WHY I SELDOM BLOG

 

WHY I SELDOM BLOG

I used to post every day.  I posted stories from my past.  I posted opinions.  I posted about everyday happenings around the Cranky home.

I have run out of stories from my past.  Opinions no longer promote thought and discussion; they promote judgement and anger.  Happenings around the Cranky home have already been well documented. (And often treated as if I was looking for solutions to a problem…apparently, I suck at sarcasm.)

I have also noticed a significant difference in reader reactions to my posts and in general any media articles or news items.

I sometimes go back and read old posts from 2012 to around 2017.  Posts that many, if I do say so myself, are dang funny and occasionally almost inciteful.

Comments typically used to be, “Funny Cranky” or “LOL” or “ROFLMAO” or “I know you are joking, but much of this is spot on” or “Your wife is a hoot” or “I totally disagree, but still had to laugh at some of this crap.”

Comments today would be,

“I think you meant insightful, not inciteful, unless you wanted to start a riot!”

I read an article today about 6-year-old twins, and their reaction to a present of clothes and not toys.  I expected comments on the parenting style to what I thought was a bratty child reaction.  Instead, at least 40% of the comments were on the authors apparent grammatical flaw of referring to the Twins as a “Pair of twins.” I did not even notice this flaw as I am apparently also grammatically challenged.

For instance, I still refer to pants as a pair of pants, not a pair of pant.  Or glasses as a pair of glasses, or pliers as a pair of pliers, or even scissors as a pair of scissors. (Plus, it just took me four tries to spell scissors correctly).

I should not even be allowed to post!

I think I may have just slid slightly off topic.

Point is, it seems to me that these days people do not read anything to learn, discuss, laugh, or cry. Instead, there is a tendency to be insulted, indignant or judgmental. 

People are angry. 

In our current nationwide effort to be inclusive of different people, cultures, and ideas, we have become compartmentalized finger pointing virtue signalers.

This is of course a giant generalization, but the point is it is a clear direction that we are moving towards, and I do not like the direction one bit.

 

She Needs A Deerstalker Hat and A Meerschaum Pipe I Tell Ya!

 

She Needs A Deerstalker Hat and A Meerschaum Pipe I Tell Ya!

 

Mrs. C once again has demonstrated her Sherlockian talent of clue spotting.

Today while she was at work, I had to fill out an on-line form for an oral Surgery appointment… (Bad tooth, no biggie.) The site to fill out the form was sent to my phone, so I had to fill it out on my phone.  (Yes I probably could have forwarded it to my computer except I can’t).  Anyway

One of the questions was for the phone number of my emergency contact…Mrs. C of course.  Problem was, her number is on my contact list which is on my phone which I was using to fill out the form.  (No I don’t know her actual number, I call her by telling the phone to “Call Karen, Mobile!")

OK, that’s it, no more explanation’s in parenthesis.  

So, in order to find the number, I thought maybe it would be on our landline phone.  (Well, it used to be on the phone…ok now that is the last one.)  I picked up the phone and looked.  Apparently they don't put it on the receiver anymore.

I had to dig out the number from a list in my wallet.

Later this night, Mrs. C comes to bed and glances at the phone.

“Did you use the phone today?”

“WHAT?”

“Did you use the phone today?”

“Why?”

“Because the cord was moved.”

“Holy crap!  I picked it up to look for our number which is not there to fill out a dental form.  How does the cord get moved more than an iota or two from that?”

“Apparently it does, because I could tell.”

“So, I guess if I came home with lipstick on my collar you would spot it.”

“Yes, but I might not care!”

That’s Mrs. C.  She does not miss a trick and also can put me in my place without skipping a beat.

At least she didn’t call me a JERK! 

(She has been known to call me that from time to time)

(Oops, I forgot)

(Maybe I am a Jerk!)

 

MY CAR IS POSSESSED

 

MY CAR IS POSSESSED

My 2017 Honda HRV (Harvey) is possessed!  Not repossessed, it is paid for, but possessed by some unknown force.

