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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

THE DUMBEST THING EVER - a crankiy re-run

(Well, one of the dumbest things ever) 

We; the ex and I, bought a giant fucking boat of an SUV five years ago.  We bought this boat off a one year lease, so it was loaded with crap I would not normally buy.  One of the features was a drop down DVD player for rear passengers to view.
I thought this feature was pretty cool.  Spencer was eight years old at the time.  Spence was a good kid, but any eight year old boy gets antsy on a long trip, this DVD would come in handy.

The first time we used the DVD it was great.  A little complicated, but my ex figured it out and got it going.  From the front seat we inserted “Shark Tails” and Spencer watched in silence.  The unit also had fancy wireless headphones, so he could watch and we could talk.  All was beautiful in SUV land.

Weeks later we took a three hour trip, the start of a three day weekend.  We loaded up the DVD with a new movie.  I forget the movie, but it was rated PG.  I think someone said "damn" a lot.  Spence heard worse than that at home so we were unconcerned.

The ex was driving, so I attempted to get the movie started.  Despite following all directions, I was unsuccessful.  The screen kept asking for a code.  WHAT CODE?  I was getting frustrated.  Bad thing.  My ex did not like me to get frustrated.  When I got frustrated, she got pissed off!  I don’t know why, it’s one of the reasons she is an ex.  That and I did not approve of her boyfriend, but that’s another story.

Crazy lady went crazy!  “You F***ING worthless idiot, you can’t do anything.” 

I hated being called a worthless idiot; I think I had some value.

We pulled of the road, and the ex proceeded to demonstrate how F***ing stupid I was by getting the movie going.  Still it needed some code.  She got frustrated, which she was allowed to do so I kept my mouth shut. 


We decided to hell with it.  We would suffer without the DVD and take it to the dealer the next week.  Needless to say the entire trip and the next three days were ruined because we could not get the DVD to work.  Also needless to say it was my fault the entire trip because I must have done something to have the DVD ask for some dumb code.

Three days and many “Shut the F up you worthless idiots” later (again I still think I have some value) we found out the problem at the dealer.

The previous owner had activated a parental code on the player so any movie rated above “G” required a code number punched in to play. 

A PARENTAL CODE?  A PARENTAL CODE? The parentals are in the front seat.  All the controls are in the front seat; all the non parentals are in the back seat!!  I’m pretty sure Spencer was not going to slip in “Debbie Does Dallas” without our knowing. 

I have DVD’s in the house, DVD’s in Spencer’s room, cable with dirty movies after 11:00, and never activated a PARENTAL CODE!

My entire trip was ruined.  I was a F***ing worthless idiot for a week (I still dispute the worthless claim).  All because some nimrod activated a parental code for a DVD in a CAR!

If you know anything dumber, please comment.


  1. Oh that is too funny! I can imagine the frustration of it all. That is a good reminder for me not to get a "fancy" vehicle with a lot of extra features on it. Might save me some headaches down the road.


  2. Yeah, parental code. That's pretty dumb for a car, because like who's going to be driving the car, the deviant 8 year old sister?

  3. Hey, the family mini-van is where a teen I know used to sneak out to late at night to watch his questionable movies because, duh! no parental code set. There is reason .... ;-)

    Almost as stupid as my Pop-in-law's new vehicle that has bluetooth so we can play our tunes from a smart phone. Only, every time you turn the durn thing off you have to go 5 menus deep to reconnect when you start it up again? I mean, it was just working 5 minutes ago!!

  4. a pg movie with an 'r' rated driver.

  5. You have a much better wife now. Being a jerk is way better than what the ex was calling you.

    Did the ex keep the SUV? And the boyfriend? Or did she lose both.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky. ☺

  6. It's hard to think of anything dumber, but I'll try. When I was a display manager for a department store in Oxnard, California, I was ordered to put up signs in Spanish for our Mexican customers. At the time, most schools in Mexico taught English, but our customers were predominantly illiterate field workers and they had no idea these signs were in Spanish because they couldn't read. Many of them would point at the signs and ask me what they meant.

  7. I can't even turn on my TV. Supposedly I don't press the button long enough. I miss the days when you hit the "on" button, and the TV goes on.

  8. That's another example of letting parents off the hook of just telling their kid, "No." Dumb!

  9. I'm guessing some marriages might be dumber....

  10. I agree with Sandee. Jerk is almost playful compared to your ex-wife's pet names for you.

  11. I'm SURE that you're of "some" value!!

  12. Um, the first Volvo we had, two really dumb things the engineers did. First, everything ran on fuses. Well the fuse that controlled the A/C aso controlled the automatic windows. If your A/C fuse blew and it was hotter than blazes out, you couldn't roll the windows down until you stopped and got another fuse.

    That was bad enough, but the brake lights also ran on a fuse. That same fuse controlled the light on the dash that is supposed to come on if your brake lights aren't working. When your fuse blows and the brake lights aren't coming on, the light on the dash to tell you something's wrong with the brakes is also out.

    Yes, you are of value. You fathered her son, whom she loves and probably thinks is a great kid. Remind her of that next time she calls you worthless.

  13. You're not worthless, Joeh. After all you keep us all laughing with your posts.

  14. Not dumber, but almost as dumb...those "ENTER" and "EXIT" labels on Walmart's exterior doors. People go through whichever one they damn well please, usually depending on which aisle they parked. Or else I'm the only one who can read, or makes an effort to follow societal norms. Every time I try to go in or come out, I'm swimming upstream.(A little fishing reference for you!)

  15. Why would anyone call you worthless? You are very smart and funny and now you can play guitar as well. I think she was just repeating what was told to her when she was a little girl. Some one must have called her names and she was just projecting her memories. Kids repeat what they are told and she apparently had not grown up.

  16. When I passed along my 8+ year-old-car to my daughter, I was STILL finding things out about it that I didn't know. Why do they make them so complicated? The Owners Manual is 2 inches thick and written in some geek language that I can't comprehend. My new car isn't any better. *sigh*

  17. I have relentlessly tailgated people with those dvd players because they were playing my fav movies and I wanted to see the good scenes.

  18. Put me firmly in the "you are not worthless" camp. You have much entertainment value.

  19. Every time my wife loses her computers wireless connection, she hollers at me to fix it. I think she knows that I don't have a clue, but at least I will stumble around to the back of the computer and wiggle things (muttering meaningful things about wifi connections and ohm resistance -- trying to sound brilliant). Thankfully that usually works. The trick is to wiggle the right thing.....and if that doesn't work, wiggle everything.

    Someday wiggling will fail me, despite my fake-technical mutterings. That is when her suspicions will be confirmed!