STUPID HEADLINES 051213
It is time once
again for:
STUPID HEADLINE
SUNDAY
That is one possability!
This week’s stupid
headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments
This week two headlines
are completely made up…name the fakes and win a mention.
Unlikely
New York scribe handwrites Bible in 4 years – New
Yorker is arrested for plagiarism!
Russian
military again flies strategic bombers near Alaska – Planes
turn back after Sarah Palin fires warning shotgun blast.
Munger: It's
time to break up the banks – Banks: Who the frig is Munger?
William Ayers says Weather Underground, Boston bombings not
same – The Weather
Underground in an attempt to murder innocent people to protest the Viet Nam War
killed three of their own members. I
cannot top this quote by one of the intended victims, “The only difference
between Bill Ayers and the Tsarnaev brothers is that [Ayers] was incompetent,
apparently.”
Vegan students at Calif. high school accused of bullying
agriculture students – Isn’t it always
the vegans who are the bullies! Well, the flute players in band can also be
pretty vicious.
California mother forced to pay spousal support to man who
raped daughter – Ex-husband raped the child
for 16 years and only did one year in prison after a plea bargain. He now is suing for alimony. Excuse me while I throw up…be back in about
15 minutes!
Mars
probe finds can of coke zero – Clean up is estimated
to cost 23 billion dollars.
Your heart
attack bill: $3,300 in Arkansas, $92,000 in California – Survival rate from a heart attack:
5% in Arkansas, 75% is California.
Sen. Rob Portman Says, 'Yes,' He
Smoked Pot – If not-smoking
pot was a requirement for public office, we would have nothing but liars in
charge of our government! Oh yeah…don’t
even say it Scott P.
Calif. Teen suspended for calling “Weak hitter, bring
it in!” during Gym Softball game – Apparently strategy is now bullying!
Air
Force strips 17 officers of power to launch intercontinental nuclear missiles -
Government’s sequestration inhibits our ability to accidently
annihilate Planet Earth.
Blacks outvote whites in 2012, the first time on
record - Whites
are demanding voting levers be dropped to shoulder level eliminating the need
to jump
Florida restaurant sells lion meat tacos – Discovery
channel renames its popular crab fishing show to “Second Deadliest Catch.”
Irish Baby
Names 10 Best Girls and Boys Irish Baby Names – Who is this Irish baby? Number 1 on the list…“Waa
O‘Gaga.”
Smoke forces
evacuation of White House press room – President Obama apologizes for the inconvenience, “Oops, sorry Dudes, one
more drag and I’ll be right with you.”
"Oh yeah…don’t even say it Scott P."
ReplyDeleteBut...but...you're killin' me here! It's like a hanging curve ball. In slow motion even. DOH!
S
i'm guessing coke zero and vegan students are the fakes. i wish some of the others were...
ReplyDeletelord help us all...
I think ithey're the bible & the Mars probe.
ReplyDeleteI suspect the Mars probe isn't real. Happy Mother's Day to your Mrs. C.
ReplyDeleteI want the one about alimony for the ex-scum in California to be a fake, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's true. What it wrong with this world? How does that even become a possibility?
ReplyDeleteI'm going with Vegan Bullies and Blacks Outvote Whites as fake. What is there, some roving gang of vegans wreaking havoc in that school? And I don't remember checking a race box on my ballot.
ReplyDeleteThe Mars probe could have found a soda stowed away by an irresponsible techie, which could ruin that expensive mission.
Once again I dunno, though I am suspicious of the Mars coke can.
ReplyDeleteI both loved and hated these......what is happening to this world of ours? Sob.
I believe all of these are correct.
ReplyDelete:-)
Pearl