How is it possessed?  I have no idea.  I am the only owner, so it is not as if some previous Nere-do-well left it with some bad karma, or someone died a horrible death and the soul has not left Harvey. 

But possessed it is.

How?

Last month I left for a 4-mile drive to out local recycle center, Fort Grumpy.  (Yes, Mrs. C thinks I should get a job there too) I recycle once a week, carefully separating glass, plastic and cans, cardboard boxes, and paper into separate containers.  I’m pretty sure all this stuff ends up in the same land fill (several engineering experts in the field have confirmed this) but I still feel like I am doing something good for the environment once a week.

On the way to Ft. G. I pulled out my driver’s license and stuck it up under my sun visor.  

Our Ft. G. Grumps demand proof of residency to drop off recyclables, they are very thorough in ensuring some non-town resident cannot drop their stuff off on our center, so proof of residency is demanded.  I put it in my visor ahead of time to be “soup-nazi” prepared for the Grumps…they will yell!

Half way to the center I glanced up at my visor and the license was not there. 

What the Hell!

I pulled over and looked on the floor, the seats and even under the front seats.  Nothing!  How does a plastic license slip out of the visor and disappear without my even noticing?

I looked all over and nothing.  I drove back home for a more thorough search.  After tearing everything in the front seat apart without finding the license I turned to the back…as if a piece of plastic could slip out of a visor, fly out over the front seat and land on the floor in the back without my noticing a thing.

I found it on the floor almost under the back seat and slightly buried under assorted trash.  Impossible, and yet there it was.

Still hard to find...partially buried

Today I left for Fort Grumpy and once again stuck my ID firmly in the visor.  Once again half way to the center I looked up at the visor and …WTF!  Gone.

I Pulled over to check quickly and once again nothing.  I Drove home and checked all through the front driver and passenger side and again nothing.  I checked the back seats and there was the license.  Directly behind me.

So, without any moving of the visor, without hitting any bumps, the license somehow flew out of the visor, over my shoulder, and landed  behind the driver seat and I did not feel or see a thing.

The car is possessed I tell you!

 

Random Observations

 

Random Observations

 

Shopping with Mrs. Cranky after a painful visit with our tax accountant and I made several random observations.

ONE:

We bought a bathtub mat and some Gorilla Glue at Lowes.  We paid via self-check-out.  I hate self-check-out.  I understand at the supermarket when all 4 to 6 check-outs are busy, but…

At Lowes on a week day at 11:30 the whole giant store had about 5 shoppers.  At the self-check-out there was only Mrs. C and myself, and a Lowes employee to make sure we didn’t steal anything.  Of course, as it always seems to me, we also had to ask said Lowes employee a question about the process. 

It was nice she was there to assist, but when it is so slow, why not just have a cash register for the employee to do an old fashion check out instead of standing there watching?

TWO:

Later we passed a green gas station, “Fuel 4.”

“What the hell is a Fuel 4 gas station?”

“Why, who cares?”

“Just is that a national brand? Is it individually owned? Whose gas is it?  I mean all the big oil stations advertise their gas is the best.  Does Fuel 4 have special cleaning stuff, what is the octane, where does it come from?”

“What do you care, you don’t know the difference anyway?”

“I don’t know, it is just weird, I never heard of “Fuel 4.”

“You’re weird…and a jerk.

THREE:

Here is an observation, why are parking lot spaces so important?  Mrs. C made about three laps around the lot looking for the closest space.

“What the hell, just pick a space, you’ve passed up three spaces already!”

“It’s windy, I want to get closer.”

“You have got to be kidding…windy? Have you seen the price of gas? Time is money, gas is money, pick a damn space!”

“Just shutty! Jerk.”

FOUR:

In the supermarket some people still are wearing a face mask…well two people.  I don’t think those things ever worked for Covid, but I wore them so as to not be accused of killing Grandma.  Maybe those two were on chemo or had a reason to be extra careful, no skin off my teeth.  However, one person still did not have the mask over their nose!  Might as well tattoo “I am really stupid” across your forehead!

