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Monday, June 15, 2015

WHY AM I CALLED CRANKY? a cranky re-run

This re-run is from June 2014. 
I was afraid it might insult a few readers and was pleasantly surprised that it did not

 Some readers may be wondering, “Why are you called Cranky.  You don’t seem all that cranky, sometimes a little, sure, but not all that bad.” 

Mrs. C is the one who slapped that moniker on me.  Perhaps she just sees too much of me and is subjected to too many of my rants. 

Here is a sample of things that rub against my grain, and subject Mrs. Cranky to annoying rants. 

People who do not watch TV:

I don’t mind that you do not watch TV, it is probably admirable.  What picks the scab of my medulla oblongata are people who proudly proclaim their utter distain for what is probably the greatest technological entertainment advance of the last 100 years. 

“Hey, did you see “America’s Got Talent” last night?”

“Oh. I don’t watch any of that crap.  I only have a TV for the news, and PBS.”

That’s fine, but couldn’t you just say “No I missed it” or “I really don’t watch TV that often, is it a good show?”  NO!  These snobby intellectual giants have to belittle me and my entertainment preferences with their self-aggrandizing assertion that anything on TV is “crap.”

When someone mentions to me that they enjoyed a Broadway Show, or a Ballet, or an Opera, I don’t tell them “Oh, I never watch any of that pretentious annoying crap.” I will simply say that I understand how people enjoy those things, but they generally are not my cup of tea.

It’s called manners.

Healthy Food Experts:

If you mention to these people that you are trying to lose a few pounds, they will make you feel guilty over any and everything you eat. 

I’ll have a cup of oatmeal and a glass of juice for breakfast, a spoonful of peanut butter and a glass of water for lunch, and grilled fish and vegetables for dinner.  If I share an apple turnover and a scoop of ice cream with my wife for desert… BAM!

"Desert?  Ice Cream?  Do you have any idea how many calories that is?  I thought you were on a diet.”

Well, yes, I do…and ordinarily I would have two fried eggs, bacon,  toast with jelly, juice, and coffee with cream and sugar for breakfast; two slices pf pizza and a large soda for lunch; steak and potatoes for dinner and an apple turnover and a scoop of ice cream all to myself for dinner.  Do I really have to listen to you lecture me on how many calories I am having for desert.  Am I really so stupid that I don’t know pastry and ice cream has sugar?  Here is an idea… “STFU!”

Cheerful people in the morning:

I don’t mind all cheerful people in the morning; it is strangers who are the tinfoil on my fillings.  I used to walk to the train in the morning still half awake and not grumpy, but not in an “on top of the world” kinda mood either.  Coming the other way is a power walking lady pumping those 1 ½ pound hand weight things and with a big smile hits me out of the blue with a cheery “Good Morning!”

I may nod back or even grumble a “yeah” back, and that is when I get the return comment that will ruin the next hour and a half of my day.

“Smile, cheer up, it can’t be that bad!”

Well, maybe it is!  Maybe my wife just left me…again.  Maybe I just lost my job, maybe I have a splitting headache, maybe I hate going to work or maybe I just don’t need my morning routine interrupted by some cheery powerwalking lady who has not a care in the world telling me what kind of a mood to be in!  I will cheer the frig up if and when I want to cheer up and I will smile if and when I want to smile, so just pump those sissy-ass weights, shut the hell up, and keep walking.  BITCH!

And that is why Mrs. C calls me Cranky.

It isn’t easy living in my head.


  1. You don't sound any crankier than my husband!!

  2. Hi Cranky Man,

    I agree with all of that.

    Maybe I should change my blog to "The Cranky Mancunian" - or better (so as not to infringe on your "cranky" moniker - "The Grumpy Mancunian".



    PM (GM)

  3. Guessing you wrote this in the morning then .... - I've long suspected that you aren't as cranky as you pretend. Actually, all of the above seem like perfectly reasonable reactions to me .

  4. I don't watch much television, crap or otherwise, simply because I can't sit in a chair long enough to enjoy a programme. Now that IS something to moan about.

  5. We all have our Hot Buttons. I share some of yours, but have a few of my own, too. (I won't bore you with the details, but I promise you Mrs.C will be thankful I haven't put any ideas in your head.)

  6. Thanks for the explanation on how you became know as Cranky. I don't think any of those are unreasonable though with your thoughts and how others should behave with their manners. I don't watch TV much but don't criticize those that do. Just not enough time in the day to get it all done sometimes. I can be cheerful in the mornings, I'll have to tone that down if I'm ever out with someone who might not be as cheery :)


  7. yup, i believe i replied that i was one of those 'probably more chipper than you'd prefer' types that flash a smile and say good morning to complete strangers. :)

  8. It's okay for us to be cranky as long as we don't plot revenge.
    I went to Costco yesterday morning.
    Everything went well until I got behind the wrong customer in the check-out.

  9. Mrs. C seems to have lots of names for you. I don't think you're cranky though. These are things that bug most of us. I love the health nuts the best. They are still going to die like the rest of us.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky. ☺

    1. I have a refrigerator magnet with a picture of a fat old lady on it. It says, "Eat sensibly. Exercise. Die anyway."!!

  10. A bit cranky, but no more so than most, i think. Oh, and i don't watch TV because we don't have one any more (i was wasting too much time on it, even on the good stuff), but i've no objection to others enjoying it. Being a weirdo vegan, i don't bother with what goes in any mouth but mine, because it's not my business. Finally, being the morning lark in a house full of night owls, i promise not to be cheerful in the morning if you don't want me to be so in your presence.

  11. I hate, "We only listen to NPR." STFU
    "I can't believe you read People Magazine." Then leave!

  12. That first one hit the nail on the head for me. 'Nuff said.

    By the way, that item you top off your meals with is "dessert". If you were eating "desert" your mouth would be full of dirt and cactus! :^) (I bet this comment will make you . . . cranky?)

  13. If the comments are any indication, you have carte blanche to assume you're not outside the norm of being cranky. You may grind your teeth at will about people's habits or utterances.

    I agree that the tv, the device, is perhaps the greatest technological leap in entertainment. I also think 90% of what is on it is complete do-do. Oh yeah, I confess to listening to NPR almost exclusively (but I'm really, really embarrassed about it).

  14. Catalyst - yes, yes it does.

    Should Fish More - I multitask while watching TV so I need it to be mindless stuff.

  15. Ya know, we gotta learn you to have more fun in your life. Every so often when someone gets going on their 'passion' (obsession) I'll let 'em rip AND throw in some stereotypical interjections to keep 'em going for a while before ..... telling 'em I don't know nothing about it. My favorites are folks who go gaga over some weirdo TV show or movie, can get 'em going every time but shows, concerts, and movies are just as easy. All ya gotta do is recognize a good mark and the rest is pure fun.

  16. We'd better keep our distance in the morning, when I'm exceptionally cheerful.

  17. Dang! You're a regular Pollyanna compared to how I see the world.

  18. There is nothing more annoying than people who brag that they no longer own a TV set, but then later tell you about some Netflix show they watch on their computer. What is the difference???