This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011



There!!  I’ve said it!!  Apparently when a famous person dies, he becomes absolved of all his sins.  Michael Jackson was not a genius.  He did not cure cancer.  He did not invent the I-phone.  He did not discover anything that made the world a better place.  Michael Jackson was a really good singer.  He was a really good dancer.  He was a really good entertainer.  He diddled little boys (Allegedly).

Michael Jackson’s doctor was just sentenced to four years in jail for killing Michael Jackson.  This doctor did not act professionally, but when I hear the histrionics about how Michael would be with us today if not for the doctor I shake my head.  Michael wanted drugs.  Michael needed drugs.  Michael was going to find and pay someone to give him the drugs he wanted.  Michael Jackson is responsible for his own death.  This doctor simply gave him what he wanted.  If not him it would have been someone else.  

Yes this doctor is guilty and should be punished for taking the money and delivering the drugs that Michael demanded; but, let’s be clear, Michael was going to get those drugs.  Money will get you what you want.  It will even keep children from testifying that Michael Jackson diddled little boys (Allegedly).

Jerry Sandusky (allegedly) diddled little boys and his sickness has taken down a respected College President and a revered coach.  Perhaps they should be held accountable for allowing the molester to continue. 

Did no one know of Michael Jackson's (Alleged) indiscretions?  Did any money sucking low life entertainment elite sycophants suffer any punishment for looking the other way while Michael Jackson was (Allegedly) molesting little boys?    

I am sorry Michael Jackson is dead.  He was a talented performer.  His career was, however, basically over.  He was probably bankrupt.  I suspect his comeback would have failed.  His career was ruined because Michael Jackson diddled little boys (Allegedly).  His death has somehow resurrected his image.  The doctor responsible has been demonized and in death Michael has been put back on a pedestal.  It is sad; but I must remind everyone:

MICHAEL JACKSON DIDDLED LITTLE BOYS!! (Allegedly)                                                  

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Bullying is on everyone’s minds these days.  I read in newspaper articles about bullying on a daily basis.  One victim of bullying has not been talked about.  A victim I loved.  An American Holiday tradition is gone as a result of relentless bullying. 

The Christmas Fruitcake is no more.

I loved the Christmas fruitcake.  This was a tradition, baked yearly in-mass by elderly grandmas, aunts, cousins or neighbors.  Women who could not afford gifts to their many acquaintances could pull out a generations handed down recipe and bake bricks of fruity rum infused deserts to be given as presents.

It is true that sometimes you received multiple fruitcakes over the Holidays.  It is also true that the fruitcake had a long, almost forever, shelf life.  The result was some fruitcakes went un-eaten, some were re-gifted. 

There are legends (myths) of the same fruitcake being re-gifted over multiple Christmas Holidays.  It became a joke that the re-gifting of the fruitcake was a Holiday tradition.  Not true, oh it happened, but the re-gifted treat generally ended up with a fruitcake lover.

Legends such as these are fodder for late night comedians and it became a Holiday tradition for these low life bullies to make the traditional Christmas fruitcake joke.  The Tonight Show’s Johnny Carson was particularly brutal in his treatment of fruitcake.   

I loved fruitcake.  My family loved fruitcake, and yet we sat quietly, even laughed uncomfortably when these fruitcake jokes were told.

I should have spoken up.  I should have stood and yelled “Stop! I love fruitcake, and there are many others just like me!”  I did not.  Bullied by the jokes and the head nodding giggling responses of the masses to these jokes, I remained silent.  I allowed the fruitcake to be bullied.

The last ten years there have been no Holiday fruitcakes in my home.  This year there will also be none.  The grandmas, aunts, cousins and neighbors that used to bake and hand them out have all passed-on.  Their recipes have been filed away and forgotten.  Their protégés will not bake and hand them out.  They have been shamed and mocked by the fruitcake bullies; they will be shamed and mocked no more.

Few people will ever again know the joy of receiving and enjoying this Holiday desert treat.  History will tell of the much maligned once traditional Holiday fruitcake which disappeared from the American landscape due to scorn and indifference.

The truth is that a treat baked with love and enjoyed by millions is gone.  Gone as the result of relentless jokes and bullying which was silently allowed by a gutless audience of people such as me.  We quietly allowed a Holiday tradition to be maligned.  We sat back and allowed the fruitcake to be bullied until the fruitcake is no more!

When will we learn?  

