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Sunday, May 5, 2013


Due  to a computer issue beyond my control, there will be no STUPID HEADLINES post this week.  
Last weeks fake headline was:  

Ford recalls first Model T’s produced in 1908 – Apparently a design flaw causes a running board malfunction after 105 years.

Readers to correctly catch the fake were:

Val @
Fishducky @
Kellie @  and
Katrina @

Check out these ladies blogs because in addition to being able to spot BS, they all have very entertaining posts! 

Now in lieu of STUPID HEADLINES, this week a contest based on:


Mrs. C's handwritting is not particularly neat.  She also writes in some sort of short hand of her own invention.  Occasionally I am asked to do a quick supermarket stop on my own.  Mrs. Cranky hands me a list and then goes over each item so I know what I am reading.
Sometimes, even with this list I am lost and have to call in to the boss to ask what it is I am supposed to purchase.  I get the same responce everytime this happens,
"Didn't I go over this with you?  What does the list say?"
"I don't know, that is why I'm calling.  The first item looks like 'Clam Insurance...the brown Clam Insurance!'"
"That is Carnation Instant Breakfast!  Do you even listen?  It's right there for you to read!"
OK, she did go over the list, but she did so while I was watching "Leave it to Beaver" so my mind may have wandered.  But I ask you dear readers, how many items on this list can you figure out?
The person who can correctly name the most items will win a copy of my book "I Used To Be Stupid" via an e-mail of a PDF file, or a great big WHOOP-DE-DO shout out.  Whichever you prefer.
E-mail your answers to  subject "Contest."
Answers and the winner will be posted on Thursday.
Mrs. Cranky offers this as a hint, "The list of items are in the same order as they appear in the store."
That is no help to me; she claims it will help real shoppers.


  1. All I could make out was "cannabis", "strappy potting soil", "tums flavored asparagus", "french connection shaving cream", "condom soup", "lima tampons", and "a single ehmi OJ".

    Did I win?


  2. It looks almost exactly like a shopping list I would write.
    So I can't read it, either.

  3. i admit, there have been times when i've asked him what it said cause i can't read my own writting. and by the way, when i give him a list just for him when i can't go, i do write it neater! you can't believe everything cranky writes. especially when it comes to me. he likes making you laugh at my expense. enjoy!! good luck.

  4. omg! thank goodness you told us the first one! sheesh!

    i got soup and lima and that's it!

  5. laughing at low and slow's answers!

  6. atleast I got Sugar, Lima and soup!!

  7. Well, the store would have long closed by the time I got through this list...but I would have paid attention when she was reading me the items if I knew her penmanship was as bad as mine.
    Confectioner sugar? At least she is going to make you some dessert.

  8. That sir, is written in the language of love. Any devoted husband should be able to decode his dear wife's writing.

  9. EASY!! Right under the clam insurance, she wants you to buy something strange. There's also potatoes, conference swine,soup, limas,something you're supposed to tame & Ah Sin--wasn't he the cook on Bonanza?

  10. Ah....I coulda been a fact, I could have won this thing if I only had my vision back. My handwriting is worse than Mrs. C's and I have spent a lifetime translating my own scribbles for this point I can only detect that one item begins with an "F"....I think.

    Godbless Lowandslow and Fishducky......they had me in paroxysms of laughter like your Stupid Headlines usually do. You should tip them or something.
    Thanks to them and Mrs. C for a great laugh. And to you, love and kisses.

  11. Loved this, no chance of coming up with a winning contest entry, but it does look a lot like the notes I take at meetings. Then when I finally get around to typing them up several days later, I have no idea what I meant! I love Mrs. Cranky's rebuttal. You would never write humor at her expense, would you Mr. Cranky? Mr. Cranky??? :-)

  12. Man this sucks!! I really want to win the contest. But.. You're wife writes just like my Mom did. I could never read her writing. I do most of the shopping and I still can't figure out more than 1/2 of the list. Although, this was an hilarious post!

  13. Alllllrighty.
    I see Tissues, so the word near that will be in the aisle of hygeine.
    Body lotion.

    Then the Orange Juice is written slightly darker, so this is a whole new section... elm. Definately a request for an Elm tree. Arsin... Arsinic maybe? Tripe, toilet paper and steak are all written in one sentence, very confusing.

    Lima beans. Soup.

    Strawberries. Potatoes. HB sauce. Some kind of apple.

    I didn't know they sold Nong's outside of Australia, I thought that was one of our slang words. ;-o

    Mrs. C, I recommend turning the television off, sitting directly in Mr. C's view, holding his face so he has to look at you, wearing a very bright lipstick to aid his focus, when you explain the next shopping list to him.

  14. Is that chicken scratch in English? Actually, my handwriting is just as bad.

  15. I see Strampy Call tamales. POTA news House Bill my sales. Fettucini. Confectioners sugar curls. Paul Coffee soup. Tissues for bathroom and living room. Triage tablespoons. American singles. Oh, and apparently Mrs. C is going to Lima.

  16. omg some of these answers are as funny as the post. This is gonna take some back

  17. I have absolutely no idea ... maybe you should suggest to Mrs Cranky that she should draw pictures of the things she wants in the future.

  18. I'd give up and just eat the list - paper(particularly the yellow kind) is pretty nutritious you know ;-)

  19. It is scary but I got most of them becasue I too have the penmanship of serial killer

  20. you should know what she needs without having to depend on a list.

  21. That is worse handwriting than my husband's and I freaked out when I first saw his thinking I'd married a psychopath.
    All I can make out is straw nappies, call tomatoes, pota beans, my socks, soup, Lima and tissues.

  22. It would appear I am completely devoid of imagination. I have not one single clue!

    Suggestion: Voicemail using Google Voice which will leave you a text as well as a recording!

  23. I'd like to know what store puts the tampons near the lima beans!! If I had to do the shopping based on a list like that, we would probably starve!

    Penny at Mom Rants and Comfy Pants