NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 052613


STUPID HEADLINES 052613

It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
And if you MUST take poison, please take it responsibly!
 

 This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments

 

One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.*

 

Thousands of French Households Taxed 100% - Well I guess they’ll just have to work a little harder!

'Toilet of the future' solves global issues – I think this was a misprint, should have been tissues.

Bacon restaurant shut down for smelling like bacon – Restaurant owner Kevin Bacon vows to shower more often.

More Americans Murdered In Mexico Than In Any Other Country In The World – Well yes, as technically Detroit is not a country.

Phil Jackson Once Dreamt About Spanking Kobe Bryant – It’s going to take a while to get that image out of my head.

Nepal slams climber's 'illegal' call from top of Mount Everest – Apparently it is illegal to yodel in Nepal.

FCC proposing to allow more sex and profanity during kids’ television viewing hours – Well, I guess since it is allowed on our streets, busses and trains, why not on TV?

Former Congressman Anthony Weiner announces bid for NYC mayor – Could we please have a law that people who text pictures of their penis to young girls cannot run for Mayor of the greatest city in the world!
Ex-congressman Weiner doing his Eagle imitation.
 

Teen Who Invited Kate Upton to Prom Gets Best Consolation Prize Ever – Is anyone else getting tired of these dweebs inviting movie stars and athletes to their prom?

Scientist receives $100,000 Government Grant to determine if chicken or egg came first – Next will be a grant to determine why that chicken crossed the road.

 

Last week’s fake headlines:

 

Kosher Shrimp Co. Ferclempt Inc. third quarter comes up short, declares bankruptcy – Shrimp comes up short? Pleeze!

Dunkin Donuts sued for reverse discrimination – Apparently White Men can’t dunk.

TexWisGirl, Lo, and Val all guessed the Kosher Shrimp but did not get the Dunkin Donuts and therefore these bloggers:




 

Will not win a mention, and I will not suggest you visit their very entertaining posts!

 

Fran @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/  knew that Shrimp are never kosher, but claimed all the other headlines were real based on some faulty Googling.  Because of this error and because Googling for answers is strictly forbidden,

 


Has been disqualified and http://fishducky.blogspot.com/ will not be awarded a mention!  Even though Fran's posts are also very entertaining and always good for several out loud gaffaws...PLEASE do not visit her site!! 

 
I hope you have learned your lesson Fran @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/
*use of Google or other internet searches will disqualify any "Fake Headline" guesses!

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY EVERYBODY!!  
And thank you all that have sacrificed and served to keep us free!  

11 comments:

  1. "Nepal slams climber's 'illegal' call from top of Mount Everest"

    Can you hear me NOW? Haha!

    S

    ReplyDelete
  2. you're too funny. :)

    okay, i'm going with the chicken and egg story because i'm really hoping that one's false (and i don't google to find out)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I didn't Google until AFTER I had submitted my answer, but if I had, this is some of what I would have found:

    Discrimination Claims and Diversity Initiatives: What's a ... - Sutherland
    www.sutherland.com/files/.../FLJFall2008McMillianBaker.pdf‎
    by CW MCMILLIAN - Cited by 1 - Related articles
    finding itself defending against claims of reverse discrimination if the program is .... chisee sued Dunkin' Donuts for discrimination based on its refusal to permit ...
    Stupid Person Sues Dunkin' Donuts [Archive] - Actuarial Outpost
    www.actuarialoutpost.com › ... › Cyberchat › Non-Actuarial Topics‎
    Jun 3, 2011 - 39 posts - 21 authors
    [Archive] Stupid Person Sues Dunkin' Donuts Non-Actuarial Topics. ... What's the deal with that? That's some reverse discrimination right there.
    New Jersey Employment Lawyer: New Jersey Law - David A ...
    www.newjerseylawyer.info/‎
    City of Trenton settles reverse discrimination lawsuit for $375,000.00. ... Dunkin Donuts motion to dismiss a case filed by the employment law attorneys for ...

    I forgive you!! Now can I get a mention?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry Fran, the decision of the judges is final, no mention for you!

    Dang, married to a lawyer, they never quit!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Please, do not follow Fran @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  6. OK I can live with that, but does anyone know how to adjust a computer search engine so that when you click on http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com you will automatically go to http://fishducky.blogspot.com?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Scientist receives $100,000 Government Grant to determine if chicken or egg came first – Next will be a grant to determine why that chicken crossed the road. --Please tell mew this isn't true!

    ReplyDelete
  8. The Stupid Headlines pale in funniness compared with your outstandingly hysterical ways of not awarding the prize.
    oh, gawd, I luv ya, Joe.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm picking the Chicken or the Egg Grant as fake. We all know that $100,000 is not enough money for a government study.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I guess that the French taxed 100% and the chicken and the egg story are fake.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!