Monday, November 28, 2011



Back in the day (almost one year ago) I used to like fermented fruit, potatoes, and or grains.  I liked them a lot, probably too much.  I may well have been an alcoholic, or as many friends have since told me “You think?”  I still enjoy an occasional glass of wine or a scotch on the rocks, but not very often.

Some of you are saying if you are an alcoholic you cannot have even a single drink or you will not be able to stop.  That is probably true for some, there may be different degrees of the disease; I can have a sociable cocktail from time to time.   If I do get more than sociable, I suffer a hangover, something I never had when I drank every day.  A good hangover will make you think twice when offered a second or third drink.

Quitting booze also allowed me to quit smoking.  Smoking and drinking seem to go hand in hand.  I’ve known many people particularly women who only smoke when they have a drink.  Quitting booze and smoking also means I can quit that little blue pill which many older men need in order to feel like younger men.

When I drank too much, I seldom got “fall down” drunk, part because I knew how to pace myself, mostly because I drank the heaviest just before I went to bed, which was usually an easy stumble away.

There are several rules a drinker has to know.  As a retired drinker, I can now pass these rules along to up-and-coming drunks.

1.     If you drink and drive, drive really fucking slow.

2.    Do not drink anything sweet in large quantities.

3.    Cheap booze makes for miserable mornings.

4.    Beer on liquor mighty sicker, liquor on beer, never fear.  Or is it Beer then liquor mighty sicker, liquor then beer never fear?  It’s one of those, probably best to avoid mixing beer and liquor.

5.    Undiluted whiskey goes to your head really fast, always drink whiskey diluted or over ice.                                                                              

The most important rule is when drinking whiskey on the rocks-

6.    Never let the ice cubes float.    

Sunday, November 27, 2011



This week’s stupid HEADLINES and my stupid sophomoric stupid comments PLUS a contest for best stupid comment on the last headline!

Poland Unveils Statue of Ronald Reagan in WarsawGiant statue of the Ex-President screwing in a light bulb all by himself!  (Oh come on Polish people...GOY.)

'Cursing' Baby Doll Upsets Parents – But they admit their kids are learning their fucking numbers and bullshit letters!

Bill Gates Testifies in $1B Lawsuit Against Microsoft- YO BILL, HELLO, it’s your company!

Thousands rally against Wisconsin Republican governorBut, the Governor points out, millions stayed home.

School Calls Cops After 12-year-olds KissBoth children are arrested for child molestation.

Man behind NYC's famous Sabrett hot dogs diesFinally! Every time I ordered one of those dirty water weenies that guy standing behind the cart skeeved me out!

Former FBI Director Louise Freeh to Head Latest Penn State Probe Hmmm…another Penn State probe?  And a former FBI director?  This just gets worse and worse!

Irish tycoon ordered to repay bank record $560 mlnMan claimed he did not have to pay because it was a gift; Judge Judy ruled otherwise.

Exclusive: MF Global Workers Likely Violated Securities Laws – I don’t know what these global workers did, but calling them MF’s is kinda over-the-line!

Anthony Weiner Does Black Friday Shopping in N.Y.C. With Moustache - ____________________   submit your comment CONTEST  winner will be awarded a WHOOP-TEE-DOO!!



The weekly Toddler Talk Quiz is being discontinued for lack of interest. 
The answers to last week’s quiz are:                                                          “SWTEEPY” = CREEPY
“MEOMUDDER” =   PEANUTBUTTER                                                                 There were no guesses, and no WHOOP-TEE-DOO’s awarded.

Friday, November 25, 2011



Joe Paterno has been a coach for over forty-five years.  I defy anyone to Google up a negative comment on Mr. Paterno prior to the recent Penn State scandal.   Forty-five years coaching probably over 2000 kids, dealing with countless students, opposing coaches, reporters, and alumni and I defy anyone to find a negative report or allegation of any sort about The Coach.

His caring and support for his players is legendary.  His players graduate.  His players go on to be positive influences in the community.  He takes time for people, not to promote himself, but because he cares about people.

His legacy will now be forever smudged by the actions of another.  Over forty-five years of good deeds, and leadership down the drain because of the actions of a deviant degenerate defective human being.

 I understand that The Coach could have taken more proactive action in dealing with the deviant ex-coach.  If I was the coach, I would have personally knocked the asshole out and dragged him to the authorities, thus assuring no other young boys would be abused.  That is what I’d like to think I would do, it is what Joe Paterno should have done, and it is what every macho holier-than-thou male claims he would have done. But, is it as simple as that?  Most situations never are and I don’t know what information Joe Paterno had. 

