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Sunday, August 23, 2015

I’VE GOT AN IDEA, BODY ART! - a cranky re-run

This re-run is from August 2012.  Some commenters found it to be Misogynistic.  It just goes to show you that women do not understand sarcasm.
When I was a child it was common to make fun of the strange customs of other cultures.  In China they bound young girls feet so they wouldn’t grow.  How crazy is that?  In some African cultures they used rings to stretch the necks of their young girls.  Some tribes put plates in women’s lips…always an attractive look; and what virile young man would not want to show off by adding a bone through their nose?

How silly, how backward, how strange we thought once upon a time.  Yet our culture today is every bit as silly and even more backward, and strange.


I’ll see your plates in the lips and raise you lip injections. Doesn’t everyone want to look like a duck?

Bind your feet?  We got anorexia, what young girl wouldn’t look more attractive if they could only lose five more pounds?

Bone through the nose?  We have nose rings, tongue studs (alwas bawy attwaktive.)  Want more?  How about toe rings, ear rings, nipple rings, belly-button rings, vagina rings, and penis (shudder) rings?

Not enough?  We have breast implants, butt lifts, penis enlargement, nose jobs, grills, and tattoos.  Yes tattoos because we can’t have enough permanent shit painted on our body. 

Mrs. C. wanted me to get a tattoo.  I almost got the New York Yankee “NY” permanently affixed to my left bicep until I realized that would be the new initials of my first ex-wife.

In what universe do people think earlobes stretched to your shoulders is a good look?  I have never had anyone elbow me and say, “Hey Dude, check out those earlobes.  Damn they are HOT!”

Face lift?  Would you rather look like a mature woman or catwoman?

Why are black people bleaching their skin white while white people are risking skin cancer in the sun trying to be black?

Here is a really good idea.  Squirt poison in your face to reduce wrinkles and gain that always attractive porcelain smooth no expression-ever look.  And just to keep it in place, squirt that poison in every four months.

I can understand a little plastic surgery for actors and actresses whose living often is dictated by their looks, but women do you know:

If your husband found you attractive when you married, he probably still finds you attractive as you age.  Well…most men.

Beauty is skin deep.  Body art, surgery and ornamental attachments do not make you attractive.

You want to be more attractive? 

Lose some weight (or gain some weight) it’s healthy. 

Men…get a job, a car, and move out of your parent’s house.

Women…read a book.

Men…take a bath, wash your hair and brush your teeth.

Women…smile and stop complaining.

Men…open doors, pull out a chair, and learn how to give a sincere compliment.

Women…say thank you, and act like a Lady…oh…and show some cleavage for God sake!


  1. Showing some cleavage is difficult since I had a mastectomy on one side--I'd tend to tip over!!

  2. I do not understand the permanent things people do to their bodies. At least showing cleavage is something you can easily stop doing if it's not the right look for you.

  3. Strange customs of other may not know how strange it seems in Germany that most American males are circumcised. Why would you subject an innocent newborn to such a painful procedure - only to remove the most sensitive part of this organ? (Note: this is the common thinking in Germany, where babies are not circumcised. My ex-husband and current husband are American and circumcised, as are my three sons. And sorry if this is too personal...;-) - all in the interest of just showing what's "normal" in one culture is highly unusual in another)

  4. I think you're equal in your sarcasm, spreading it out equally between both sexes. As for tattoos, I'd get one if a saw one that i though looked good on me. Mostly, they just look trashy.

  5. Puncturing, poisoning, permanently painting one's face...yet I was told after my thyroid surgery how to cover up my neck scar with makeup and scarves!

  6. One of my granddaughters is a tattoo artist (among other things) and has many of them on her body. I don't understand it and I've told her so. She has offered to do one on me but I have declined so far. Maybe when I die I'll have her do a "R.I.P." on my body.

  7. Excellent advice except for the cleavage part. I'm just saying.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky, ☺

  8. Well, we did come a long way and we will go even further to prove that we do not need the approval of our society to do anything outrageous LOL.

  9. I've known of several people who have gotten tattoos of their at the time love interest's name; only to break up over time and then have to have the tattoo altered a bit. I like making changes that will grow out, like a hair style or coloring to it. Anything more permanent, I'm a bit leery of it.


  10. I heartily dislike all the face piercings around these days; as for piercing other body parts, I just shudder when thinking of possible infections. I've considered getting a tattoo, designed to look like a bracelet, it would have my name, birth date and blood group. But I haven't got around to getting it done and probably never will.

  11. Body piercings make me cringe to look at them and tattoos - I was once naive enough to think they were only on sailors!

  12. I'm being totally serious when I say I get the dry heaves when I have to stand behind people with those ear bolts.

  13. Excellent! I agree, all this goes against the natural flow of life. You be what you be. Get over it. I always cringe when I see a person, usually female, who is all stretched out, dressed like a starlet, bleached hair, etc, then all wrinkled from the neck down. What is this all about, a face transplant? Come on, be happy with you!

  14. I have read three blogs today. The first referred to Marsha Brady, the second referred to Marcia Cross who looks like she's had 2 tons of Botox injected in her face, and your's referring to Botox! 3° Of Joe Hagy.

  15. "I am beautiful, no matter what you smell and my hair look great all day". Christine Allegra.

  16. Be a kind, loving person, and you will be beautiful.

  17. Some of the women (and men) who've had plastic work done look downright scary.
    I'm playin' the cards that were dealt me.