This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Who Are They Protecting?

Who Are They Protecting?

By who (I think it should be whom, but that just sounds stupid and stuffy to me) I mean politicians and lawyers.  I do not want to disparage all politicians and lawyers, by no means, but sometimes when they do their job to protect us, just the opposite is the result.


Yeah, that is a bit of a jumble, here is the thing:

This morning I saw another of those TV ads that if you own a TV you have seen and made fun of. (Please don’t tell me how proud you are that you do not own or watch TV, first of all you are lying and secondly that is like being proud of not yet succumbing to indoor plumbing).  (And dammit yes you can end a sentence a preposition with…well sometimes).

Did I just interject a thought with double parenthesis comments?  I think I did…I do apologize.


This ad was for “Oh-something” a drug which did not cure Fatal Toe Fungus, or FTF, but was shown to extend a person’s life who suffers FTF by almost three weeks… (better buy this stuff quick). AND, I love this, they claim

‘You may even lose some weight!’

Fuck gaining three more weeks of life, I want to lose some pounds! 

I assume that “Oh-something” was another invention in a long line of scientific breakthroughs discovered by Oprah “The Magnificent,” but I could be wrong.

After explaining how “Oh-something” could get you another three weeks of Fatal Toe Fungus misery, the ad followed with the usual warnings of possible negative effects from flatulence, bleeding from the eyeballs to attempts to shoot yourself.  It then thoughtfully suggests that if you have any of these symptoms you should call a doctor…DUH!  It of course ends with my favorite warning,

“If you are allergic to ‘Oh-something’, stop taking it.”

Like, if you are allergic to something, you would take it in the first place?

Anyway, and finally I will make my point.


Oh yeah, my point.  My point is that these warnings which are supposed to protect us do not protect us at all.  They are clearly made to protect Oprah’s ass so you can not sue her if ANYTHING goes wrong. 

Rather than fight a frivolous law suit claiming a drug caused a person to have a low IQ, they can simply claim “We warned you!”

These warnings do not protect you, they only make you ignore any real potential problems with the drug and take the damn stuff anyway.


 It’s kind of like your mom before you leave the house, “Its cold, wear a hat, don’t forget your umbrella, there is a pot hole on third avenue, and sometimes the accelerator gets stuck and the car won’t stop!”

I think the same thing tends to happen with Government regulations.  In an attempt to save citizens from anything bad possibly happening, politicians invented regulations.

Yes, regulations are necessary, for instance stopping at a red light is an example of a good regulation. 

However, if you put a red light at every corner, even corners with little- to zippity-do-dah traffic, it does not take long for people to ignore those lights and eventually just run through the lights that do have heavy traffic…see the problem there? 

Ok, might not be my best analogy, but there are regulations in our lives and in production, banking and service industries that are so silly and miniscule that people take short cuts, or even pay off inspectors just to move on with their life.  Sometimes stupid miniscule regulations are confused with something really important, and bingo…big problem.

Apparently, that torque pressure on the dingle valve of oil pump number three was more important than the drop of water on a ramp.  One regulation is to avoid slipping and bruising your heiney, the other is to prevent the oil rig from blowing up, killing dozens of people and polluting the entire Gulf of Mexico. 

Probably should have adjusted the torque…oh well!

I could go on about regulations, warnings, car recalls and more, but I forgot what the heck my point was going to be.  I may have already made it…I’m not sure, but this post has exceeded my normal 500-word per post regulation.

I’m old, I only have sixteen readers, so who cares what my point was going to be? 

“Say yes to the dress” is about to come on TV. 

Cranky has left the blog.

Monday, October 29, 2018

“Who’s been walking in the tub with sneakers?”

“Who’s been walking in the tub with sneakers?”

Mrs. C is back from working at her studio’s bi-annual dance competition.  It is a big deal, with a dance star from DWTS as a judge, and Ballroom dance professionals from all over, along with amateur competitions. It is a four-day competition.  Mrs. C sells tickets, along with helping set up and organize all sorts of stuff. She works from 6 am to 11 pm days before and during the competition.


When she comes home she is exhausted, but not so tired as to not notice and grill me on everything in the house that has been moved or changed.  Mrs. C does not like change.  She does not like me to move stuff.  I take this week to discard some clutter that I think I can get away with and move some clutter that drives me nuts.

I did not toss very much. I did clean out some stuff from the freezer that took up space and was way over its “best used by (even if frozen)” date…Mrs. C thinks if it is frozen it will last forever…I disagree.

