Mrs. C and I very seldom say the three words. I’ve told her, she’s told me, we know. It is not a big deal, it is just how we roll. We touch a lot and are affectionate even when we bicker. I do have to teach her about hugging.
Every morning before I retreat to my basement sanctuary to practice guitar and or write, she demands a hug. That is fine, the problem is she holds on too long. There is a whole body language to a hug.
There is the one-hand-rub-on-the-back-while-you-hug, hug. This indicates we are just friends.
There is the barely make contact hug. This is usually reserved for first meetings or acquaintances only.
There is the chest bump, fist pump to the back hug. This is reserved for bro’s and says, “I love you dude, but not that way!”
There is the pat-pat-pat on the back hug. This says I have to do this, but don’t get any ideas; I call it the tap-out hug. I got it a lot in my first marriage.
The arms around the neck and squeeze hug means you have been sorely missed. It may or may not have sexual connotations.
The two arms around the back and squeeze is an “I love you” hug. The duration of this hug is important. Too short is a mixed signal. Too long means you may get lucky. A good 10 second double arm hug says, “I love you, and maybe later!” Anything over 10 seconds means “let’s get it on.” The double arm hug requires a squeeze back. When one party ends the squeeze back, the hug should simultaneously end.
Mrs. C gives me the double arm hug before I leave her in the morning. She hangs on forever, even after I withhold the squeeze back. Since I know ain’t nothing going to happen at this time, she is making a mockery of the “I love you” hug. Mocking the “I love you” hug is saying just the opposite.
I hate the extended double arm hug when it is miss-used like this. Mrs. C knows I hate the extended double arm morning hug so she does it on purpose to aggravate me.
I think the intent to aggravate by using an extended double arm hug without an extended return squeeze means she loves me.
That’s my interpretation, and I’m sticking to it.
Here's a big, barely make contact hug from Ohio!ReplyDelete
I like hugs of any sort, but I'm particular about who gets to touch me. I don't remember ever being hugged as a child, so I didn't hug my children either. I've only recently learned the value of hugs and have now hugged my adult children a few times, but it feels awkward to all of us. Hugging the grandchildren is easier.ReplyDelete
Ha Ha Ha! I never dissected and categorized them they way you have, Joe.ReplyDelete
We say I love you here ad naseum. End a phone conversation "love you" texting throughout the day "love you" etc., etc.ReplyDelete
Didn't realize the different categories of hugs either. We do hug and hug often, but more quickly and then move on. Went to a church when we lived in San Diego (liked the church). They hugged a lot and liked it. Then there was Bob at another church who hugged but I didn't want to be hugged by him (and avoided it at all costs).
Hugs are wonderful if given by the people you want to hug you.
I should probably go to a Hugs Anonymous meeting, stand up & say, "My name is Fran & I'm a hugger." I love hugs, even from strangers!!ReplyDelete
We rarely say the three words either. I think SD spent so many years running away from anyone that might say it that he's developed an actual phobia to them! We do hug a lot though. When SD wants to break the hug I get the squeeze along with a hefty double pat on the back, sometimes I don't let go of course it's (just to aggravate him) because I love him!ReplyDelete
Gosh, there should be a rule book. I never knew hugging was complicated - at least to my mind.ReplyDelete
I finally have something in common with Mrs. C.ReplyDelete
Great information Joe. You should do a YouTube video:)ReplyDelete
Oh dear...I'm certainly no expert on hugs...not one of my favourite things. It does sound as though you have come to the correct conclusion though...we only aggravate the ones we love.ReplyDelete
There are many times every day that 'I love you' is uttered by the both of us. It's just what we do. Hugs too. Holding hands is pretty much what we do when we're walking. Okay, we're a lovey dovey couple.ReplyDelete
Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺
Whatever works for you.ReplyDelete
Two can play at that game ... up your game!!ReplyDelete
You DO realize there are people who do not get hugs? Get over it.ReplyDelete
You DO realize this is sarcasm, not complaining.Delete
Yes, I do...I was also being sarcastic. Need emojis.Delete
I am a hugger but I always ask when I'm the initiator. I don't think anyone who initiates with me ever asks.ReplyDelete
You have really looked into this haven't you? My first family didn't hug, my step family is addicted. Not unusual to get a hug and a "bye--love you" when going to the store for milk. They have won me over. I love a good hug.ReplyDelete
Of course it means she loves you. You only aggravate the ones you love.ReplyDelete
I am not a hugger, and had to fend off at least one hug a week from assorted students. This is not an era that smiles upon teacher-hugging.ReplyDelete
I will tolerate hugs from immediate family, and even initiate them with my college sons, upon arrivals and departures. My husband gets randomly distributed hugs, whether he deserves them or not.
I'm a hugger, too. I believe hugs are like chocolate: there is no such thing as "too much."ReplyDelete
I never thought of there being a language in hugging.ReplyDelete
I'm a hugger and Cindy not so much.....so could be some miscommunication, mockery, or mixed signals on my part, oh well it works.ReplyDelete
Good informational post there Joe.
what hug specialist you are joe !ReplyDelete
i extra sensitive to study hugs and judge relationships upon it but all goes secretly in my mind never even write it on page.
i am so glad that you are so lucky to have such partner who give you warmth of her love every day.
don't forget to give her a tight hug back ,she deserve it ,believe me
So she's a hug teaser.ReplyDelete
I love a good hug. Not all people are good at hugging. It's like the handshake. No one likes a weak, clammy handshake no more than they like a boring side hug.
Be thankful she does tease - means she still loves you.