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Saturday, April 17, 2021

Stupid Headlines 041821

 

Stupid Headlines 041821



This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.

 

Controversial lawn decoration ignites battle within neighborhood – Neighbor did not like a small statue of a frog, I’m going to take a wild guess that this neighbor does not actually have a life.

World’s longest bunny stolen from former Playboy model – The bunny is recognized by a cute little wiggly tail.  The missing rabbit is described as a really big rabbit.

Town taken over by large herd of goats – Tom brady, Michael Jordon, Tiger Woods and Wayne Gretsky all visit the same town?

California promotes 'dismantling racism in mathematics' – I know I am old, but this just does not add up for me.

San Diego Zoo worker bitten by venomous snake with no antivenom – Why would a venomous snake have antivenom?  In case they change their mine?

Woman duped into thinking she was engaged to Prince Harry – Apparently it was Prince Harry of Nigeria.

Brett Favre wants sports, politics to be separated – Because a filibuster in the huddle would just not work.

Kraft is giving away cheese-scented incense so fans can ‘breathe cheesy – Nothing like breathing “Who cut the cheese” scented incense.

Garden gnome shortage strikes due to pandemic - Fortunately I stocked up on garden gnomes before the pandemic hit.

7 useful tools for a quick and easy digital spring cleaning – No need to read if you don’t do windows.

Feel-Good Headline of the week

Reporter Goes To Shelter To Do A Story, Dog Hugs Him Tight Till He Adopts Her – I’m just a mush for a good dog story.

 



https://iheartdogs.com/rescue-dog-hugs-news-reporter-until-he-adopts-her/

 

 

Bonus Dog Story

Stray Dog Found Curled Up In Snow Keeping Orphaned Kittens Warm – Like I said…mush.



https://www.thedodo.com/close-to-home/stray-dog-found-curled-up-in-snow-keeping-orphaned-kittens-warm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, April 15, 2021

The trouble with Expert Advice

 

The trouble with Expert Advice



A good man, but sometimes...

 I was watching a show recently where a doctor was giving expert advice on dealing with Covid-19.   It was frightening.  I wondered,

“How much of this advice is scary because it is ‘cover your ass’ advice that the doctor is giving.”

In other words, is his advice slanted such that there is no way for him to be accused of not taking the virus serious, being ridiculed, or even taken to court?

Example:

Years ago pregnant women might be told that if they had a glass of wine a day it would be fine.  No one was encouraged to drink while pregnant, but in many doctors opinion moderation was reasonably safe.  Unfortunately, some women got plastered daily and when the baby had issues claimed the doctor said it was OK.  In order to protect themselves, a doctor now will not take any chances.  He will tell pregnant women absolutely no alcohol. 

I am not advising pregnant women to drink, just giving an example where medical advice is slanted to protect the doctor by not necessarily giving his actual  medical opinion.  Most people recognize when the doctors advice is as much to protect himself as to give accurate information and the result is a diminishing value towards a doctors advice.

While listening to the scary Covid expert (and yes I know Covid is serious and dangerous) I envisioned the same type of advice applied to crossing a street.

Moderator: “Tell me Dr. Doom, these days, is it safe to cross the street?”

Dr. Doom: “Well that depends on who is crossing the street.  Studies have shown that children under six should not cross the street without adult supervision.  Even with supervision, parents should be sure to look both ways for cars before crossing, and if they see a car they should wait.  There have been cases of adults crossing the street with children who have been hit by a car and it is very dangerous…it has even caused DEATH!”

Moderator: “Is there anything we can do to stay safe while crossing?”

Dr. Doom: “Along with the suggestion to always look both ways, people should wear bright clothes and at night have reflector tape.  You should only cross at an intersection, preferably one with a traffic light.  Only cross at the green light.  Make sure the green light is facing you, not ongoing traffic.  Also, while walking, always stay on the sidewalk until you need to cross.”

Moderator: “So, if you follow all these rules crossing the street is safe?”

Dr. Doom: “Safe is relative.  There have been instances of a driver losing control or running a light and pedestrians who have followed all the rules still being run over.”

Moderator: “You mean even wearing light clothes with reflector tape, looking both ways and crossing at the green can be dangerous?”

Dr. Doom: “Certainly.  You are dealing with 3000 pounds of metal traveling sometimes 70 miles an hour.  It is very dangerous.

Moderator: “What else should people do?”

