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Thursday, September 29, 2011



I was recently at a friend’s bar-b-q.  I struck up a conversation with a gentleman who seemed to be a nice guy, and reasonably intelligent. Then the talk turned to the pending ten year anniversary of the 9-11 attacks.  This numb nuts suddenly offered up the opinion that the attacks were orchestrated by our own government under the instructions of President George Bush.
The dude was obviously looking for a heated argument on the subject.  Ordinarily I would have obliged.  This time, however, Mrs. Cranky gave me a look. 

“Really, the President ordered the attacks.  Why do you think he would have done that?”
“Are you kidding?  Did you see how his popularity rose after the attacks?”

“Hmmm” I hummed through clenched teeth, “Good point, I never thought of that.  Pass the mustard please.  You dumb fucking idiot!

I now choose to use this blog to say what I would have liked to have said, except that I know an argument was just what this bonehead wanted, and his position really did not even deserve a response.

I have to believe a sitting president could do many things to increase his popularity in the poles.  Knocking down and destroying the largest buildings in NYC, completely destroying a third building, causing mass destruction to several other downtown buildings, blowing up a portion of the pentagon and killing 3000 people seems like a pretty big risk to gain popularity.  I don’t see that big an upside, and if the plot was discovered the down side would be rather severe. 

So what was the plan?  The president and his cabinet get together and decide to trick some Muslim extremists into learning to fly, timing an attack, and then hijacking four planes and flying them into buildings.  The president could then get all presidential, promise to retaliate, and then start two wars.  This sounds like a foolproof plan to win popularity.  What could go wrong? 

I think the President could have pulled this off with no more than 300 people being in on the plot.  Many of those 300 people would be from unfriendly foreign countries and many of those people wouldn’t have had a pot to piss in.  What are the chances that any one of those people would drop a dime on the President’s plot?  Nixon could not cover up Watergate and only about ten people knew what was going on.

I might have pointed out that most people of this noodnick’s ilk think George Bush was our dumbest president ever, how could he mastermind such a devious plot to become popular? 

I am sure this dumb asshole at the Bar-b-q would have said that the evil genius Dick Chaney was behind the plot and all so that the administration would get reelected and his pals at Halliburton would prosper from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Forget the fact that Halliburton was doing quite nicely, and that Dick Chaney has more than enough money to last the 2 ½ years he probably has left given his bad heart. 

The other day I had to listen to the Iranian blowhard President Achmed Amawanablojob tell the world that the planes could not have dropped those buildings, they were loaded with explosives by the US government to incite the world against Muslims so that we could start wars in the Middle East. 

The planes flying into the buildings were just for show.  Hmmm…load the buildings with explosives, and then fly planes into them…that’s two plots to cover up.  No problem. 

If you want an excuse to start a war, obviously blowing up one building would not be enough, so we blew up four buildings and tried to take out the White House for good measure or were the passengers on flight 93 who took down the plane in Pennsylvania part of the plan.

Shit, Lyndon Johnson started the Viet Nam war when only one boat got attacked and slightly damaged in the Gulf of Tonkin, but the Bush administration was so freaking stupid they had to destroy four of the most important buildings in the country and kill 3000 people to start a war.

I guess if we can put a man on the moon, surely we could pull off this plot and everybody would just keep it a secret.

Oh wait….wasn’t that whole moon thing just faked?                 


  1. Someone, somewhere with every major event, always has to say it was a conspiracy. Why? I guess they just can't believe there are bad people in the world that aren't on 'our side' and working from within.

    All good points Cranky.

  2. Sorry Joe, I'm going to swear/curse/whatever you want to call it....You called this guy a 'dumb fucking idiot' - I believe the word you were looking for there was 'fucktard'

    That has to one of the worst conspiracy theories I have heard to date.

    As for the twin towers coming down with the planes alone - didn't that have something to do with the fact that the twin towers were built with an exo-skeleton as it were - so as the planes destroyed that there really wasn't much else to keep them up...I am led to believe, rightly or wrongly that the exo-skeletal design of the twin towers was really only meant to go to a max of 80 floors, so the fact they were were many more than that also lead to their being so vulnerable on that fateful day - either way, the idea that President Bush would orchestrate the whole thing in order to gain popularity has got to be the most insane thing ever!

    Lou :-)

  3. Love conspiracy theories! Haha! New follower from WOW.

  4. Genius post! One of my best friends from college has become one of "those people" who espouse this conspiracy theory and I can't stand to talk to him anymore. It's insane really. My respect for him has gone down to level zero at this point. So sad.

  5. I know people like that they can be such friggin assholes. Great post

  6. Really well written. I'm always surprised what complete strangers will offer up and how they naturally assume you feel the same way. Morons.

  7. You have more will power than me - at that BBQ - because I think I would have at least said, "What? Are you serious? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard"
    But you are right, that is probably just what the guy would have wanted. Some people just like to stir it up. You did the right waiting to do a post about it. Does that guy read your blog? I hope so!