WOMEN AND “DATES”
Women put a great deal of importance on dates. They know all the “important” dates, not just Holidays. Women know birthdays, the date someone passed away, and anniversaries of every type. Women remember every anniversary. They remember Wedding anniversaries, first date anniversaries, one month “anniversaries” six month “anniversaries”, the anniversary of their first kiss, there is not a date that women will not remember.
Men remember holidays. They remember their wedding anniversary (well maybe not the first one) and they sometimes even remember their wife’s birthday. Beyond those special days men place very little importance on “dates.”
I sort of know my children’s birthdays. Matt and Marybeth were born around Labor Day. Labor Day changes every year so remembering the exact date is just not fair. Mike was born at the end of June. Hmmm…thirty days has September, April, May, and (or is it June). Mike was born either June 30 or June 31. Spencer was born in early February, the eighth or ninth. I think. My brother Chris was born one day before my birthday, so that one is easy. My brother Jim was born in the summer….I think the fifteenth of one of the summer months. I am not sure of my mother’s birthday, or my father’s birthday, or their wedding anniversary, or the days they passed away.
Most women are horrified by men’s not knowing these various dates. They associate not knowing or caring to remember dates as not caring about the person. “You don’t care enough to even remember ……..”
I assure you, I love all my children and grandchildren. I know they were born, I remember their first words and their first steps. I remember their successes and their failures. I care. I just don’t remember the dates.
I loved my parents. I just could not tell you when they were born or when they passed away. I was sad when they passed away. I am sad today when I think of them. I don’t remember those dates, I assure you I care.
Women get angry that men forget important dates. The truth is men don’t forget these dates, we never knew them in the first place. When each of my children was born, the moment was seared in my memory. The date? Not so much.
Women, please stop the “date” hysterics. Stop the smugness because you remember the exact date. Caring to remember a date is not a measurement of caring. I will bet any amount of money that my ex-wives could tell you the exact day and time our divorces became official. I have to stop and think of the year. I assure you I care about the event; I just don’t put much importance on the when.
Ha! I love this post. I'm glad you explained that to me, because I'm guilty of telling my husband that he just doesn't care -- after all, I must love our NINE children waaaay more than he does since I can remember not only their exact birth dates, but also what time they were born, where they were born, what their weight and height was, and the name of the doctor who delivered them. My husband? He can't even remember which middle name goes to which kid.
ReplyDelete"What's Andrew's middle name?" I'll ask, just for kicks. And he'll look at me, all nervous-like, and meekly answer, "Um...is is John?"
"No, you fool. It's Christopher! How can you not know that?"
and I know my husband is thinking to himself in answer to that question: "Oh, don't know...maybe because he's the EIGTH FLIPP'N KID and I just can't keep track of them all like you can! Leave me alone about it, will ya?"
You are so good at explaining men. Do some more posts like this one! Okay, I have a question for you. Why, after my husband has spent 8 hours or more with me, will he out of the blue mention some kind of information that is reallllly juicy, like if someone is getting a divorce or having an affair or something like that. I mean, you'd think that he'd come home from work all excited to share stuff like that with me. But he doesn't think to mention it until hours later? sometimes days later. And I'll be like, "What??!! How come you haven't told me this!!" and he'll say, "Well, I'm telling you now." and I'll say, "Yea, but how long have YOU known?" and he'll pause a second, knowing that his answer will get him into trouble with me. "Um...I don't know. This morning? Last night? I can't remember." and then I'll say, "You'd THINK you would TELL me something like this just as soon as you found out!"
Okay, I seriously just don't get that. What's the deal? Are all men like this, or just the guy I'm sharing a life with?
Katrina - Men do not always remember things by their order of importence, or with gossip the juciest. We are pretty much LIFO. Last in first out. Unless it is sports or family.
ReplyDeleteCranky
I love this--mostly because I'M the one who is horrible in our relationship! Don't get me wrong, my husband is pretty bad (and I used to be great at it), I'm just WORSE than he is when it comes to dates. I don't know how Katrina does it with NINE. I only have three (ONLY!) and with each pregnancy I lost the ability to hold more information in my brain. I'M the one who forgets names and birth dates and I certainly don't remember weights! My oldest (he's seven and I think he was maybe 8 pounds 6 ounces when he was born...or was that my youngest daughter...?)
ReplyDeleteis the one who feeds us the information at doctor's offices or the school--whenever pertinent information is needed and I hesitate because it's GONE. I do care-- A LOT--I just don't have any room left in my brain. And I'm tired. i always say that I'm coming back as the dad (in my next life)--maybe I'm practicing now...
My selective memory is in overdrive when it comes to dates. If I don't remember the date of or the year of something- I may not care as much as others think I should. It's just not as important in my mind. I'm kind of shallow like that.
ReplyDeleteYup! Thanks for this perspective, Cranky. I have been guilty of thinking evil thoughts about men who don't remember dates. My husband is very good about them though, I must say.
ReplyDeleteI get the chromosome difference makes you guys forget dates, but here's the thing. Now that there are smartphones, iPhones blackberries, Google calendars and such, there's really no excuse to miss important dates even if you have forgotten them!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband remembers our anniversary better than me, but both of us forgot it this year. I identify with you, Cranky. I know I got married in August, on either the 23rd or 24th, but I just can't keep the exact day straight. It's not that I don't care, but other women just don't understand!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's name is Mary Beth, not Marybeth. I should know as this name was my choice.
ReplyDeleteApparently name spelling is also very important to women.
Cranky
I ahve to admit that I am pretty good on dates - well birthdays! Anniversary's I don't even try to remember apart from my own. For me anniversaries are things that are special to the people involved, not everyone else.
ReplyDeleteWhen I met S and it was obvious things were serious, he openly told me that he was useless with dates and that I would be lucky if he remembered my birthday..I am therefore gobsmacked that as well as remembering my birthday, he knows when the kids birthdays are too...However he has no clue when anyone else's is, but thats cool - I just get the cards and sign them both of us - problem solved.
Lou :-)