I moved a bunch of coats and shoes that were in a favorite chair that I can never sit in because it is home to coats and shoes.  She noticed that right away.

“Where are my shoes and coats that are supposed to be on the chair?”

“They were on the chair, they are not supposed to be on the chair.  I moved them to the piles of shoes in the hallway and the coat rack by the door that did not have any coats.”

I survived that adjustment, she was too tired to argue.  She did not notice any other minor adjustments in the house.  I thought I was home free until she went to take a much-needed relaxing hot bath.

I heard from the bathroom a question I thought I would never in my life ever be asked.

“Who’s been walking in the tub with sneakers?”

I yelled back,

“You won’t believe what I thought you just yelled from the bathroom.”

“Who’s been walking in the tub with sneakers?”

“Yes, how did you know that is what I thought I heard?”

“Because that is what I asked…Who’s been walking in the tub with sneakers?”

“What the hell are you talking about?  I may have had a couple glasses of port, and I even smoked a cigar, and that was outside, but I damn sure didn’t put on sneakers and walk in the bath tub!”

“Well someone has!”

I did not see the evidence, she took a bath and I assume what ever she thought were foot prints washed away.

Walking in the tub with sneakers…I think they are working her too hard on these competitions.

Sunday, October 28, 2018


So I was off for the golf course this Monday.  Before I left I made a mental note of three things I was going to need.  

My billfold with money, credit cards, driver’s license, and golf ID.

A new sleeve of three golf balls.

Take two Ibuprofen for my arthritic hip.

I’m ready to go and I set the house alarm, step outside and lock the door. 

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”  

Now, the alarm is doing its beep-beep thing and I’m afraid that if I go in, by the time I put in the code correctly (I sometimes miss on the first try) the alarm will go off, the alarm company will call, and I don’t know the secret password.  I think its RUMPLESTILTSKIN, but what if they ask me to spell it?  Anyway, I wait until the alarm does its beep-beep-beep-beep thing and then quits.

I go inside, key in the stop alarm number, get my sleeve of golf balls, reset the alarm, go outside, and lock the door.

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”

I go through the same alarm crap, go inside, key in the stop alarm number and remember to take my billfold; I set the alarm, go outside and lock the door.

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”

One more time with the alarm, I take the Ibuprofen, reset the alarm, lock up and finally I’m off to the golf course.

I played pretty well.  My recorded score for nine holes was 45.  My actual score was 48.  My should-have-been score was 42.  Forty-two is a very good should-have-been score for me.

I go home on cloud nine, and Mrs. Cranky wants to go out to dinner. 

We pull into the restaurant and I realize I forgot my billfold.

“I don’t know what happened, you must have distracted me; I never forget my billfold. Anyway I have been having a senior day.”

Sure, blame me.  No problem, I have a credit card with me.”

When we get home after dinner I go to where my billfold is usually kept.  It was not there.

“I know why I forgot my billfold. I always put it in my golf bag, and I forgot to take it out after I was done.”

I go out to the car and check the only two pockets in the bag I would ever use.  No billfold.

Now I am upset…I may have yelled…I may have used bad language.

“I am fucked! I had about $45, two credit cards, and my driver’s license in that billfold, not to mention all my health insurance cards.”

“Calm down, are you sure it’s not in the golf bag?”

“Yes I’m sure, I just checked, you need to drive me to the course, it may still be in the parking lot.”

“Let me check the bag.”

“It’s not in the bag, I JUST CHECKED…nothing…nada…zippo…I AM FUCKED.”

“I’m going to check the bag.”                           

“It’s not in the flaming bag!  I just double checked.  I have to cancel all my credit cards, and get a new license, and who knows what hell it will take to get my insurance stuff.  I am FUCKED!!”

I follow Mrs. Cranky out to my car.

“It’s not in the bag; you have to drive me to the course.”

This, by the way is a big deal because “Dancing With The Stars” is about to begin on the TV.

“I am Fucked!”

“No you are not, and I’m not driving you to the course.”

“Why not?”

“Because here is your billfold, it was in the pocket with your rain jacket.”

“What, I never use that pocket.”

“You did today...jerk.”

I    l  o  v  e    Mrs. Cranky.
*A re-run from October 2014

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Stupid Headlines 102818

Stupid Headlines 102818

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.


Rustled bag of gum leads to ‘violent attack’ during Mahler’s 5th Symphony – Everyone knows that in the second movement of Mahler’s 5th Symphony the percussionist is supposed to rustle a bag of chips, not gum!

