DOH!!

DOH!!

It wasn’t really my fault. 

First, the nozzle didn’t fit right, but it did fit…sort of…enough to hold and operate.  Second, I was distracted with all the numbers I had to push.  Third, I was hungry and really had to pee.  Fourth, I pushed the 87-regular button, not that green button that matched the green handle on the nozzle thing.  Finally, I am from New Jersey.

I suspect many of my astute readers are now screaming,

“Oh no Cranky…you didn’t!”

Oh yes, I did! 

Ignoring all the red flags I continued to pump until the tank was full and it was then, hand slapping forehead, I realized I just pumped 8 gallons of DIESEL fuel into my brand-new regular gas burning Honda HR-V.

No Bueno!  No Bueno Big League (bigly for readers who do not speak New York), diesel fuel will not work in a gas car.  It will gum it up pretty bad, perhaps even ruin the engine.

I may be stupid, but not stupid enough to try and drive the car.  I spoke to Sonia, a nice lady inside the Handy Mart at the Shell station off exit 283 on I-81 to Blacksburg Virginia.  She was extra nice, and tried to find someone who could pump out the bad fuel.

“If I can get Billy, he’s done it before.”

Sonia found Billy and he was busy until Friday.  It was now 3 PM Thursday, three hours away from my annual Fraternity reunion venue.

“Hmm, is there a place to rent a car?”

“Sure there is Honey, but they all close around 1 PM.”

The people in Woodstock Virginia are really nice, but they close up kind of early.

While I was trying to think of our next step while beating myself up for being so stupid, Mrs. C was on the case.

When I told her what I had done she understood right away. 

I have previously known a woman who would have lost all control.  She would have dressed me down in a most unpleasant fashion and probably forced me to make a really dumb decision and try to drive three hours with the wrong fuel only to shut up her crazy-ass tirade.

Mrs. C, who once wanted to hang me naked by my ankles and shoot paint balls at my ass because I threw away one ounce of pomegranate juice, remained calm.  She never once blamed me or said a harsh word.  It seems it is the little things that set her off, and by set her off I mean call me a jerk and be angry for about ten minutes…maybe.

While Sonia managed to get Tom, from Friendly Towing to see if he could pump the tank, which he could not, Mrs. C was all over the cell phone.

She called Honda roadside assistance and arranged to have the car towed for free to the nearest Honda dealer 20 miles away.  She called good friend Frog, who had not yet left for the reunion and arranged a pick-up.

Frog had to change cars to fit us and our luggage, but he did and said “The Calvary is on the way!”

The Calvary arrived at 8 and after fueling up with “GAS” and getting some pizza, we were off to Blacksburg.  Five hours at Handy Mart at the Shell station off exit 283 on Rt I-81 is not a great way to enjoy Virginia hospitality, but the staff at Handy Mart tried their best to make us comfortable and me to feel less stupid.

Frog dropped us off at our hotel at 11:15, he and Mrs. Frog were staying with other friends.  We enjoyed the reunion festivities Friday and Saturday. (more to follow on another post) On Sunday we rented a car and drove to Woodstock Va. where we stayed at a motel.  We picked up the HR-V on Monday.  Honda drained the no bueno fuel and swapped out gas that will spark and power pistons.  We dropped off the rental and were home in New Jersey at 1 PM.

I have almost stopped beating myself up for being so stupid.

I am grateful as all heck (again) for Mrs. C.

I lost a lot of time, and a good bit of money.  Poor me! 

I learned that Sonia the wonderful lady who made us at home at Handy Mart had lost her home to a fire two years ago. 

One of the nicest persons I have ever known, a regular at these reunions and occasional reader of this blog, did not make it this year; he was run over and killed while riding a bike in Utah only a few months ago.

Wrong fuel in a tank…five hours waiting in a small gas station stop…several hundred dollars down the drain…it is nothing compared to the real tragedies that befall so many people.  I may be stupid, but I am a very luck man.  Friends like Frog and all the others at this annual reunion, a great wife like Mrs. C, and kindness of strangers will make you feel very fortunate.

And if you are ever at the Handy Mart at the Shell station just off exit 283 on Rt I-81 in Virginia, stop in and say hi to Sonia, tell her the Cranky Old Man with the diesel gas says hello and thank you!

handymart@hnfunkhouser.com.