CRANKY’S DISNEY CRUISE

After 3 days without internet, sitting in the airport I finally have access!

CRANKY’S DISNEY CRUISE

From Disney World to Disney Cruise, now it is The Cranky Old Man’s time to relax.  The Wanabee Princess and the Crankettes have left for their home so it is just Mrs. Cranky, the step-cranks and Elaine our friend/ tour guide.

We are sailing from Florida to Nassau Bahamas on the Disney Dream a large boat… ship… freaking HUGE OCEAN LINER.  It is a three day trip, and I am guessing by the third day I might be able to find the “grown-up pool” on the 11^th deck (that’s right, 11^th) and get back to my room on the 5^th deck without asking more than two people wearing mouse ears.

If I escape the three days gaining less than eight pounds it will be a miracle.  The food is that good and that plentiful.  However, so far I do have several complaints. 

This first one really makes me cranky.  Last night we went to a show.  It was entertaining, dancing Goofy and other characters and some singing and dancing by actually talented humans.  What made me cranky is I watched most of this performance through the 2x2 inch screens of all the cell phone cameras held up in front of my face taking pictures even though everyone was asked at the outset to “PLEASE REFRAIN FROM TAKING PICTURES OF THE PREFORMANCE!!!”  The little girl in front of me who kept waving a pennant also did not enhance my experience.  “Hey mom it’s ok, don’t bother to control your child, I realize she is just too special, she doesn’t need to learn any manners.  With any luck she will grow up just like you, so special she doesn’t need to listen to any rules and just keeps snapping those pictures you annoying self-centered obnoxious bitch. 

Otherwise I enjoyed the show.

Our cabin is small, but nicer than I expected.  Still I have some issues that make me cranky.  The TV takes eight seconds from pressing the power button to responding.  This is just long enough to cause you to power off before it comes on, thinking that you never powered on in the first place.  When you finally figure it out, there are only Disney special channels, and ESPN soccer (football) to watch.

The shower is small, but refreshing.  It only took ten minutes to figure how to get the water from spigot to shower head.  I won’t tell you how in case you ever get the chance to solve this puzzle yourself.  I will tell you the button on the handle works, but apparently it is there only to confuse old people as it does nothing. 

“Hey I’ve got a neat idea, let’s put a useless button on the handle and really play with old people’s heads!”

RT – If Dolly Parton entered a Disney Park would they say “Let the mammarys begin?” I know. I am sorry.  It’s the Tourette’s.

My final complaint is the lack of internet service.  It would be OK if they just said, “Hey it’s a cruise, and we have no internet, get over it!”  Instead they offer internet access for .50 a minute.  They don’t tell you that it takes 8 minutes to connect to a web site, and certain sites are blocked. (Google blogspot is too racy for a Disney family cruise?  Do you know that people are peeing and crapping on this boat?  Is that family oriented?  Disgusting!)  Finally I just get no connection to anything.  When I asked for the charge to be reversed they said they would look into it.  This is a skatie-eight billion dollar ship, and they are going to look into a $30 charge?  Just fucking reverse it for Christmas sake.  What?  Am I going to spend humpteen grand on a cruise so I can scam you out of a $30 rip off? 

Internet service should be free anyway, well not free, just bury the charge.  Charging for internet minutes is like charging for toilets by the flush.

It’s now 10 o’clock, time to go up top to the pool.  Hopefully I can find it before lunch.