BIG TALKER

BIG TALKER

Driving to the store today I saw a guy in one of those old people’s scooters driving down the sidewalk from the post office flailing his arms and cursing up a storm.  I have no idea what had him so incensed, but I’m guessing he did not vent his anger at the person to whom he was upset, but waited to be a big talker-tough guy when no one was around. 

This guy was a bit skinny, young and seemed healthy enough, but I don’t think he was really looking for a fight; he just wanted to be the big talker.  “Dude, I could tell you were really angry but you are not going to scare anyone while speeding away at two mph in your Li’l Rascal!”

I love these guys who are the big talkers to no one.  I guarantee when scooter boy got home he relayed a story to someone which ended up in him telling somebody off in no uncertain terms. 

Sure you did tough guy.

My favorite big talker story happened some years ago on the corner of Wall and Broad St. in downtown New York, right in front of the New York Stock Exchange. 

A pedestrian was crossing the street without looking where he was going.  He crossed right in front of a yellow cab.  The cab driver was nice enough to slam on his brakes and not run him over.  The pedestrian was startled, he jumped back, and slammed his fist on the cab’s hood with a what-the-fuck are you doing kind of attitude.

The cabbie was an old school driver.  He wore a baseball hat, not a towel.  He did not appreciate the fist banging on his hood after he had just saved the jay walker’s life.

“Yo asshole, what the fuck you tink ya doin?  Youse coulda been killed an youse hittin my fucking cab?”

The pedestrian said nothing as he backpedaled away from the cabbie and the cabbie kept yelling.

“That’s right keep walking you dumb ass.  Come here ya fuck and I’ll rip off your head and shit down your neck!”

(This was, by the way, the first time I ever heard that particular NYC threat.  It seemed to me to be an overkill.  Once you tear off one’s head, would shitting down his neck really cause him any extra distress?)

The pedestrian kept backing up, quietly and looking quite frightened as if he was picturing his neck being shit down.  He said nothing until the cab driver finally gave him the one digit salute and pulled away.

When the cab driver was out of voice range the pedestrian returned the salute and screamed, “Oh yeah, well FUCK YOU!”

The tough guy’s co-workers probably heard a story that afternoon of his bravado and how he made a NYC cab driver speed away in fear.

Sure you did big talker.  Fortunately for the cab driver you didn’t lose your head!