Making a Spectacle of
Myself
Several
weeks ago I ruined my glasses. They were
on the bed. I hoped onto the bed. Glasses, butt...busted beyond repair! I needed
a new pair.
I went to
the eye doctor, got a new prescription and then picked out a pair of
glasses. Now to me, glasses are
glasses. It is important to me that they
are comfortable, but otherwise, glasses are just glasses. Mrs. Cranky came with me to pick out the new
specs, because how they looked was important to her.
I tried on
about thirty different pairs. All but about four were comfortable and just fine
by me. Mrs. Cranky was a bit more picky.
“Too big…too
small…makes you look like a snob…they make you look stupid…you are too old for
those…you aren’t old enough for these…”
Pair after
pair and none could meet her standards.
Finally I found a pair that I liked and she thought made me look about
as handsome as a pair of glasses can make one look.
The new
glasses would not be ready for two weeks.
Fortunately I can live without glasses after the cataract surgery and
new lens implants last year. The glasses
make watching TV more comfortable and they are nice for reading signs when driving,
but I can live without them.
In the mean
time, Mrs. C went to work on the broken beyond repair glasses and with some
super glue and incredible patience she actually fixed them almost as good as
ever. They may not be as sturdy as new,
but they are a usable set.
One of the
pains about glasses when you only need them for some things is you are
constantly taking them on and off and often misplace them. Now when the new glasses finally came in I
could keep one pair upstairs for watching TV, and the new glasses downstairs
for driving and because they turn into sunglasses when it is bright, all
outdoor activity.
The other
night I came upstairs wearing the “outdoor” glasses.
“Why are you wearing those?”
“I don’t know, I just forgot to take
them off.”
“Well put on the other glasses.”
“Why?”
“From this angle on the bed, I don’t
like the look of those glasses.”
“What? You were the one that picked them out.”
“Yes, but I didn’t see them from this
angle. I didn’t notice how they bend and
wrap around your face.”
“I like that they wrap around, it is
good for peripheral vision.”
“They look like Bono’s glasses. I hate Bono’s glasses.”
“Who the hell is Bono?”
“The lead singer of U2.”
“Me too?”
“He is an old rock star.”
“So he must be cool. That would make me look cool also.”
“He looks like a spaceman dork, and
so do you when you wear those glasses.”
“Great, I just spent $500 on glasses
that you picked out and now I can’t wear them because I look like a spaceman
dork.”
“Just don’t wear them in bed, wear
the old glasses.”
“That won’t make me too self
conscience when I wear the new ones!”
“They’re fine, as long as you don’t
see them from a certain angle.”
“Great. And you call me a jerk!”
One mistake by Mrs. C on your glasses does NOT invalidate your jerkiness!!
ReplyDeleteI dread shopping for new glasses because the stores are full of the newest fashionable styles, none of which I like and I spend so long trying frames on and nothing fits right. And they're all so expensive! I have a zero budget and the assistant shows me frames that are $299! That's when I head to the kids frames, they're cheaper at least.
ReplyDeleteI'm due to see the optician tomorrow.... I shall go alone, therefore no interference... grins.
ReplyDeleteI thought U2 was a Lockheed spy plane from the 60's. Kidding. *sort of* And besides, I thought dorky was "in" these days, thanks to Bill Gates and his greatly oversized pocketbook.
ReplyDeleteThey must not look too much like Bono's glasses or she never would have approved them. Pretty funny though - lucky you kept the others!
ReplyDeleteLaura has an eye exam shortly and probably needs new lenses. She picks frames well, I think. Just a little flashy.
ReplyDeleteThere is a certain advantage to being sight impaired as I am that needs to wear glasses all the time. I can see myself misplacing them if I didn't. Always scary not to be able to see and always good to have a backup pair available.
ReplyDeletebetty
My hubby has always selected his own glasses. The only trouble with that was his vision was really bad, and he had to try on the new frames without lenses in them, so he couldn't see exactly what he was picking out. Plus, he's color blind. For the most part, he still managed to do okay. Since his cataract surgeries, he buys el cheapo reading glasses from the drug store. He keeps a pair in most rooms of the house, the cars, and the garage. It's a good thing they're so cheapo, because he keeps losing them and/or breaking them. It's gotten to be a running joke with us.
ReplyDeleteYour conversations are something else. It's like a world event has taken place and you're talking about angles and such. Love the goings on at your house.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
oh, lordy!!
ReplyDeleteWe have similar vision I think. I misplace my glasses for months at a time (sometimes years--the record was three years).
ReplyDeleteI don't think MY Mrs. C. would mind if I looked like Bono.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how you could have lived on this planet for the last 30 years and not know who Bono is? How about Cher, Madonna or Prince?
ReplyDeleteI had to get new glasses a couple of months ago and, unfortunately . . . or fortunately, as the case may be . . . SWMBO did not accompany me to pick them out. I like them. She doesn't. So it goes.
ReplyDeleteIt takes me forever to pick out frames. I usually go before my appointment and pick them out. Frames are fun.
ReplyDeleteAnd i probably wouldn't even notice you were wearing glasses! Shows how people care about different things.
ReplyDeleteTell her you're thinking about going with the Elton John look.
ReplyDeleteOh, and nah, not a purist. Got a fenwick and a mitchell 300 at home that gets used a couple times a year. It's all fishing to me, worms or flies.
“Who the hell is Bono?” Heh, heh.
ReplyDeleteFYI, I mentioned your post about Clay Walker to my son Genius. He's 20, you know, a college sophomore, so I started to explain who Clay Walker is. Genius said, "I'm NOT an idiot! I KNOW who Clay Walker is!" So then I mentioned Steven Tyler, and Genius said, "WHO is Steven Tyler?"
I can't believe you didn't know who Bono is! He's in the news all time, do-gooding all over the place.
Bono is not a bad guy to look like. Like Val said, he does some good in this world too.
ReplyDeleteI wish I weren't so picky about my glasses frames. Usually I take a few pairs home on spec (hah), dither for a few days, choose one, and regret it as soon as they're paid for. Aargh.
I simply have available reading glasses. Have available, that is the problem. I always sit them down somewhere then cannot find them again.So I purchase new ones but I never can remember what strength I should get. And so it goes. I have reading glasses all over the place with varying strength lenses. I know, I should figure out a way to organize and categorize. I will. Sometime.
ReplyDeleteI have not been to the eye doctor in so long that I cold not believe how things have changed. My last test was using that paper eye chart. Today, they use computers and these crazy big glasses, and pressure devices. The bottom line is I now have a killer pair of glasses and can see better than I did when I was in my teens.
ReplyDeleteAudrey Mack @ Clarity Vision - Apex, NC
Why are women so worried about how something looks? I'm with you; as long as they help me see, I don't care what they look like! My wife spends hours looking for the perfect pair of glasses and it only takes me about 5 minutes. I'm going to break them regardless! It's so nice to have two pairs but that only seems too last a short while!
ReplyDeleteWilfred Ingram @ Excel Eye