her own GREENHOUSE!  I don’t know about you, but I have never provided any of my wives with a greenhouse.  I do not know of anyone who has provided their wife with their own FREAKING GREENHOUSE!!

The husbands response should be, “It was FREE you spoiled rich bitch, as if I have to explain to you every FUCKING dollar I spend that I FUCKING earn.  I wish you had listened to your mother and married John Clark.  Then he would have to put up with your whiney ass.  By the way, John Clark is serving 5-10 for embezzlement!  Now get your lazy butt in the kitchen and order some takeout you spoiled brat!

That is not how the ad showed the response.  Instead the henpecked husband responds in a wimpy scared shit wavy voice, “It was free, I signed up with Phones-R-Us for free.” 

Five hundred years from today, archaeologists will stumble upon this ad and exclaim, “Look at this.  This is a big.  I think I have found when the men lost their BALLS!” 


  1. that was amazing joe :) i laughed the entire way through it

  2. Well written.

    However, my other half is not good with money so I understand her questioning things. Sometimes you just have to... The ad writers could have done better though.

    But then not all men deserve their balls, nor do all women deserve their chesticles either.

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  5. Unless she owns the greenhouse, and the brick-house, and everything else..?

  6. baaaahahahahaha, oh that was funnny. first real laugh of the day :) The fact she was in a greenhouse is suspicious enough.....I bet she's a pro-organic vegan with a penchant for lentils who hasn't eaten a proper meal in ages and is always therefore, in a shitty mood. Or is that just me?


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