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Sunday, May 19, 2013



It is time once again for:


Yeah, like that doesn't happen everyday in San Francisco
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments

Two headlines are completely made up…name the fakes and win a mention.

The One Smell Women Can’t Resist – Well it’s not followed by "pull my finger," that I can attest.

Flying car crashes in Canada – What a surprise…Hello, IT’S A CAR!!

Man jumps out of plane without a parachute and lives!If he had waited until the plane took off, it might have been fatal.

Scientists study violent winds of Uranus – Hey, hey, come on, a little privacy here!

Japanese mayor draws ire for saying wartime sex slaves 'necessary' – And yet the Allies won the war without “Comfort Women” slaves. 

Safari guide fired after video shows him charging at elephant – He should have paid cash.

New Hampshire city sues Robin Hood, Merry Men over feeding parking meters – Those turkey sandwiches were clogging the gears.

Ancient Mayan pyramid destroyed for road fill – Just imagine how nice a road the Taj Mahal would make.

Two bald eagles in air battle crash-land at airport No wonder they are an endangered species.

Moms pay $1,000-a-day to hire disabled members to skip lines at Disney – One more reason why I hate Disneyworld! They have more friggin “Lil Rascals” than the “Our Gang Comedy’s!”

Venezuela to import 50M rolls of toilet paper after government claims it's wiped out – No comment needed.  (I wish I did make this one up.)

New Hampshire fishing contest insists on lie-detector test for winner – What are the chances of a fisherman lying?

Oldest water on Earth found deep underground – Unfortunately, the date on the plastic bottle shows it expired 2 billion years ago.

Kosher Shrimp Co. Ferclempt Inc. third quarter comes up short, declares bankruptcy – Shrimp comes up short? Pleeze!

Portland police officer stops car chase to help duck – No comment, just watch the video, very cool:

Dunkin Donuts sued for reverse discrimination – Apparently White Men can’t dunk.

Last week’s made up headlines were:

Mars probe finds can of coke zero – Clean up is estimated to cost 23 billion dollars.

Calif. Teen suspended for calling “Weak hitter, bring it in!” during Gym Softball game – Apparently strategy is now bullying!

Several people guessed the Mars probe, no one got the “Weak Hitter bullying” headline.  Kind of a sad commentary that everyone would accept that as plausible…

Oh...the correct guessers of the Mars Probe were:

Pearl @  guessed they were all true, but then Pearl talks to cats!


  1. "Moms pay $1,000-a-day to hire disabled members to skip lines at Disney"

    Here's an option: They can pay me $1000 a day and I'll take their little curtain climbers to Disney World, then they can just stay home altogether. That's $100 a day to get me good and medicated, leaving $900 a day profit. Yeah, I'm in.


  2. okay, this week i'm going with uranus and kosher shrimp. :)

  3. I think you screwed up! I think they're all true except the Kosher Shrimp company, since shrimp aren't kosher!!

  4. Would you believe that last year I happened across and saved that very newspaper headline about the lady sumo wrestler. I never got around to posting it but I'm glad you did.

  5. Oh, Joe....I can see that I have corrupted you beyond redemption.....
    the Ferklempt Shrimp Co.?......marvelous. I love it. For all I ( a failed Jew) know, it could be true.

    Confession....I had to look up ferklempt on Google to get the proper definition. It says "emotional beyond words" kinda like I feel about you and Stupid Headlines.

  6. It's gotta be the Kosher Shrimp for sure. As a science teacher, I am somewhat knowledgeable about the violent winds of Uranus. So my #2 is The One Smell Women Can't Resist.