This Monday Mrs. Cranky and I were off to Trump Casino in Atlantic City. We are not big time gamblers, but we were “Comped” a free room, so we had to go. FREE for God's sake!
We pulled into the casino parking lot which was a five dollar charge for normal patrons. We were not normal patrons, after all, we were comped a free room. FREE for God's sake!
We pulled up to the parking attendant and asked if parking was free if we had a Trump card.
“What color card do you have?”
“GOLD!” (How cool is that, we are holders of a gold Trump card?)
“Well sir, if your card is gold, then it is only five dollars to park.”
“Five dollars? Isn’t that what everyone has to pay?”
“Exactly sir. That gold card and a buck seventy-five will also get you a free cup of coffee.”
Ok, so maybe we aren’t so special, but the room is still FREE for God's sake!
We checked into our FREE – FREE for God's sake – room, and then went into the casino to gamble. The casino was almost empty. Now I see why we were comped a room, two thirds of the casino was empty, a free room FREE for God's sake did not really cost Mr. Trump very much money.
We both went straight for the penny slots. I played twenty dollars, and immediately got hot. Bells were ringing, songs were playing, and wheels were spinning. Wheels were spinning for FREE. FREE for God's sake! When they finally stopped spinning, and the bells stopped ringing, my twenty dollars had turned into ninety-five. Let me tell you, this was fun. FREAKING FUN!! I cashed out and found Mrs. Cranky who had lost thirty dollars. Not as much fun.
We went out to dinner and had a very nice meal for seventy-five dollars. Considering I made that much on my machine dinner was practically free. FREE for God's sake!
We went back to our room where we watched the “Dancing with the Stars” semi-final. (Excuse me? “Monday night Football?” Have you even read my post “My Wife is Turning Me Gay?”) After the show it was back to the casino.
The bells did not ring. The songs did not play. And there were no free spinning of the wheels. Twenties went through that machine like shit through a goose. This was not fun. Mrs. Cranky also did not hear bells or songs. Mrs. Cranky also did not have fun. One hundred and sixty dollars lighter, we retreated to our free room. Free for God's sake.
This morning we had breakfast, thirty dollars, and went home….well on the way out we tried to hear the bells again, but after another thirty dollars we decided the bells did not toll for we.
When we got home, I did some math. With gas, tolls, dinner, breakfast, winnings and losses the day only cost us two hundred and ninety-three dollars. Oh wait. There was a three dollar occupancy tax, and a four dollar charge for the city gambling promotion campaign. So the day cost us three-hundred dollars. But the room was free.
FREE for God's sake!