FIVE:

Also, this had me remembering, as my final random observation, when the supermarkets had arrows in the lanes directing only one way shopping.  At the time I thought that was stupid and said so.  I was severely chastised for that opinion and told that the arrows assured the 6-foot Covid rule.  Seemed to me that  pushing through floating Covid death breath from behind someone would be not less dangerous than crossing through it in a two-way traffic lane.  I let it go back during the Covid scare.  One-way two-way…stupid but what could it hurt.

I will now, several years later, finally get it out of my system,

Those one-way supermarket shopping lanes were really freaking STUPID!!  (Boy that felt good.)

That’s all the observations I’ve got for now.  I think I’d best just listen to Mrs. C and Shutty.

 

 

MRS. C OUTDOES HERSELF

 

MRS. C OUTDOES HERSELF

Happy Valentines Day, or as some call it, Hallmark Holiday Scam Day.

Today, Mrs. C out did herself.  Generally, for any card giving occasion, Mrs. C gets me two cards.  One is comical, the other mushy.  Today she outdid herself and I got two comicals and a mushy.

This is totally unnecessary.  

Given my relationship history, a simple posted note saying, “I don’t expect to be leaving you in the immediate future!” would make my day.

Instead, she spent $21 on cards (Used to be $3.99 a card, but I made the mistake of checking the current price on the back of the cards… yikes!) instead of said sticky note.

I mean it’s her money so…

In addition to the cards, she also managed to find a copy of the High School English writing book that I recently found out was using a Cranky Old Man blog as a homework assignment.  It must have taken an extra effort to find a used copy as it is not available new.

Very cool; thanks Mrs. C. 

                                                     The Book

The Blog

                                                                The Homework assignment

                                                                                 

As someone who hated homework assignments I am delighted to have become one.

In exchange, I got Mrs. C ONE mushy card, and a box of candy. 

I got a Russell Stover assortment.  I once got her a Whitman's Sampler and found out the Whitman's was a trigger from a past bad Valentines Day.  I have been instructed to always get Russell Stover (RS for right stuff) and not Whitman's Sampler (WS for wrong stuff).  RS/WS, Mrs. C’s instructions insure even I get it correct.

We also have reservations to a Fancy Smancy restaurant tonight, that should at least equal extra two cards if not the thoughtful book.

Happy Valentines Day Mrs. C. and thanks for not planning to leave me in the near future! (As far as I know anyway.)

 

CONTACT - Seance with the famous

 

CONTACT - Seance with the famous

 

CONTACT

This is a post from 2011, perhaps read by 7 people.  I still think it is funny, although in these days of people seeking to be offended, it might be inappropriate.

But then I’m old and I don’t care.

 

I recently attended a séance with a local psychic.  I was skeptical at the start, but it must have been real, no one could have made this stuff up.  This psychic specialized in contacting famous people.  She talked to several icons, here is a sample:

 “George Washington, is that you George?”

“Yes it’s me, would I lie?”

“George, why did you chop down that tree?”

“Actually my old man did it, Mom was pissed.  He gave me a buck and I took the rap for him.”

“What?  So you lied?”

“Whatever.”

 

 “Damn, hey, it’s Steve Irwin.  He’s mumbling, I’m not sure what he is saying, what’s that Steve, speak up.”

“A sting ray? Crikey, a fucking sting ray?”

 

“FDR, FDR over here.  Any words for the living?”

“Yes! Jonas, what took you so freaking long?”*

 

“Wow, I have Abe Lincoln, any questions for the Abe?”

“Ask him did he have any regrets.”

“Abe, any regrets?”

“Yes, I think I should have just said 87 years.  That and honestly, I should have skipped the show.”

 

“Marco Polo, is it you?”

“Yes it’s me.  Damn I explored Asia for 24 years, practically invented the modern map, and what am I famous for?  That annoying flipping kids swimming pool game!”

