NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Sunday, August 9, 2015

STUPID HEADLINES 080915


STUPID HEADLINES 080915

It’s time again for
I'm guessing the shark he attracted with this was a divorce lawyer.
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY


This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.

THERE IS NO FAKE HEADLINE CONTEST THIS WEEK!  But the funniest comment may be awarded a WHOOP-TEE-DOO!

_____________________________

Woman wakes from hysterectomy to find front teeth missing – She shouldn’t have made an appointment with her Grindachologist.

Hitchhiking robot's cross-country trip in US ends prematurely in Philly – Philly is one tough town.

DNC head can’t explain the difference between Democrats and Socialists – EasyIn socialism the government determines the value of products and worker productivity based on what it feels creates the most good for the most people, Democrats determine the value of products and worker productivity based on what will get them the most votes.  (Republicans base the value of everything on how much it sells for on EBay.)

McDonald's has weird burgers with lettuce 'buns'- Lettuce Buns! That was my stripper name.

Mysterious giant ocean ‘blob’ discovered – Don’t panic, it was just Chris Christie going for a dip.

Florida man arrested after attempting to carjack unmarked police cruiser – Maybe if they would mark the damn things this wouldn’t happen!

Everybody Has A Tattoo, But Nobody Talks About The Side Effects – I know they tend to make moms freak out!

Man Accused Of Masturbating In Driveway 3 Times In A Week – Apparently there is a two Driveway masturbation a week maximum in his town.

Someone's Pooping In Golf Holes In Norway – They know it’s a man because he doesn’t put the pin back.

North Korea to establish its own time zone next week – Clocks in North Korea will be pushed back to 1950.

Judge Says Man Can Either Get Married Or Go To Jail – Not much different, except for that sleeping with Bubba thing.

One Billion Stars, 30,000 Light Years, And Petabytes Of Data – Ah…will this be on the test?
_________________________________________
 Last week Val was the only one to realize there was no contest and for this she is awarded a WHOOP-TEE-DOO!  Come up and take your WTD Val.

Val

Are any of these fake? I don't see directions to choose a fake. I can't operate without reading directions! Where do you get 30 eyeballs? I don't have a clue.

However...that eyeball asshole must have been really rich or really important to have so many people's heads up his ass. And that 95-year-old lobster? Come on! Like he knew where his birth certificate was!


There were several funny comments, but something in my totally inappropriate head believes Stephen deserves a WHOOP-TEE-DOO! Come up and claim your WTD and take a bow.



Some of these I read about, but thirty eyeballs in someone's anal cavity? I know from experience you can't get more than twenty-six eyeballs in your anal cavity.


COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

8 comments:

  1. Just who was monitoring the guy masturbating to know he was at it three times a week? They aren't all that well either.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't compete for funniest comment; I'm just here with my popcorn waiting for the show to start!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I would like to thank the Academy of Crankiness for my special award. I will cherish this Whoop-Tee-Dooo forever, and place it on the mantle of my electric fireplace, right next to my Round Tuit. Let this be a lesson for all you kids out there...OVERTHINKING will eventually pay off.

    I'll be back later if I can think of a funny comment. It doesn't work for me if I feel the pressure to be amusing. But rest assured, I will NOT be out in the driveway trying to relieve tension over this week's "nontest."

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'll just take a seat next to jenny_o and wait for the other comments. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. In the spring, there was a serial pooper in these parts who kept taking a crap on (or inside unlocked) cars. He is up to 19 cars, but still hadn't been flushed out.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for my Whoop-Tee-Doo. It may be a consolation prize but I'll gladly accept it since I seldom guess correctly.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Someone's Pooping In Golf Holes In Norway, while that just adds to the crappy golf score for someone. It should make the white ball easier to find.

    ReplyDelete
  8. And here i thought the clocks in North Korea were already set back to the dark ages. Although with his ego, i can only see Kim Jong-Un wanting to set his clocks ahead of everyone else.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!