Dr. Doom: “Well, if you absolutely HAVE to cross a street, in addition to wearing the correct clothes, looking both ways and waiting for the green light, you should walk fast, do not dawdle, pay attention while crossing, but and I can not stress this strongly enough, crossing the street is NEVER 100% safe.  Anything can happen.  You could slip and fall, there could be driver error, some people freeze, dogs sometimes attack…there are a number of things that can go wrong.  My advice is ‘If you do not have to cross the street, don’t!’”

Moderator: “Great advice! Thank you Dr. Doom.  

There it is folks, stay at home, it is too dangerous out there! 

Coming up after words from our sponsor, a home economic advisor tells us if it is safe to put away knives from the dishwasher.”

 

OK, OK, I get it.  Wear a mask, actually wear two masks, stay six feet from others, wash you hands often and scrub for at least 30 seconds, get tested often, get the vaccine, but then still do all of the above.  Finally, wait until experts say you can leave the house.

   

There is an instructional on street crossing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jCpBH5zehI 

 

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Happy Blogaversary To Me!

 AND THE PASSWORD IS…


I have no opinion for this week's Cranky Opinion Friday. 
Instead I offer this re-run, my very first post of almost 3000 posts, on this my 
10th cranky Blogaversary 
When I was working for a major Wall Street firm I must have used at least 15 applications which required a password for access.  I would have liked to have used only one password, but that was not possible.  You would think that a company would establish one set of rules for choosing a password.  You would think wrong. 
One application required a 3-5 alpha character password; one required a 7-10 alpha character password.  Some applications required at least one uppercase character, and some required at least one numeric.  Most applications required the password be changed every month.
I used at least seven different passwords.  For those applications which were not used every day, violating the password was a given.  Unless I guessed correctly it would be three tries and you are out.  I wonder how many hours of productivity per day are wasted by employees trying to have their passwords reset.
We were always warned that choosing a password was important.  Do not pick something obvious like your birthday.  Don’t use your initials.  Don’t use the names of your wife or kids or pet or your parents or your grandparents.  Do not use any name or number that anyone could tie to you as that would be too easy for a scammer to figure out and get unauthorized access to an application.   Essentially the rule was to never choose a password that you might actually remember.
Since I could not remember the seven to ten different passwords I was required to use, all of which I was required to change monthly, the obvious solution was to record all my passwords and the associated applications on a piece of paper and leave it under my keyboard.  This also was frowned upon.
“Do not leave your list of passwords where they may be easily found!” 
OK, I cannot use passwords which I can easily remember, and when I write them down so I can remember them, I need to put the cheat-sheet in a not obvious place.  In effect, hide the list of passwords which you cannot remember in a place that you will also not remember.
I developed a secret code based on numbers and the alphabet.  Using this code, I recorded the hiding place that I could not remember which held the passwords for all the applications which I could not remember and placed it under the keyboard.  I recorded the key to the code which told me where I hid the passwords that I could not remember and hid it somewhere no one would ever suspect.  I recorder this location on a piece of paper and taped it blank side up to my keyboard.  On the blank side I wrote K2PWLcLiUtP (Key to password location code location is under this paper.)
Weeks later I was fired!  At night, my computer was broken into and an application accessed which enabled the hacker to steal sensitive information which cost the firm several million dollars.  I was fired for breaking the rules of password security.  I forgot that the password for this sensitive application was K2PWLcLiUtP.
Shit!

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

SMOKE DETECTOR RANT…again

 

SMOKE DETECTOR RANT…again




 I hate smoke detectors!  I know, they save lives, so yes I have smoke detectors and CO2 detectors in my home.  Does that mean I have to like them? No, it does not.

All our devices are hard wired, so once installed we are good to go…right?  Wrong!  Because a fire might actually kill the hard wired connection, all detectors also need a back-up battery.

Because the back-up battery will go bad, the detector warns you when it needs to be changed.  It warns you with a short, loud chirp.  Apparently it has been designed to emit that short loud chirp at 2:17 AM.

So every once and a while I get an elbow to my sound asleep ribs at 2:17 AM.

“I’ll get it in the morning!”

“Fix it now, I need to sleep!”

Before I go any further, I know there those that say just remember to change the batteries every time you change the clocks for Daylight Savings Time (possibly the only reason to even have a Daylight Savings Time).  These are people who don’t mind paying $20 twice a year while the batteries actually last much longer than that.  They are also people who get up early, go to bed early, have organized desks and get their teeth cleaned twice a year. 

I will not change the batteries until they chirp.  Above mentioned people will not understand that…just accept it.