 

“JFK! Mr. President is there anything the USA could have done for you?”

“Don’t ask!”

“What is JFK junior so angry about?”

“Oh, he’s pissed at Sinatra.  Every time he sees him, Sinatra starts singing ‘Come Fly with Me’

 Frank; Frank it’s not that funny!”

“Oh my Lord, it’s Jesus Christ! Jesus, Jesus, are you planning a comeback?”

“Yes, and this time things will be different.  Warn everyone, when I come back don’t cross me!”

 

*(The vaccine guy…took me a while, and I wrote it.)

 

 

QR CODES

 

QR CODES

 

Does anyone out there over the age of 50 know what the heck these postage stamp looking things are?  Please enlighten me if you do.

QR Code…stands for Quick something.

I mean I sort of get it, I don’t live under a rock, but what good are they?  They’ve apparently been around for a few years, but it is only recently that I stopped smacking them on my screens thinking it was a bug or something.

It seems that now, instead of typing in WWW.blahblahblah to take you to a web site, or simply double clicking the blue printed site to take you to their page; you point your phone at the QR Code and boom you are there.

I guess young people like this.  They always have their phone at the ready, they love their phones and they love anything new.

Me, I don’t get it.  It does not seem to me, to be any easier to point my phone at a QR Code (and then what, take a picture, just aim it? I’m not really sure) than to double click a web site or even type it in.

I often see on TV, survey requests to vote for anything from your favorite political candidate, to which soap you prefer.

“We’re taking a survey folks, do you A. Vote Republican B. Vote Democrat C. Not sure; or D. Plan to leave the country. Simply use your phone and the QR Code in the corner to choose.”

Once again, I’m not sure what to do with my phone, just point, snap a pic, or whatever, but if I do choose to vote, I have around 11 seconds to find my phone, find the QR Code and…too late it is gone!  Hell, I could have easily typed in the site and voted, but I am QR Code challenged.

What do I do if the QR Code is offered on my computer? Do I use my phone again? I can’t point my computer at it! (Or can I? Is their some new magical technology I don’t know about?) And, If I see the code on my computer, I want to bring up the site on my computer, not my phone.  Am I missing something?

Here is another thing about the QR Code I don’t like:

I don’t trust them!

It has taken me several computer infections to learn to look at the source before opening a site.  When I get an offer for a free 80 inch TV, I check the site before clicking. 

WWW.iownyourcomputer.ru is probably I site I should not click on.  I can’t screen a QR Code (or can I? maybe young people know how.)  Maybe the QR Code is legit, but there is a dust speck on my screen which takes me accidentally to a secret government site and next day the FBI comes knocking at my door.

I fear the time is coming where use of the QR Code will be the only option.

Is paranoia a sign of oncoming dementia?

A Million Dollar Idea

 

A Million Dollar Idea

 

I have a million-dollar idea, but I am too lazy to develop it, so you can have it.

This idea is not only worth a lot of money, but it will help to at least slow down many obnoxious street protesters whose shenanigans are plastered all over the news every night.

Make money and have annoying people shut the front door, what is this idea?

Copywrite!

Years ago, some numnutz copywrote the “Happy Birthday” song.  For years you would almost never hear this song on movies, TV or radio because some clown had the idea to copywrite it and demand a fee for every time anyone wanted to use it. 

Now; people could still sing it at local birthday parties, possibly illegally, but who would know, but any media use would have to pay to play.

Paris Hilton has a copywrite on the phrase “That’s Hot.”

John McEnroe owns “You cannot be serious!”

Mr. T owns “I Pity the Fool!”

And someone actually owns “You’re Fired!”

I Pity the fool TV producer who thinks that’s hot to say you can not be serious…he would probably hear from his boss, “Your Fired!”

I suggest these other phrases also need to be copywritten:

“Hey hey, ho ho, Blah Blah Blah has got to go!”

“No Justice, no peace!”

“One two three four, we don’t want your Blah Blah Blah!”

