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Sunday, May 19, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 051913


STUPID HEADLINES 051913

It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
 


Yeah, like that doesn't happen everyday in San Francisco
 
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments

Two headlines are completely made up…name the fakes and win a mention.

 
The One Smell Women Can’t Resist – Well it’s not followed by "pull my finger," that I can attest.

Flying car crashes in Canada – What a surprise…Hello, IT’S A CAR!!

Man jumps out of plane without a parachute and lives!If he had waited until the plane took off, it might have been fatal.


Scientists study violent winds of Uranus – Hey, hey, come on, a little privacy here!

 
Japanese mayor draws ire for saying wartime sex slaves 'necessary' – And yet the Allies won the war without “Comfort Women” slaves. 

Safari guide fired after video shows him charging at elephant – He should have paid cash.



New Hampshire city sues Robin Hood, Merry Men over feeding parking meters – Those turkey sandwiches were clogging the gears.


Ancient Mayan pyramid destroyed for road fill – Just imagine how nice a road the Taj Mahal would make.


Two bald eagles in air battle crash-land at airport No wonder they are an endangered species.


Moms pay $1,000-a-day to hire disabled members to skip lines at Disney – One more reason why I hate Disneyworld! They have more friggin “Lil Rascals” than the “Our Gang Comedy’s!”


Venezuela to import 50M rolls of toilet paper after government claims it's wiped out – No comment needed.  (I wish I did make this one up.)


New Hampshire fishing contest insists on lie-detector test for winner – What are the chances of a fisherman lying?


Oldest water on Earth found deep underground – Unfortunately, the date on the plastic bottle shows it expired 2 billion years ago.


Kosher Shrimp Co. Ferclempt Inc. third quarter comes up short, declares bankruptcy – Shrimp comes up short? Pleeze!


Portland police officer stops car chase to help duck – No comment, just watch the video, very cool:


http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/portland-police-officer-stops-car-chase-help-duck-140849603.html


Dunkin Donuts sued for reverse discrimination – Apparently White Men can’t dunk.


Last week’s made up headlines were:


Mars probe finds can of coke zero – Clean up is estimated to cost 23 billion dollars.


Calif. Teen suspended for calling “Weak hitter, bring it in!” during Gym Softball game – Apparently strategy is now bullying!

Several people guessed the Mars probe, no one got the “Weak Hitter bullying” headline.  Kind of a sad commentary that everyone would accept that as plausible…

Oh...the correct guessers of the Mars Probe were:




Pearl @ http://pearl-whyyoulittle.blogspot.com/  guessed they were all true, but then Pearl talks to cats!

8 comments:

  1. "Moms pay $1,000-a-day to hire disabled members to skip lines at Disney"

    Here's an option: They can pay me $1000 a day and I'll take their little curtain climbers to Disney World, then they can just stay home altogether. That's $100 a day to get me good and medicated, leaving $900 a day profit. Yeah, I'm in.

    S

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  2. okay, this week i'm going with uranus and kosher shrimp. :)

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  3. I think you screwed up! I think they're all true except the Kosher Shrimp company, since shrimp aren't kosher!!

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  4. Would you believe that last year I happened across and saved that very newspaper headline about the lady sumo wrestler. I never got around to posting it but I'm glad you did.

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  5. Oh, Joe....I can see that I have corrupted you beyond redemption.....
    the Ferklempt Shrimp Co.?......marvelous. I love it. For all I ( a failed Jew) know, it could be true.

    Confession....I had to look up ferklempt on Google to get the proper definition. It says "emotional beyond words" kinda like I feel about you and Stupid Headlines.

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  6. It's gotta be the Kosher Shrimp for sure. As a science teacher, I am somewhat knowledgeable about the violent winds of Uranus. So my #2 is The One Smell Women Can't Resist.

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