Anyway, back to the chirp.

The 2:17AM chirp is always so loud and so short that it is  impossible to tell which battery needs changing.  You have to change them one at a time and wait for the chirp to stop.

Unfortunately, believe it or not, even when unplugged, and with the battery removed, the damn thing will keep chirping at several minute intervals for about ten minutes. 

I went through this exercise just last week.  The chirp did not stop and it was still impossible to tell if I got the correct detector.   I put a pillow over the device and when the nextchirp did not emit from the muffled device I decided “F*ck” it I would just change all the devices.

Changing the devices is no easy chore.  If you did it all the time it might be, but when done infrequently…let’s just say it is a pain in the backside.  While ripping down one device (we have an overkill of 6, 2 per floor) I broke a plastic attachment thing and now had to either replace it or hold it up with duct tape.  Mrs. C did not think the duct tape would be a good look.



So now at about 3:27 AM I had replaced the batteries in all the devices and the chirping stopped.  I still had to replace the hanging from the ceiling detector the next day (technically the same day).

The new detector came with a battery, but it needed to be taken out and a piece of plastic removed to activate it.  Easy-peasy…at least easy in all the other detectors. 

This one required a tiny pin to be removed from the back to allow the battery to come out.  The pin was covered in paper that matched the back of the device.  It was not easy to find and remove the paper to get to the pin which made activating the battery possible.  Once found and removed the pin was still hard to spot and once spotted difficult to grab and pull out.

After at least 25 minutes I (actually we ) finally removed the pin.  Five minutes later, the smoke detector was rewired and installed.  Mrs. C asked,

“Should we put the pin back in.”

“Sure, so then the next time at 2:17 AM the battery needs to be changed I can really lose my mind.”

“Yeah, I guess you are right, though if someone breaks in he could steal the battery because it is not protected by the useless pin.”

“That is just a risk we will have to take.”

Did I mention I hate smoke detectors?

 


 [jh1]

Monday, April 12, 2021

We Need New Words

 We Need New Words


I am super tired so, this post is actually a re-run.  
You are not required to read it again, but there will be a quiz.

Communicating these days is difficult.  How do we describe anything adequately today?  Remember when things used to be “very” or “extra?”  If a meal was good you could say that was good, or if it was better than just good it was very good or extra good, if a meal was pretty much the best meal you have ever had in your life you could say it was fabulous!

These days everything is super good.  Very and extra are now meaningless, which makes “super” meaningless, and fabulous is just confusing.  Is fabulous better than super?  Super used to be as high as it gets.  DC comics did not create “Verygoodman,” or “Extragoodman” or “Fabulousman” it created “SUPERman!”

"Super" has been so watered down, I wonder if Clark Kent could still bend steel with his bare hands or leap tall buildings in a single bound…he is Superman, but Hell, everything these days is super.

“I’m SUPER tired.”

“She is SUPER smart.”

“That car is SUPER expensive.”

The word has been diluted.  It is now meaningless.  Sure, you can say something is very SUPER, or extra SUPER, or SUPER fabulous, but it does not work.  Once you throw in that “super” adjective you know that what ever follows could very well only be ordinary.

We used to use “Literally” as a superlative.  “He is literally bigger than a bus!” Now we know that literally means not figuratively, so when used in this way it is clearly just a sarcastic way to say “He is huge!” It used to work!

Today, people use “literally” willy-nilly to indicate a superlative to virtually anything. 

“He is literally six feet tall.”   What the HELL?  Why not just say “He is six foot tall?” “Literally” as a sarcastic superlative has been ruined.

We used to say “actually” to confirm that what follows is true even though you might think it is an exaggeration.

“I actually shot par on eight holes last week.” Hard to believe, but yes, I actually did. (Not actually-actually, this is just in way of an example.)

Now people say actually to virtually every question.

“What do you do for a living?”

“Actually, I am a teacher.” As if, what; being a teacher is so difficult to believe?  

To me that means, “Hard to believe because I am so clearly uneducated, but Actually, I am a teacher.”

Today, “Actually” actually means nothing.

So many words today have been ruined.  Why is everything “Awesome?”  Is “awesome” better than “super?” Can something be “super awesome?”

Why is every event “Epic?” Epic used to describe an adventure that is heroic or legendry.  How the heck is a night out drinking “heroic” or “legendary?” Thanks to the “How I Married Your Mom” TV show, even “legendry” is ruined.

If something is “Actually” Awesome” or an event is “Literally” “Epic,” how do we communicate that today?

