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Thursday, August 11, 2011

SPEAK ENGLISH

SPEAK ENGLISH

CAN Y’ALL BE CONVERSATIN WITH ANY MORE STUPIDIDITY?

I be watchin reality TV shows lately an I be suprisedly exprised at how stupiditized some people be conversatin lately.


I know these people went to school at least through eighth grade.  I know they can speak proper English.  I know some slang and colloquialisms are acceptable and can add spice to the language, but HOLY CRAP, these people are over the top.  OVER THE TOP, and I know they speak that way on purpose. 

It is one thing to be ignorant.  It is another to know better but choose to revel in your ignorance anyway.  Nothing says “I’m stupid and I’m proud of it” like butchering the English language:


Whatever happened to the possessive “s?”

“My baby daddy.”

“I be going to my mom house.”

“If they not careful, I gone to kick they ass!” (Shouldn’t that be they’s ass?)

Do tenses matter? Do singular or plurals matter?

          “Do it matter?  Yes it do!”

          “He be doing that shit alla time.”

          “I had went to he house.”

          “I be go over later.”

          “He being coming over soon.”

Can y’all say y’all enough?

          “Y’all better not be late or y’all going to be sorry, y’all.”

And shouldn’t y’all represent more than one?  Apparently not.

“Y’all is late!”

Am, is, be, are; if you are going to use them, why not use them wrong?

I is; he am; you be; they is; he are…

Contractions? Hey, anything goes:

Am not = amen’t; go on = g’wan; have not = h’aint.   Ain’t works for just about anything: he ain’t, we ain’t, they ain’t, you ain’t, y’all ain’t.

Some words do not need to be spoken with all their (they) letters and some words can just be left out.

          “It cos fity cen.” (Sometimes “It costes fity cen.”)

          “My boyfren”

          “If I fin out you be lyin I gone go crazy on yo ass.”

          “Whey you at?”

          “Girl, yo be crazy.”

Why say you had something when you can say “I did had?”

          “I did had me a drink.”

By all means make sure to give everything the colorful and descriptive adjective “mother fucking.”  Why threaten to kick someone’s ass when you can kick:

“They mother fucking ass?”

When someone is wrong, they be:

          “Mother fucking wrong.”

Apparently if you are really really tired, you are:

          “Mother fucking tired.”

And these people did not just do something, they ACTUALLY did it.

“I was actually wearing a blue dress.” 

“I actually woke up at nine o’clock.”

The only person on TV who ever calls these cretins out on their use of the English language is Judge Judy.

“Where were you that night?”

“Um..”

“Um is NOT AN ANSWER!”

“Were you drinking at the time?”

“Er..Yeah.”

“That would be YES!”

“Well your honor, we had been conversatin..”

“Hold on; you were WHAT?”

“Conversatin.”

“Conversatin?  Byrd, what is conversatin?”

“I believe she is trying to say they were talking.”

WHAT?  Then say talking.  I don’t know what conversatin is.”

I hate when people butcher the language on purpose; it is as if they are ashamed for others to think they have any education at all!

HOWEVER

I love Judge Judy.  

15 comments:

  1. Hi! Following you from a blog hop!:0)
    Hope you visit me and return the follow!

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  2. Ahaha, love it! So true and I love Judge Judy too.

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  3. well said.
    Or should I say.. yous said that good.

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  4. Hi,there. Thanks for passing by and participating in Monday Mingle at ToughCookieMommy.com. Hopefully, I will see you back every Monday. I am now following via GFC and would love to add you to my followers too.

    P.S. Have we connected on Facebook yet?

    http://facebook.com/toughcookiemommy

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  5. Is there anyone out there who doesn't love Judge Judy...She is like a breath of fresh air and a damn good laugh at the same time.

    English is quite obviously a dying language these days!!!

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  6. I think I just may be in love with you after this post.

    The modern decline of proper English drives me absolutely bat shit insane. Seriously- why is it that kids can't just speak the way they are taught to?

    America just keeps dumming it down, and we wonder why so many other countries surpass us?

    We present the kids from Jersey Shore as an example of what America has to offer. Yes, we have become the butt of the world's jokes.

    America: Dumification

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  7. It's true that horrible language is pervasive, but I don't think that correct grammar is in decline. We tend to remember the extraordinary, odd, unique, and exceptional things in life, so hearing something as cringeworthy as the above phrases would be memorable.

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  8. I LOVE judge judy! There should be more like here out there! I thought I was already following, but I am now for sure!

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  9. Somethink is totes wrong in the world fo shiz! Ima go over there and cry about it then eat a big mother fucking cake to get my joys back, y'all.

    (wow that was painful to write)

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  10. As a foreigner, I find it amusing, trying to decipher what is being said. I look at it as learning a whole new language! When I first moved here, ordering from the drive-through was one of biggest issues! 'That will be Fa dolla n fity cen!' Huh?! (That was $5.50!)
    Now I understand it a lot more and it's 'actually' fun!

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  11. I find some of the things that people say around here (Dallas-Fort Worth- Texas Y'ALL- I hate that word...) quite interesting...however, I'm quite driven to use correct language as much as I possibly can.

    However, sometimes when I speak, it doesn't always sound clear, even if I try to pronounce it clearly, because of the shape of my mouth (I would have to have it surgically corrected....it's something I can't fix). For example, if I were to say something costs fifty cents, it might sound like "it coss fifty censs"....and not intentionally. It really embarrasses me, and I actually hate speaking in front of people because of it. I also have a little issue with the way I say my Ss, it's not quite a lisp per se, but it's not normal.

    I agree, the English language is going down the proverbial drain, and I wish there was something more that the more linguistically educated population could do about it. Unfortunately, all we can do is sit here and watch it swirl away, wondering if it swirls the other way in the Southern Hemisphere.

    I understand that there are different dialects, and slang, and whatnot, but seriously? No more dumbing down of the language. Unless you have an actual reason for speaking differently- for me, it's the way my mouth is shaped, and I can't do anything about that- SPEAK CLEARLY AND NORMALLY.

    Time to put away my soapbox.

    ~Ashley~

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  12. How hard is it to speak properly, and what exactly has your mother been doing?!

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  13. English is not my first language and I always try my best to proofread my work, check verbs and spelling of the words. Language is something precious and we should do our best to protect it.

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  14. It's so sad how English has truly deteriorated through the ages. Pathetically sad, really.

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  15. Well, I'm a bit torn, because while I loved this post and found it very funny, AND some of these idioms annoy me too, I also find the twists and turns of language evolution fascinating, and I love the way different groups use language to signpost what group they want to belong to.
    It's not as annoying as the Business English I live with every day:
    "We're in agreeance"
    "I'm going to try a new tact"
    etc
    Shudder!

    ReplyDelete

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