This would not stop protestors from their clever chants any more than people stopped singing “Happy Birthday” at private parties, but the nightly news shows could not broadcast the annoying chants without paying me (or whoever steals my idea), and finally, these bobble heads would have to invent a protest chant that was clever and not 60 years old.

There it is, my million-dollar idea that also helps keep ass-hats off the evening news.  You can have it, I’m too lazy and at my age would not know what to do with all that money.

“Hey hey, ho ho, copywrite and make some dough!”

You are welcome.

 

 

 

 

TEENAGERS

 

TEENAGERS

 

I just finished talking to my son about children.  He has two heading smack dab into teenage years.  Parenting is not easy, but being a parent to a teenager is brutal.

Newborns are tough, you get little sleep and you worry about every hiccup burp and poop.  But you love them like you never thought you could love and they love right back as without you they cannot exist.

Toddlers are the best, they keep you on your toes, but nothing is as cute as a toddler.  Even puppies are not as cute as a toddler, though this age is very similar to the puppy stage.

From toddler to a growing school age child, their growth both physical and mental is astounding and pure joy to watch. 

Pre-teen is still about the same except they may actually start to question your rules and reasons.

Then there are teenagers. UGH!!!

Horrible years. 

Horrible for the teen as they go through so many changes in size, ideas, and HORMONES. 

They are confused and they question everything. 

As teenagers they realize that parents are not always right, and this realization has them questioning a parent’s EVERY belief and rule.  These are very difficult years for the teenager.  I know I hated most of my teenage years.

Then again, the only thing more difficult than being a teenager, is having a teenager!

My son’s theory is that without these years, parents would never want to see their children grow up and leave, and children would never want to leave.

Your teen may yell at you, “I wish I had never been born” and you might just have the same thought. 

I mean you still love them, you still worry about them, but maybe you are ready to love and worry about them from a distance.

It is an age where they are upset because you worry so much and want to control them, but also get upset and think you just don’t care, if you don’t worry and don’t try to control them.

Neither child or parent can win the teen years, you just have to try and survive.

My son did raise an interesting point.  I’m not sure if he is correct or not, I don’t know the Bible well enough, but his point was,

“I don’t think the Bible has anything about Jesus as a teen.  He was born, he learned a trade as any obedient child of those times, and next thing, he was walking on water and curing lepers.  Nothing about his teen years. The Bible ignores his teen years. I think EVEN JESUS was horrible as a teen!”

Actually, looking back, my four teens were pretty good.  We did not fight too much and I enjoyed a lot about those years.  Sometime they try and tell me stories of antics I never knew about.  I stop them in their tracks. 

“As long as you survived, I don’t want to know about it!”

I’ll bet Jesus tipped a few cows, told a few lies, and skipped out of a few Hebrew classes.  Please just keep these stories out of the Bible.

 I don’t want to know about that either.

For more, see my manual for "Raising A Teenager"

https://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2018/11/raising-teenager.html

Mrs. C Gets a Snow Day

 

Mrs. C Gets a Snow Day

 

Mrs. C just found out her 7 am job has been cancelled due to snow.  She works part time at a local theater and a rare morning graduation event was postponed a week.

Mrs. C was practically giddy.  She has been nursing a cold and really did not feel like getting up early for work.  Of course, she could have called in sick, except she can’t…some sort of stupid work ethic in her DNA.

Her excitement reminded me of school days when snow started to fall in the evening before a big assignment was due.  Could I postpone working on the assignment?  It had been handed out two weeks ago, so I still had time to start…well kind of…but with the snow I could procrastinate even more!

The wise move of course would be to start and finish the assignment. 

So, I closed my books and watched the snow almost blot out the street light.  No way we would have school, except our district was proud of how they could stay open when others closed…but this was a blizzard.

The next morning, I was up early to hear if school was cancelled.  The local show, “Rambling with Gambling” called out closings every fifteen minutes.