While I am at it, why does the start to an answer to any question today start with “So.”

“Can you tell me where the bus stop is?”

So, you go two blocks up and turn left one block.”

SO! Why SO?

I’m done, this post is literally too long and I am actually tired of writing. So, I am going to just stop.

I hope you like this post.  I am TERRIFIED that you will not.

Saturday, April 10, 2021

Stupid Headlines 041121

 

Stupid Headlines 041121



This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.

 

 

Biden leans close to tell someone to socially distance – Classic do as I say, not as I do!

 

Friend of Pakistani immigrant Uber Eats driver killed in DC: 'All lives are precious' – I don’t ordinarily post and comment on stories like this, but sometimes a headline really demands punctuation.

 

Miami homeowner gets sister, companion evicted from front porch after they squatted for 2 years – I’m surprised they could move at all; I need help to get up after squatting only a few minutes.

 

Katy Perry reveals she's stopped shaving her legs since becoming a mom – I guess that is one form of birth control.

 

Japan just recorded its earliest cherry blossom bloom in 1,200 years – I’m pretty sure there was an earlier bloom April 1247.

 

Rare Super Mario Bros. game sells for a record $660,000 – Wait until this donkey tries to find a Nintendo platform that can still play the damn game.

 

Unseen Vincent van Gogh painting of Paris sells for $15.4M – Hell, for that money you could buy 23 Super Mario Bros. games!

 

New York lowers bear and deer hunting age to 12 – I am surprised that deer or bear live that long.

 

Massachusetts home where Lizzie Borden's parents were killed finds buyer – The buyer put down four-hundred thousand forty- four and on closing paid four-hundred thousand more.

 

A Michigan university is offering college students a scholarship to study cannabis – Good luck weeding out the weed candidates;  or they could just survey 93% of their student body.

 

 

 

FEEL GOOD STORY

Teen on spring break trip rescues toddler from drowning – The thirteen-year-old girl on vacation with her family saved a tragedy.

https://www.wfla.com/news/teen-on-spring-break-trip-to-disney-world-rescues-toddler-from-drowning/

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, April 8, 2021

I Am Sorry

 

I Am Sorry

A cranky opinion by way of an apology for

Cranky Opinion Friday

 

I am sorry. 

I did not mean what I said.  I spoke too quickly and without thinking.  I now realize that words have consequences and I probably hurt many people very deeply.  It was the furthest thing from my intent.  It is not who I am. 

I am sorry.

I need to take some time off to reflect on my words and to understand that I have faults and I have not been properly educated on the seriousness of the situation.  I plan to enroll in courses that will enlighten me.  I need to be retaught.  I need to learn to think more correctly and to be more aware and sensitive to the feelings of others.

I believe much of the fault lies in my earliest years.  I learned to read from Dr. Seuss. I grew up loving trees and music and animals.  I was taught old math.  I learned to write first in longhand, then script and finally in cursive which has led to my confusion.  I grew up without Sesame Street.  Instead, I watched a puppet who had an animal skin wearing sidekick and featured a fake Native American Princess.  In my world as a young impressionable child, doctors, judges and politicians were all men…white men.  Women were nurturers.  They were nurses, elementary school teachers, secretaries and moms.

In school I was forced to affirm my love for this country…every day.  Some years I was even forced to read from the bible in school.  I was taught that George Washington was a great man, Abe Lincoln was honest, Jefferson was fair and Franklin was wise. I was instructed to believe that our country was great, it was special, the Constitution was special and Capitalism was good.  I did learn that the country was not perfect; slavery was very bad, and we forced our ways on Native Americans and usurped their land claims. I knew that some people needed help through no fault of their own, but there was little emphasis on governments responsibility to provide that help.

I grew up believing that if you were born a boy, you became a man.  If you were born a girl, you became a woman.  I did not know there was a choice.  There were no gay people, only confirmed bachelors and spinsters; no one told me about closets.  Doctors said that smoking was good for you, alcohol was encouraged, gambling was illegal and marijuana made you insane.

None of this is a valid excuse.  I should know better.  I am not a good person.  I will try and be better.


Please accept this preemptive apology for any offense you may feel I have committed, or I undoubtedly will eventually commit.

I should know better.


 [O1]

Wednesday, April 7, 2021

Oops Wrong Name

 

Oops Wrong Name

 

OK, I’m stealing another story.  Seems like I’ve run out of my own.  This one is from fraternity brother Wally, not his real name, but Wally, due to his uncanny resemblance to Wally Cox (GIYP), and his same unassuming dry sense of humor and demeanor.