An atrocity was reported to him.  Was he given all the details?  Were the details so abhorrent to him that perhaps the reporter’s claim was as unlikely to be the truth as the event which was reported?

Exactly what should Joe Paterno have done when told of Sandusky’s behavior?  He reported it to his superiors.  When he was told of this man’s horrible crime, Joe Paterno was 74 years old.   Seventy-four years old and Joe Paterno is suddenly faced with an accusation toward one of his ex-coaches of behavior that I would venture to guess Joe Paterno never contemplated in all his years was behavior that anyone would or could commit. 

Joe Pa came from a generation which did not hear of or contemplate such behavior.  A grown man sexually molesting a young boy?  I am not sure this is something that a man of Joe Paterno’s integrity could wrap his brain around.

I confess to not really knowing the details of this case.  Should Joe Paterno have acted differently?  Probably; but let’s not lose sight of the fact that Joe Paterno is not a child abuser.  Joe Paterno did not cover up the incident; he did report it to his superiors.

A seventy-four year old man should be put into such a situation.  A man who has spent his entire life doing from all reports “the right thing”, should not have his legacy destroyed by the actions of a perverted monster.

Jerry Sandusky is probably guilty of being a horrible monster. 

Joe Paterno is guilty of being human.

Jerry Sandusky should probably be removed from society for the rest of his life.

Joe Paterno has seen a lifetime of good deeds, good behavior and good intentions destroyed by the actions of Jerry Sandusky.

Maybe Joe Paterno is guilty of a cover-up.  Maybe he is guilty of looking the other way along with other Penn State officials.  I am just saying that given the totality of his life:

Joe Paterno deserves better. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2011



Thanksgiving is around the corner and with it come many traditions.  The universal Thanksgiving tradition of course is the Thanksgiving turkey.  We will have turkey as usual this Thanksgiving, but the tradition will not be the same as I remember in my youth.

When I was a child, Thanksgiving at our house held many traditions. 

The first was the traditional non-complete thawing of the bird.  Mom always bought the bird frozen.  She took it out to thaw the day before Thanksgiving.  The day before Thanksgiving was never long enough to completely thaw a 20 pound turkey.

The second tradition was the traditional four o’clock dinner being delayed until 7 o’clock because the bird was not completely thawed.  This delay was fine in that it allowed the men (everyone except mom) to watch the end of the traditional NFL football game, and the traditional trouncing of the Detroit Lions by the Bears, Packers, or Cowboys.  When dinner was ready at last, everyone was traditionally starving to death.

Despite the dinner delay, mom’s turkey was traditionally delicious.  It was never dry, never overcooked.

Along with turkey we had mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, sauerkraut (it was a German thing), green beans in mushroom soup mix, creamed oysters, cranberry sauce (from the can), peas, crescent rolls, gravy and mom’s special stuffing.  All this food was spread over the finest tablecloth which was adorned with silver ware, a silver gravy boat, pepper shaker and salt.  The salt was dispensed from a traditional silver tray with a cobalt blue glass insert and a tiny silver spoon.  (My Aunt Nancy once explained the reason the insert had to be cobalt blue, I don’t remember, but there is a reason.)  We never had salad, instead there was a cut glass bowl shaped perfectly to hold celery and carrot sticks.  In addition to water and wine, everyone, even the under aged family members had a glass of Taylor’s Sparkling Burgundy.

We all always dressed up for the Traditional turkey dinner which meant coats and ties.  We sat well dressed, well scrubbed, and well starving around all the food and finery, dad at the head of the table, as my mom marched in with the star of the show, the crispy skinned golden brown turkey.

The house was filled with turkey aroma as the bird was placed in front of my father.  Stomachs rumbling, we watched in awe as the traditional carving of the bird began. 

Dad started the process by slowly and than in ever increasing speed clinking the knife with the sharpener like an Errol Flynn sword fight.  When he was done, he plucked a non-existent hair from his bald pate and faked splitting the fake hair down the middle.  Everyone laughed at this traditional carver’s joke, a joke done by my grandfather, and his father before him.

My father never stood up to carve the bird, he remained seated and in control.  First he cut the wings, then the legs and thighs, placing them on a separate plate.  He went on to cut the breast, saving a bit of the crispy skin for everyone.  The oyster, the juicy dark meat under the bird behind the thigh was saved for the master carver. Each serving was cut to order.  “White, dark, or a little of both?” was asked of everyone.  

