HEADLINES 10-09-11

HEADLINES 10-09-11

It’s Sunday, time once again for The Cranky Old Man’s headlines and sophomoric comments.  Actually as my cousin Nils pointed out to me, “Sophomoric” is an upgrade from the real quality of my comments.  This weekly post is my least popular, but I don’t care, they are easy and they crack me up.  Then again, I might be a little sick.  Regardless, despite a lack of demand for more, here are this week’s Cranky headlines and my (less than) sophomoric comments:

 Rick Perry on defense over family hunting camp’s racist name- Candidate claims camp was actually changed from Niggerhead to Jiggaboo Rock years ago!

British Airways Offers Plane Crash Survival Class, but Only for Executive Club Members – At last, now you can fly with confidence!

Hairy, crazy ants invade from Texas to Miss. – Sane groomed ants stay in Texas.

Russian and US Scientists Gather to Hunt Down Yeti – They hope to have more success than they had at the recent snipe hunt. (Giyp)

US wife who killed, cooked husband seeks parole – Believe it or not she is currently held in Central California Women's Facility in Chowchilla.  I think all cannibals should be held in CHOWCHILLA!!

Circumcision Funding Cuts Hurt, Doctors Say – If you think the FUNDING CUTS hurt, try the CIRCUMCISION!

New Mexico Fraternity Finds Severed Goat Head on Porch – Fraternity President claims, “We’ve been looking all over for this head, how it ended up on the porch I’ll never know.  I’m just glad it’s back where it belongs.”

Missile defense system hits 2 targets over Hawaii – Third target continues on to destroy Las Angeles.  General claims 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.  Las Angeles disagrees!

Judge: Americans Don’t Have Right TO Drink Cow Milk – “After searching through the Constitution, including the Bill of Rights I find nothing about the right to drink cow milk.” Wa Wa Wa What?

Police: Man impersonating cop pulls over real cop – You would think the black and white car with a bubble gum machine on the roof would have tipped him off!

Could the Taj Mahal Collapse in 2 Years? – They just don’t build “Mahals” like they used to!  Donald Trump’s hair is slated to replace the Taj as the new “Seventh wonder of the world”.

Muslim woman removed from Southwest plane to sue – Ah…wait….was she removed from the plane so that she could sue?  Couldn’t she have just sued and then boarded the plane?  I’m confused.

New York City Performance Artist to Give Birth in Gallery Before Audience – Act I “Contraception” was a big success, Act II “Birth” follows a brief 9 month intermission.

Formerly Imprisoned Politician Explains Prison Sex – It’s kinda like regular sex except it’s in prison……..Oh and it’s with a big hairy guy named Bubba.

Pilot Ditches Small Plane in Pacific Ocean After Fuel Shortage – Pilot stated, “now I know when the needle hits “E” I’ve only got 35 minutes air time left.”

Hertz: Muslim workers failed to follow break rules - I'am confused, Did they fail to follow the rules or fail to break the rules?