First a little ground work.

There was a young lady that dated several members of our fraternity house.  She was attractive and nice and she was friendly.  She developed a reputation for being very friendly.  Before your mind starts running, I have no idea how friendly.  In those days friendly did not always mean what it might mean today.  It sometimes just meant not unfriendly.  Anyway, enough of my kerfrumphing around an issue, this young lady was friendly. 

So friendly that her nick name around the Frat was ‘Sandy Free-and-Easy.’ 

Yes, college Frat boys were pigs.

Once again this was in the 60’s.  Easy did not necessarily mean what it means today.  Still, she dated more than a few of the brothers and for whatever reason she was known as ‘Sandy Free-and-Easy.’  She ended up marrying one of the brothers, though apparently that did not end well.

Anyway.

Into the picture comes Wally.  Wally was not aware of Sandy’s reputation, but he did know that her name was Sandy Free-and-Easy.  I don’t think that many people knew Sandy’s real last name.  Wally thought that Sandy’s real name was Free-and-Easy.  Only he assumed she was Italian and that her last name was Frieneze.

One college party weekend Wally entered the Frat house with his date, who years later became Mrs. Wally, and they ran into Sandy and her date, who years later became Mr. Free-and-Easy.

And so a classic introduction told only as Wally could tell it.

 

“I Ran into Ralph and Sandy as I came into the house.  I said,

‘Ralph this is my date Donna and Donna, this is Ralph’s date Sandy Frieneze’. 

I took a sharp kick to my shin along with a glare from Ralph. ‘What?’ I asked.

‘Sandy’s name is Walters!’

‘But I always heard Frieneze.’  This followed by another kick to the shin. 

‘No, her name is Walters!’ 

Sandy then asked, ‘Where did you get the idea my name was Frieneze?’

Between two shin kicks and a glare it struck me that Sandy was not Italian and that perhaps she was in fact free and easy.  

‘Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, I confused you with Sally Frieneze who Ralph once dated last year.’

Fortunately, Sandy though a very nice girl may not have been Dean’s list material.

‘No, that is not me, do I even look Italian?’

I avoided Ralph and Sandy for the rest of the semester."


Well, that’s my stolen story, a fraternity reunion classic.  You may not think it is that funny; but it is a riot when told by a Mr. Peepers doppelganger.

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Listen To The Mocking Voice

 

 

Listen To The Mocking Voice



Mrs. C has a mocking voice.  You know, that high pitched adolescent way of repeating what you say in a way that makes it sound trivial, whiney or petulant.  A mocking voice.  She has been using it a lot lately.

“Could you turn the volume up, I can barely hear the movie?”

“Could you turn the volume up, I can barely hear the movie?”

“Stop that!”

“Stop what?”

“Stop that mocking voice.”

“Stop that mocking voice.”

“Again! Stop that”

“Why”

“I don’t like it…I hate the mocking voice!”

“I hate the mocking voice!”

“Just stop it.”

“I like the mocking voice.”

“I like the mocking voice.”

“You can’t use the mocking voice because it doesn’t bother me.  I own the mocking voice!”

“How do you own a voice?”

“I just do.”

“That’s not fair!”

“That’s not fair.”

“You know I hate you don’t you?”

“No, you don’t!”

“Well, I hate the mocking voice!”

“Well, I hate the mocking voice!”

“STOP THAT!”

“Ok, but just for tonight…tomorrow you shall be mocked again.”

 

Is anyone else tormented by ‘The Mocking Voice?’


Based on previous comments it seems people completely do not understand the playful mocking voice game of a wife who is not really being mean.

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

             

Monday, April 5, 2021

Thought for the Day (Just in case)

 

Thought for the Day (Just in case)



 

As more and more people get vaccinated, Covid numbers are not yet falling.  In some states new cases are slightly rising once again.  Scientists are saying this is because the virus is mutating and the mutations are even more transmissible.  The virulence of the new mutations is not yet determined, but the fear is the new mutations may be even more deadly.

I am not an epidemiologist and I do not even play one on TV, but I would think that new mutations would be less virulent, not more.

Why you ask?

Any virus should follow the Darwin evolutionary principle of survival of the fittest.  What makes a virus fit…or what makes a virus best able to evolve into a successful virus?  Is a virus successful if it kills its host?  I don’t think so.  The longer a host survives the longer the virus survives and is able to infect other hosts.