Each plate was then passed around and covered with potatoes, beans, creamed oysters and rolls. It was finally placed in front of a starving family member who was forced to wait until everyone at the table was served.  Each diner waited eagerly in front of his dish like a dog commanded to stay…stay…stay…until the last member had a plate in front of him and mom nodded her head; there was an eight second blessing, and we were all turned loose.    

The ensuing carnage was followed with pie (choice of apple, pumpkin or mince) and vanilla ice cream (Breyer’s with the specks of vanilla bean).

Thanksgiving weekend was celebrated with more football, and the traditional turkey, mayo, cranberry sauce and stuffing sandwiches.

Thanksgivings have changed since the dinners of my youth.  The finery at the table is not quite as fine, the dinner is on time and the end of the Detroit Lions mismatch is missed.  I carve the bird before the family is called to the table.  I carve standing up and with much grunting, sweating and occasional swearing.  The traditional carver’s skill was not passed on to me. 

Dinner is served buffet style.  Family members are still starved, dress is less formal and the agonizing carving wait is gone.

The turkey is still traditionally moist and delicious, and I am still traditionally thankful for the friends and family that enjoy it together.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.                  

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


I started blogging last April.  Two years ago I wrote my first book, “Maybe It’s Just Me!” I self-published it in January and thought a blog could help promote sales (so far I can credit the sale of two books to my blog).  I also blog because I found I just like to write.  I’m retired, what else am I going to do?  I wrote a second book which I am waiting to self-publish, “I Used to be Stupid”, but I don’t think I can afford to self-publish much more, so blogging is my outlet.

I have a few friends and relatives who are readers of my blog, but for the most part I have found myself a Cranky Old Man in a world of mommy bloggers; an old grandpa writing for young moms.  I didn’t plan to become a mommy blogger, it has just happened.  The blogosphere seems to be mommy bloggers, famous people bloggers, and those who are really talented (relax; this does not exclude mommy bloggers…sheesh you are all so sensitive).  I am not famous, and not extraordinarily talented, so it is hard to find a niche.  Mommy bloggers have “hops” where people find and follow other bloggers, and mommy bloggers promote other bloggers.  Mommy bloggers also read.

At first I was disappointed in only attracting readers (limited in number at that) who are primarily from this demographic;  I found myself a little bored at reading mommy blogs on the same baby, toddler, kid topics.  I felt out of place and somewhat of a voyeur peeking in on a world so foreign to my own. 

I have since come to love my mommy bloggers.  They are funny; they are honest.  They have feelings and are not afraid to use them!  They stick together, and they support each other.  Being from a world of testosterone I was not aware that such people existed.  I had heard that they existed, but I assumed that like Bigfoot, they were a myth.

I am learning to like my time as an intruder in a world of women.  Women are really different in ways other than what has always been obvious to me.  I now know why some of those guys in high school joined band, cheerleading  and drama.  They were not such geeks after all.

I hope to attract readers from other demographics; I hope to be able to share my writing with and to read the writing of other men.  I try to write stuff that will appeal to everyone.

In the mean time I am happy with my mommy bloggers.  I am happy to have made some blogging friends and to have gained a perspective on a segment of life I never fully appreciated.  I hope to impart some perspective of my gender to the other team. 

I hope to someday be accepted as an honorary mommy blogger.

Scott Z - If you read this post don’t even say it.  I know.  Two steps back, turn in my hammer, and lose a spin!       

Monday, November 21, 2011



OK, last week’s quiz word “POOBAS” was a tough one, but the previous  week was too easy.  Many read this week’s post, few responded.

           Michael Ann said...

I have NO idea what the new one is :(

At least guess!  That’s half the fun. L

Katrina said...

Okay I'm getting no sleep now thanks to your newest "toddler talk" sentence challenge....

Here is a very lame guess...

"Papa Joe play with us!"

although "poo" in no way sounds like "play" so I don't know.

How about...

"Papa Joe fooled us"

but you say it has to do with a game?
Ugh, I have nothing else. So much for my new iPad.

Now Katrina knows how to play the game!

Katrina said...

Just so you know all of my kids are walking around saying "Poobas" trying to figure out what the toddler said. Yep, it's a family challenge now. I've let them in. I need all the help I can get.

Avery, age ten, says, " means POO." and I told her, NO, it has something to do with a game. And so she said, "Well, maybe they are playing doll house. Playing house is sort of like a game."

A.J. age 8 said, "The kid is saying "move us" like if they were playing a board game and needed to move the players around the board."

Aria, age 3 (who I thought would "get it" simply because she just left her own toddlerhood and still might be able to make toddler talk, said, "Poobas? What dat?" Yea, she's no help.