New Jersey mom credited with stopping potential school shooting in Kentucky – I’m telling you, Jersey girls are special!

World Series cities Los Angeles, Boston place seafood wager on game outcome – Oh for crap sake, put some serious money on the damm series…friggin phony ass politicians!

Humvee dropped from Air Force plane by mistake in North Carolina neighborhood“OK, drop it on three.” “Hey Sarge, how old is your daughter?” “She just turned three…NO!!

Meghan Markle has noticeable wardrobe malfunction while arriving in Tonga – It’s not what you think, a tag was left on her dress…like many women, she was probably going to return it after wearing it one time.

Carrie Underwood mom-shamed for wearing makeup to her son's soccer game – Of course, if she had no make-up the trolls would be all over her for that…this is why I avoid being famous and talented.

The Simple Reason Why the Mega Millions Jackpot Winner Should Take the Lump Sum – That’s right, some numb nutz actually wrote an article on why the winner of the Mega Millions should take the lump sum of 868 million dollars instead of taking 51 million dollars a year for 30 years…REALLY!! Worse yet, I read it!

HBO hires 'intimacy coordinators' to monitor sex scenes – I almost majored in “Intimacy Coordination” in college.

Kitten Cruelly Glued to Busy Road Rescued by Good Samaritan – Dick-head of the week goes to the A-hole that glued a kitten to the street, kudos goes to the dude that saved and now takes care of the kitten.


South Carolina family asks hunters not to kill pet deer – Fingers crossed, most hunters have responded “He gets a pass.”


Dog in Oklahoma pretends to be stray to get free McDonald’s hamburgers – Feel-good/make you laugh…potato/patato, plus I love dogs…I especially like the owners post on Facebook!

“If you see my dog @ the McDonald’s on shields, quit feeding her fat ass bc she don’t know how to act & be leaving the house all the time to go walking to McDonald’s at night. She’s not even a stray dog. She’s just a gold diggin ass bitch that be acting like she’s a stray so people will feel bad for her & feed her burgers.”


Mookie Betts fed Boston’s homeless at 1 a.m. after winning Game 2 of the World Series – Much as I dislike this guy for kicking my Yankee’s ass, he is a really good ballplayer, and apparently a pretty good dude outside of Fenway.  When is he a free agent, we have himeless in NYC too?

Voter Fraud

Voter Fraud
A cranky opinion for


The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with limited knowledge on the subject opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome, but they are wrong.  As always, please, no name calling, and that means you, you big stupid head!

First of all let me state, I do not believe voter fraud has played a part in our elections, at least not in major elections. (I suspect it is not that uncommon in local elections where small numbers of fake votes can make a large difference in an election.)  I do not think that Trump would have won the popular vote if not for voter fraud, nor do I care as that is not how the election rules work.

I do NOT want to make voting so difficult that is suppresses votes, even if it suppresses votes I do not agree with.  I want to see eligible voters vote…once.  I do think people should show proof of who they are before voting, I do not want to start a tiff over how that might be done, but it does worry me how easy it is to have voter fraud.

I think voter fraud is especially easy when we allow mail-in ballots and voting by computer from home. (Is that a thing yet?)

“Cranky, what makes you think voter fraud is easy?  Studies have debunked that issue time and time again.”

First of all, anyone who reads this blog should know by now how much faith I have in “studies.” Often the result of a study is directly related to the result desired by the person or group that paid for the study. NO, not all the time, but enough for me to be skeptical of studies.

Secondly, anytime you see the term “debunked” be suspicious.  Debunked is a dog whistle (I so wanted to use that stupid phrase) for not proven false, but there may be reason for doubt.

Here is my expertise on the subject that causes me to suspect voter fraud, if not rampant, is potentially a major issue.

I just received NJ election information that is sent to all registered NJ voters.  Mrs. C received the same information.  Mrs. C’s daughter also received mail that indicates she is registered to vote in NJ.

Mrs. C’s daughter lives and I assume votes in New York.  I don’t know how she is registered in NJ, possibly because she has some mail sent to our address.  Is this just a fluke?

Well years ago, after my first divorce I noticed when I went to vote that right behind me on the rolls and eligible to vote were my daughter and my ex-wife.  Thing is, my daughter was living in another state, had never lived at the address showing on the rolls, and the ex-wife was living in England and never lived at my address.  How were they registered?  I don’t know, but if it is so easy to be registered accidentally, then I can only imagine how easy it is to intentionally register and vote in multiple jurisdictions.