Let's look at a virus like any organism and its evolution.  The evolutionary cycle of a virus would be a fast-moving evolution.  All organisms mutate.  A mutation that makes survival more difficult does not thrive.  A mutation that  gives an organism a survival advantage will thrive and slowly replace the current variety.

A mutated virus that is less transmissible would not replace the current virus; it will fade away.  A virus that kills its host quickly would have less chance to infect other hosts and thus would spread slower and not survive robustly.  

Thus, this cranky non-scientist believes that the Covid virus will mutate.  It will mutate until the vaccine corals us into heard immunity.  The new mutations will thrive, but they should be less virulent, because that would be their competitive advantage for survival. 

Experts will not tell us this.  They always want to err on the side of caution.  So, experts and politicians will still fear new mutations and will want us to fear them as well.

I say do not fear the new mutations.  If you are vaccinated you are safe.  Safe to not wear a mask, safe to not social distance, safe to live your life like you used to.

On the other hand, I am an idiot.  Maybe you should continue to be careful just in case.  I know I will…you know, just in case.

I am not really afraid of the new mutations.  

I am not afraid of sharks either but I don’t swim with dead fish around my waist either.  You know…just in case.  

 

THE REVERAND AND THE LAWNMOWER

                                  THE REVERAND AND THE LAWNMOWER

 

                                                  From "Maybe It's Just Me!"
                         I had to steal this story from my first book, I am reminded of it every Easter.

 
I seldom went to church after I had entered high school. The exception was Easter Sunday.  Mom loved the Easter Sunday Sunrise service.  She would have us all up and dressed by 4:30 AM Easter Sunday, to catch the 5:00 AM Sunrise service.  The most unusual service I can ever remember was Sunrise service in Easton Md. 1978.

It was a beautiful crisp Sunday morning, sunrise over an Eastern Shore creek, with a crab fisherman working his lines from a traditional Eastern Shore crab boat in the background.  Insufficiently dressed for the cold as usual, the entire Hagy clan shivered and shifted from foot to foot as we waited for the service to start.

This traditional service combined three Easton, MD. religious factions every year. Each year the sermon was given by a different denomination of Christianity. There was a Catholic Priest, an Episcopal Minister, and a Baptist Reverend from the mostly black church.

This year the sermon was delivered by the Episcopal Minister. The Priest offered a prayer, the Baptist read a scripture and the Episcopal Minister rose to give the Easter sermon. The priest sat on his left, the Baptist, ready to punctuate the sermon in the way common to the Black Baptist tradition, part dance, part religious rap, to his right; the Minister began his sermon.

“Friends, several years ago my lawn mower would not start”

“Wouldn’t start”

“My wife informed me there was a repair shop 20 miles away in St. Michaels.”

“Praise the Saint”

At this point Marybeth, seven at the time, yanked on my coat horrified that the Baptist was rude and was being disrespectful of the service.  She was not familiar with the Baptist point man tradition.  I had to quietly assure her that “Praise God’s” were quite all right.

“It was noon Saturday and the shop closed at one. If I wanted it fixed, I needed to leave right away.”

 “Tell it Rev“

“As I prepared to load the mower in my trunk, I was distracted by my daughter.”

“Praise the children”

“I then got into the car and was off to the repair shop.”

“Tell it”

“Half way to the shop, I realized that because of the distraction”

“Distracted”

“I might not have loaded the mower in the car.”

“Tell it Rev”

“Now I could not stop and go back home to see if I loaded the mower, because I would not have time before the shop closed”

Tell it….rev?”

I knew by the Baptist Minister missing a beat, that he was thinking what we all were thinking, “Dude, stop the car and check the trunk”.  But the sermon went on.

“Should I go back and miss closing time, or continue on, having faith that the mower was in the trunk?”

“Faith, praise GOD”

'Pull over and check the trunk, I thought with everyone else.'

“I decided to continue on my way, with faith that the mower would be in the trunk.”

“Praise God”

“When I arrived at the shop and checked the trunk my faith was rewarded.”

“Praise God”

“The mower was in the trunk all along.”

 “Tell it, Tell it”

“And so friends it is this same faith that brings us here today on this blessed Easter Sunday………….”

On the way home, after the service my brother Chris commented, “Well I guess someone had to give the worst Easter sermon ever.”

“Praise God”
 

Note: For anyone who does not believe this story, three years later our family stood in frozen sunrise astonishment as this same minister delivered the exact same sermon.  This time the Baptist did not miss a beat.  Not even I would make that up.