TUPPERWARE

TUPPERWARE

Tupperware was invented in 1946.  Tupperware has since been a kitchen storage staple.  In the day, my ex-wife went to a Tupperware party several times a year.  We had Tupperware cups, juice pitchers, and containers of every size.  We had the traditional Tupper-toy ball which held Tupper-blocks of multiple shapes (my record was shoving all the shapes into the ball in 22 seconds.

There is a Tupperware container for virtually every household item.  There is a container to hold a bar of soap, a container to cover and keep your toothbrush sanitary (or create a humid atmosphere to grow germs.)  There is a special container for toothpicks, pizza slices, salt, pepper, head of lettuce, and multiple sizes of the Velveeta brick (a cheese like product).

Tupperware is virtually indestructible, and comes with a lifetime guarantee against damage or defect. 

My wife is a Tupperware fanatic. 

The daughter of a Tupperware party lady, she has been brainwashed into the belief that Tupperware is GOLD. 

We have three cabinets full of Tupperware.  Mrs. Cranky fits this stuff in like a giant Jenga puzzle.  Pull out the wrong container and you are hit by an avalanche of multi-colored plastic containers.  The lids for the multitude of containers are all on a shelf of their own.  They are color coded to aid in matching them up to the containers (no, the lids are not the same color as the container.)  My wife is the only one who knows the code.  Every lid almost fits each container.  Without the code obtaining the magic Tupperware freshness burp is an incredibly frustrating task.

You cannot put the Tupper-gold in the dishwasher; Mrs. Cranky claims it will lose its burp.  I am not allowed to hand wash it.  I am too rough.   I officially hate Tupperware.  Tupperware is symbolic of all things kitchen which men cannot handle.  We cannot store it.  We cannot take it out.  We cannot properly seal it.  We can’t even wash the damn stuff.  You can’t see through it, when it is in the refrigerator we have no idea what is stored in the Tupperware.

Is this stuff really gold?  You can buy a dozen non-Tupperware plastic containers at the supermarket for one tenth the price of Tupperware.  It will not last a lifetime, but you can see through it so you know what it holds.  It won’t do the burp thing so the food gets moldy one day earlier, but at least you can see the mold before you open the container up.

Even cheaper, Chinese restaurants now deliver their product in plastic (Chinese Tupperware) containers.  They don’t last a lifetime, but you can put them in the dishwasher.  When they wear out, you simply throw them away and order more take-out.

I have not heard of a Tupperware party in years, maybe they don’t need to sell the stuff anymore; it does last forever and gets passed down generation to generation.  I know I will never see the day that I can safely open the Tupperware cabinet. 

Damn I hate that stuff!

I told Mrs. Cranky that when I am gone please have a cremation and put me in an urn.  My greatest fear is spending eternity burped in a tightly sealed Tupperware casket.  Blue….With a yellow lid.