I pointed out the incorrect voter registration of my daughter and ex-wife to officials, and the actions required to have them removed required a lot of effort.  I did nothing as I know they didn’t vote, but I would not be surprised if they were still on the rolls and even though I have moved if I was as well.

If my ex-wife, daughter and now my step-daughter have been registered incorrectly to vote without even attempting to register, how difficult is it for anyone to intentionally register fraudulently and vote in multiple locations?  If it is so difficult to remove an ineligible voter from the rolls, how many dead people are still registered, how many people remain registered after they move and register at another location?

My mom had Alzheimer’s and my brother was allowed in the voting booth to help her vote the way we all knew she would have wanted to vote, but is this right?  Perhaps people who are not capable of voting should not be allowed to vote.

I often read of busses being provided to take old people to the polls.  That is very nice, but I wonder how many of them actually vote on their own.  I wonder how many vote the way the nice people who provide the bus suggest they vote.

I’m not claiming voter fraud is a problem.  I’m not saying it is running rampant.  I am saying it could be, it might be, and it would not be that difficult to assure that it does not become a problem.

I question the motives of those who do not want to take any steps to assure voting is honest.

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

Thursday, October 25, 2018

People are Angry

People are Angry

I am not saying that things cannot always be better, but perhaps we should see the world from a different perspective while we work for improvement.

People are angry about health care, both the quality and the cost of health care.

One Hundred years ago health care was very inexpensive and doctors made house calls.  The doctor would take an IOU, or if you were one of the fortunate wealthy people of the time he might get a chicken.  The health care he provided likely was a damp rag on your forehead and an order of bed rest. 

If you had a cold or the flu or a stomach ache from something you ate, the doctor’s damp rag and instruction might cure you.  If it was anything else, you probably died.

People are angry and demand a living wage and better housing.

Not much over 100 years ago most people were cold in the winter even if they could scratch up some coal for a crappy furnace.   Running water was at the pump outside where you also had to go to poop or pee in a drafty outhouse.  Food was whatever you grew or shot.

People are angry if there is any hint of religion on government property.

Many early immigrants came to this country because any hint of their faith in their country would have them jailed or executed.  In many countries today, you can only practice the religion of the state, and you MUST practice the religion of the state.

People are angry about how we treat the environment.

The air today in most places is not as clean or water as pure as it was 100 year ago.  There is no point in being angry about cars and planes and industry, they are not going away, better to encourage technological advances that will improve the environment.

People are angry about and demand equal rights for all.

People no longer own other people (in this country), women still face difficulties entering some areas of the workplace, but they are not strictly prohibited as was true not that many years ago.  Laws are in place to even the playing field for all, cultural changes take time, so while we demand change, lets at least temper the anger with appreciation for how far we have come.

People are angry at a lot of things.  I suppose that is a good sign.  Years ago, people struggled to survive most every day of their lives.  They struggled against the weather, they struggled against a brutal ruling class, they struggled for everything they had.  

Years ago, there was no time for anger.  Hardships were not negotiable, difficulties were not legislated against, famine, disease, and inequality was not something to be angry about, it just was. 

People today are angry and worried about surviving after they retire.  Years ago, people did not retire, they worked until they died...and they died early.

I suppose it is good that people are angry, it means we have the time and we have a system where anger just might be addressed; but while we vent our anger, perhaps we should occasionally look back in time to appreciate how truly lucky we are.

I hesitated about publishing this post, I am sure it will make some people angry. 

That pisses me off!

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

The Bachelor

The Bachelor

No, this is not a reality TV show critique, the bachelor is me…for a week anyway.

Mrs. C left me. 

Twice a year she leaves town to work at her bosses Ballroom Dance Competition.  It is a big deal, takes a lot of preparation and lasts for four days.  She will be busy working almost 12 plus hours a day.  I know she works a lot because when she comes home she is very tired and sometimes a bit crankier than I am.

While she is gone, I will be a bachelor. 

Yesterday I enjoyed a cigar with a glass of port, and a grilled steak for dinner. After desert, I watched the first game of the World Series guilt free.

This bachelor thing is great!

Today, I did a few chores as requested on a Mrs. Cranky list that I could actually read, practiced guitar and tonight I will watch game two of the World Series.

Still pretty good.

Tomorrow I will be cleaning bathrooms, going to the gym and…I don’t know.  Watching TV is not so good as there is no one to tell me what just happened, and no one to listen to me complain about what just happened after it is explained to me.

From past experience, this bachelor thing gets tired pretty fast.

I may be missing Mrs. Cranky…don’t be a jerk and tell her.