Alex, age 12, said, "Mom, it's blue-something. Blue box. Like if they were playing Candyland and they needed to move to the blue box."

So you can see I'm putting in my time here. Okay, I'll let you know if I have any more guesses!

Well, she may take it a little too serious!

So I gave a hint:

            Is this too hard after last week’s easy quiz? Hint, POOBAS refers to something in a game.



                            Jordan Marie @ said...

Happy Mingle Monday!!


Hmmm… Is this a comment?

Lou said...

Still thinking on this one - this one is hard, even with the clue!

Lou :-)

Come on Lou – See above for Michael Ann!

           Katrina tried so hard I gave her a new clue based on a picture    in   her post:

Okay, I got it...

            "Pa Pa Joe pool balls"

              am I right? it's all I could think of considering photos #6 and #7

           If I'm right.... then I had the unfair advantage...unless you direct everyone to my blog post with    photos #6      and #7 as the clues :)


This week’s Toddler Talk quiz offers two words from Mary Beth’s 3  year old crankette Graham:

“SWTEEPY” – hint, probably not what you think.

“MEOMUDDER” – hint, probably what you think.

            All winners will be awarded a WHOOP-TEE-DOO!

                         Good Luck!

                          I am accepting Toddler Talk Quiz words from readers – email to - Cranky

Sunday, November 20, 2011


It’s Sunday, time for more of Cranky’s HEADLINES complete with my sophomoric stupid comments.  GO ahead, skip this post, I’m going to keep doing it every week anyway!


Christian Baker Faces Boycott For Refusing to Make Lesbian Cake – Claims he can make Angel food cake, and Devil’s food cake, but was never taught how to make a Lesbian Cake.

Johnson & Johnson Starts Removing Toxins From Baby Products – Touts new product as the “No more tears or mucus dripping, cancerous sores Baby shampoo.”

Netflix Subscribers Offered Part of $27.5M Settlement With Wal-Mart at Less Than $1Each

- Or subscribers may view 25 minutes of any movie of their choice for free.

New Report Claims Britain’s Kate Middleton Is Pregnant – Justin Bieber is keeping quiet.

"Suck it up," defense chief tells Congress – Same instruction Clinton gave to his intern.

West says Iran deceives world on nukes – Also asserts that bears shit in the woods and claims the Pope is Catholic!

15 Infant Dinosaurs Discovered Crowded in Nest – Justin Bieber is keeping quiet.

Toronto School Bans Footballs, Soccer Balls and Baseballs From Playground – Hop-scotch ruled politically incorrect by Principal MacDonald, Jacks are outlawed as potential weapons; Tag is still allowed, but NO RUNNING! 

Mouse-Stomping High-Heeled German Women Convicted For Perverse Video – WOW, how perverted is that?   GERMAN women? That’s just wrong.

Man Arrested for Boosting Butts With Cement, Fix-A-Flat – Woman with flat ass, gets fat ass, and becomes a hard ass!

Saturday, November 19, 2011


THE NBA IS ON STRIKE!.....Chirp Chirp Chirp

It is almost Thanksgiving and it just dawned on me; isn’t there supposed to be a professional basketball league playing by now?  The NBA?

Apparently the NBA players are on strike.  Why?  Don’t they get paid pretty well?  Are they downtown protesting against the 1%?  Aren’t they part of the 1%?  Has anyone else noticed?

If the NFL were on strike I think I would have heard.  I think I would be crying.  The thought of no Super Bowl Sunday would have people standing on ledges.  No NBA?  Yawn.  We have FOOTBALL, we have College Basketball, we have Hockey…(we do have hockey right.  I think some people watch hockey.) When March Madness is over we will have baseball!  For the maybe two weeks between March Madness and the start of baseball I might miss the NBA, but think I can take figure skating and BMX racing for two weeks.

This NBA strike is going to prove nobody really cares.  This is like US meat inspectors going on strike, it is like meter maids going on strike, it is like professional bowlers going on strike.  NOBODY CARES!!

If Policemen go on strike, people care; If Firefighters go on strike, people care; If Baseball players go on strike, people care; If Football players go on strike, people jump off buildings.  If transit workers go on strike, people care.  Even if Teachers go on strike, people care.

RT – Listening to TV I just heard on “What not to Wear” a person whose name was Yourine.  Wouldn’t that be Urine?  Is her brother named Shittare? WTF?

NBA players go on strike….NO ONE CARES!

Guys, if you want to keep your huge salaries, go back to work play!

But then, I really don’t care.