Mothballs

Mothballs

The cranky old man who writes this blog often complains a lot.  He complains about his dessert hiding wife, he complains about TV low talkers, he complains about women in the supermarket, he even complains about natures creations like crap bombing birds and eave squatting squirrels.  Today, he…oh hell with this third person stuff; I have something nice to say.

I have to give a shout-out to workers at Lowes.  Lowes is a gigantic chain of hardware, paint, landscaping…pretty much anything to do with your home, retail store. 

Lowes is huge.  If an item is in your home or you wish it was in your home, Lowes has it.  There are at least 100 aisles in the store that are 25 yards long or longer lined with 10 foot high shelves.  I will guess Lowes sells approximately 27 bazillion different products. 

Often when I shop at Lowes I am in no hurry.  I like to browse every aisle looking for neat new gadgets or drooling over stuff I wish I could afford or have a house or yard big enough to justify purchasing one of their many “toys.”  A man shopping at Lowes is much like a woman shopping in Nordstrom’s.  There are times, however when I just want to get in and out quickly. 

The workers at Lowes somehow know where every one of the 27 bazillion products can be found.  It is uncanny.  If I were to work in this store for ten years, and go home every night to study where their inventory is located, I probably would not know where to find more than 11 bazillion items.

Some items are reasonably easy to find.  There is a paint section, a tool section, lumber, appliances, garden and so on.  Finding the section is not too hard, but the specific aisle in a section?

The other day I needed mothballs as a squirrel deterrent*.  I did not have time to browse and search.  Mothballs could be in a housewares section  or the garden section or even a miscellaneous section.  To save time I asked a Lowes worker.

Not to be mean, but I am assuming Lowes workers are not highly paid.    I believe most positions have full benefits and are above minimum wage, but point being, I would not expect a lot of their workers to have the same incentive, work ethic, or degree of professionalism as say a lawyer, or teacher, or trades person. 

The Lowes professional I approached was elderly, short, and did not have a full set of teeth; to be totally cruel, at first glance he appeared a bit dimwitted.

“Excuse me sir, do you have mothballs?”

“I may be old and short, but my nuts are normal sized! However if you want a critter deterrent try garden section, aisle 44 bin EE.”

I near wet my pants.  We both had a good laugh. 

Dude knew his stuff and had a quick wit to boot.

I found mothballs in the garden section, aisle 44 bin EE and was out of this giant store in under five minutes.

This is not the first time for me at Lowes, their workers are always helpful in what to buy, where to find it, how to solve a problem, or how to best use one of their products.

So, a big shout-out to the workers at Lowes, I don’t know what they pay you or what benefits you get, but it should be more. 

*As several readers suggested, Meryl the squirrel did return.  He ripped away the metal blockade, but the mothballs were not to his liking and he did not take up residence.  I have since thrown in more mothballs and sealed the hole a bit more securely.   I think he has finally given up.