“Here are the closings, “Don Bosco Prep (always the first, I think the school was on a large hill) Rahway, East Orange, All New York City (Holy crap, NYC never closes this is a good sign) Newark, Piscataway, Metuchen, East Brunswick, South Brunswick Hell all the Brunswick’s…on and on until finally WESTFIELD!!!”

Back to bed, plenty of time to shovel, and plenty of time for that assignment.

I loved the snow, especially on school days.

 

I Can’t Sweep

 

I Can’t Sweep

 

Not a typo, apparently, I can’t sweep.

Jersey had it’s first snow in several years.  Almost two inches of white stuff which got the weather people excited and the Home Owners Association in full gear.  Streets were plowed as the first flakes were falling, and paths salted and resalted.

I have a feeling the crew hired by the HOA gets paid by the hour and they are starving for a Winter payday.

It is nice that all this stuff is taken care of, at least our stupid high monthly fee gets us something besides signs all over telling us what not to do, but do they have to shovel salt on our covered front entrance?

No snow gets passed our entrance roof.  There is no ice where there is no snow, but the salt does get tracked into and throughout the house.

Hence the salt must be swept away from this area.

Yesterday, before we were having dinner, I took it on myself to complete this chore.  When done I made sure to take credit from Mrs. C for taking charge.

“They salted the entrance again, but I swept it away.”

I was expecting an, “Oh, thanks, I hate it when the salt gets tracked inside.”

Instead, I got, “Did you use the outside broom?”

“What?”

“Did you use the broom from the garage?”

“No! I used the broom from the closet.  I would have had to stomp in the cold 30 yards to the garage to get that broom, all to go swish, swish, done!”

“The inside broom is for inside only!”

“A broom is a frickin broom, there is no harm to your damn inside broom!”

“There is an inside broom for inside and an outside broom for the outside, don’t use the inside broom for outside!”

“Go check your inside broom, if you can show me any issue with me using it outside, I’ll buy another G-Damn broom!”

“That’s not the point.”

Taking a different tack, “When was the last time you used the inside broom, as we have the electric sweeper thing?”

“I don’t know.”

“Guess.”

“Maybe two years.”

“I rest my case.”

“You have no case, just use the right broom in the right place.”

“I get the scissor thing, one for outside, one for kitchen and one just for paper…well I don’t really get it, but I can deal with it, but this broom thing is beyond me.”

“Just don’t use the inside broom on the outside.”

“Fine, can we just eat now?”

“Yes.”

“Which are the inside knives and forks?”

“You’re a jerk!”

 

PB (post blog) We are expecting snow again in two days, HOA salted the front again.  This time I’ll use the outside broom.

 

I AM Outraged!

 

I AM Outraged!

Well, not really outraged, just curious.

Last week I submitted a post about phones and received a curious comment.

AnonymousJanuary 10, 2024 at 8:22 AM

Oh my god I saw your blog on how to feel young in my English book. I got three questions for homework because of you, this is so sadge 😔😔😔

ReplyDelete

Replies

 

 

My first thought was WTF? Why was my post “How To Feel Young” in an English book.  I don’t even think it was a particularly good post. I asked:

 

1.                  

joehJanuary 10, 2024 at 12:49 PM

??English book? What book?

Delete

I received this reply

 

AnonymousJanuary 11, 2024 at 8:34 AM

Fire and ice 2, it’s a school English book, they used one of your blogs for a comprehension

Delete

Delete

 

Now I had to wonder,

First - Don’t they have to get an OK from me to use my stuff?

 

Second - Did they use my post to inspire young minds, or as an example of how not to write.

 

Third - Am I entitled to royalties?

 

I Googled this book. 

The only copy I could find was on Amazon, used for $74.15.

 

That pretty much rules out royalties, and for $74.15 I don’t need to know if it was used to inspire young minds, or as an example of how not to write.

 

Now my only question is what the hell does SADGE mean.  I looked it up and I still don’t know.

 

Somehow a post on How To Feel Young, has made me feel really old!