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Wednesday, August 19, 2015



Why are people dicks?

I went to my County golf course today for a little practice.  It is a nice course; it has two 18 hole courses and for a public course gets relatively little play.  The greens are nice, a little slow but nice, the tees are well maintained and the fairways are mostly grass.

The best part of the course is the cost.  As a senior, I can play for only $13 a round.  There is a driving range and to hit a small bucket of balls only costs $3. Golfers will recognize this is a great value.

The only drawback to the course is half of the people working there are dicks!  I go to the desk to pay my fee and sometimes the dude at the cash register is on the phone.  He ignores me for five minutes.  Ok, he’s being a dick, but I don’t say anything.  I let it go.

Then I go to the range and bang out a bucket of balls.  Next I want to practice some putting, but it is some kind of kids “First Tee” thing and the green is covered with children.  I go off to the practice chipping green and the same thing.  The green is covered with kids.  No problem, I think it is good they are getting kids interested in this great game.

To practice chipping, I go about 50 yards behind the first tee and work on my short shots.  Apparently you are not supposed to practice in this area.  I have no idea why, the grass is just rough.  It is not watered or maintained beyond cutting, there is no danger of hitting another golfer that I could discern, and there is no sign saying no practice in this area.

Anyway, I’m chipping back and forth for about 10 minutes and am about to wrap it up and the “Starter”, the guy who checks your tickets, comes out of his little shack and starts hollowing at me, “No chipping…NO CHIPPING!”

I wave at him, an “OK, I hear you kind of wave” and punch my last practice ball back towards my cart.

“HEY!!! I said NO CHIPPING!!

Now I was a little pissed. I put my clubs away and pulled my cart up to the starter’s shed.  I’m about to give this guy, a little fat douche by the way, a piece of my mind.  I get to the shack and there is another starter.  Apparently the little fat douche left for the day, his last act was to play the big shot and tell me “NO CHIPPING!”

The new starter was actually a nice guy.

“Excuse me, I’ve got a complaint.”


“Apparently I am not supposed to chip in that area even though there is no sign.  I’m OK with that, but why does the guy that was just here need to holler at me like I’m a little kid that just hopped the fence and was stealing apples?”

“Oh, that’s Ernie, pay him no mind.”

“Do me a favor, tell Ernie that the 70 year old man he was just hollering at like a kid stealing candy does not appreciate him playing Mr. Big Shot at my expense.  He should learn to say ‘Excuse me sir, I know there is no sign, but you are not supposed to be practicing in that area.’ Oh and tell him that this old man says he is not a big shot, he is a miserable, little fat dick.”

“Sorry about that sir, you have a point.”

The whole thing had me fuming for a couple of hours.

I will see Ernie again, and I will mess with his head.

Cranky must have his revenge!


  1. Ha ha, HOW frustrating - hope you see Ernie soon!

  2. Poor Ernie, he doesn't know what he's gotten himself into.

  3. Revenge for the true Scorpionic personality. I also have Scorpio rising.

  4. Oh did Ernie mess with the wrong man. Hope you post about your revenge.

  5. Make him PAY. I don't play golf, but I do the website fore the local municipal course. Sometimes I go down there and snap picky from a cart. It's a beautiful place.

  6. Go right ahead. We'll all back you up.

  7. Seems to me Ernie is just a little bit power hungry and enjoys using it on others. Thinking soon he might learn a lesson or two about how to tone it down.


  8. Get some Joe!

    "Why are people dicks?" Now there's a question for the ages.

  9. Keep us informed. I may have need to tell someone off one day, probably as soon as tomorrow.

  10. Oh this could be fun. You'll be at the course soon to find this little Dick. There are so many too, so make sure you find the right one. Bwahahahahaha.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky. ☺

  11. Maybe Ernie's other job is with campus police?

  12. Did you put out a contract on Ernie?

  13. I hope he doesn't have a gun. It doesn't take much of an excuse for some people to use them nowadays...:(

    1. Yeah, it stops me from making rude gestures while driving, TB.

  14. Still fuming, it sounds like.

  15. Why is it that a calm, soothing game like golf gets people so excited???

    This whole episode reminded me of my favorite golf/engineer joke:

    For years, they've met once a week to play golf together, the priest, the doctor, and the engineer. This time, however, they get behind some really slow, bumbling players. They start getting upset and call for the manager. The manager comes over and talks to them. "Please don't be upset - we let them play for free. They are veterans who fought in the war in Afghanistan and were blinded in a terrible accident over there. To show our appreciation, we let them play here occasionally."

    The three were silent for a moment. Then the priest spoke up, "Blind veterans...I will have my congregation pray for them!" Then the doctor spoke up, "I really appreciate the sacrifice these veterans have made! I will talk to my friend, the eye doctor - maybe he can do something for them." Then the engineer spoke up, "And can someone please tell me why they aren't playing at night?"

  16. How's your BP, Joe? I'm assuming this is a post with real exaggerations written into the dialogue, 'cause otherwise I'd imagine someone fretting about this for hours, while the other person was totally blissfully ignorant of the whole thing.

    And revenge....yeah, it's an interesting concept. Odd how sometimes it's more hurtful to the one exacting it.

    But a good blog post, it reinforced your fan base, upped your image.

  17. Thank goodness you weren't mad enough to toss your clubs out one by one as you drove down the highway!

  18. You're heading for stroke territory - the medical kind, not the golf kind. Not worth it, man!