STUPID HEADLINES 080915
It’s
time again for
I'm guessing the shark he attracted with this was a divorce lawyer.
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This
week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.
THERE
IS NO FAKE HEADLINE CONTEST THIS WEEK!
But the funniest comment may be awarded a WHOOP-TEE-DOO!
_____________________________
Woman wakes from hysterectomy to find front teeth missing – She shouldn’t have made an appointment with her Grindachologist.
Hitchhiking robot's cross-country trip in US ends prematurely in
Philly – Philly is one tough town.
DNC head can’t explain the difference between Democrats and Socialists
– Easy…In socialism the government
determines the value of products and worker productivity based on what it feels
creates the most good for the most people, Democrats determine the value of
products and worker productivity based on what will get them the most votes. (Republicans base the value of everything on
how much it sells for on EBay.)
McDonald's
has weird burgers with lettuce 'buns'- Lettuce Buns! That was my
stripper name.
Mysterious
giant ocean ‘blob’ discovered – Don’t panic, it was just
Chris Christie going for a dip.
Florida man arrested after attempting to carjack unmarked police
cruiser – Maybe if they would mark the damn things this wouldn’t
happen!
Everybody Has A Tattoo,
But Nobody Talks About The Side Effects – I know they tend to make moms freak out!
Man Accused Of
Masturbating In Driveway 3 Times In A Week – Apparently there is a two Driveway masturbation
a week maximum in his town.
Someone's Pooping In
Golf Holes In Norway – They know it’s a man because he doesn’t put the pin back.
North Korea to establish its own time zone next week – Clocks in North Korea will be pushed back to 1950.
Judge
Says Man Can Either Get Married Or Go To Jail – Not
much different, except for that sleeping with Bubba thing.
One Billion Stars,
30,000 Light Years, And Petabytes Of Data – Ah…will this be on the
test?
_________________________________________
Are any of these fake? I
don't see directions to choose a fake. I can't operate without reading
directions! Where do you get 30 eyeballs? I don't have a clue.
However...that eyeball asshole must have been really rich or really important to have so many people's heads up his ass. And that 95-year-old lobster? Come on! Like he knew where his birth certificate was!
However...that eyeball asshole must have been really rich or really important to have so many people's heads up his ass. And that 95-year-old lobster? Come on! Like he knew where his birth certificate was!
There were
several funny comments, but something in my totally inappropriate head believes
Stephen deserves a WHOOP-TEE-DOO! Come up and claim your WTD and take a bow.
Some of these I read about, but
thirty eyeballs in someone's anal cavity? I know from experience you can't get
more than twenty-six eyeballs in your anal cavity.
COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!
Just who was monitoring the guy masturbating to know he was at it three times a week? They aren't all that well either.
ReplyDeleteI can't compete for funniest comment; I'm just here with my popcorn waiting for the show to start!
ReplyDeleteI would like to thank the Academy of Crankiness for my special award. I will cherish this Whoop-Tee-Dooo forever, and place it on the mantle of my electric fireplace, right next to my Round Tuit. Let this be a lesson for all you kids out there...OVERTHINKING will eventually pay off.
ReplyDeleteI'll be back later if I can think of a funny comment. It doesn't work for me if I feel the pressure to be amusing. But rest assured, I will NOT be out in the driveway trying to relieve tension over this week's "nontest."
I'll just take a seat next to jenny_o and wait for the other comments. :-)
ReplyDeleteIn the spring, there was a serial pooper in these parts who kept taking a crap on (or inside unlocked) cars. He is up to 19 cars, but still hadn't been flushed out.
ReplyDeleteThanks for my Whoop-Tee-Doo. It may be a consolation prize but I'll gladly accept it since I seldom guess correctly.
ReplyDeleteSomeone's Pooping In Golf Holes In Norway, while that just adds to the crappy golf score for someone. It should make the white ball easier to find.
ReplyDeleteAnd here i thought the clocks in North Korea were already set back to the dark ages. Although with his ego, i can only see Kim Jong-Un wanting to set his clocks ahead of everyone else.
ReplyDelete