COUNSELORS and THERAPISTS
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| This cranky re-run is from August 2012 |
WARNING: If you are a counselor, marriage or otherwise, you might want to skip reading this post. If you read it anyway, keep in mind I am just an old opinionated blowhard.
I may need therapy.
I may need therapy.
I am not a fan of counselors. I particularly do not like marriage counselors. Marriage counselors are where wives take their husbands to punish them or where marriages go to die. Often it is both.
If you go to a doctor and are terminally ill he will tell you. He will offer procedures or drugs to extend your life or even cure your disease, but he will be upfront with your prognosis. A marriage counselor acts as if he can save every marriage that is in trouble.
I have never known a case where a troubled marriage was saved by a counselor. By the time a couple goes to a counselor, the relationship is terminal. Does the counselor ever tell a couple they are wasting their time (money)? NEVER!
Why do counselors never cure a troubled marriage?
Couples never tell the counselor the truth. The wife beats up on the husband, and opens up with all her ammunition, the husband usually just goes into defensive mode. Women love to unload their feelings, especially if it helps validate their belief that their husband is a jerk. Men hate to divulge their feelings, especially if their wife is present and she will throw those feelings right back in his face.
No one can solve a couple problem with one-sided information.
Ninety-five percent of all marriage counseling sessions should end with, “In my professional opinion you two just don’t like each other and this marriage is terminal.” Instead counselors will schedule as many sessions as possible knowing if he (I know it could be she…GOY) doesn’t suck you dry the divorce lawyers will.
The problem with all counselors is patients will not tell the truth about their behavior.
Psychiatrists are presented with patients that are clearly wacked. The patients erratic behavior has been reported to them, and they are allowed to test the patient to diagnose their problem.
Counselors do not have that luxury.
A patient comes to a counselor and the first question the counselor asks is “So why are you here?” The patient will say, “I can’t sleep” or “I have anxiety problems.” Patients lie about their real problems or behavior.
I know what you’re thinking, “That’s crazy!”
EXACTLY!!
I know a person who went on and off to different counselors for fifteen years. She said she suffered from depression and occasional anxiety attacks. For fifteen years counselors tried to treat her for depression and anxiety attacks.
The truth is this person suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD. I know this because I witnessed the behavior and diagnosed the symptoms on the internet.
I know what you are thinking, "Cranky are you a trained licensed therapist?"
No, and I don't have a meteorology degree either, but I know when it is snowing!
Her counselors could not do this because she would never tell them her actual behavior. She did not know her real behavior. Crazy people change reality in their mind to keep their heads from exploding. They don’t tell a counselor what he really needs to know.
They’re crazy!
I've always that they end up over exaggerating the issues that don't even exist. never thought they could help.
ReplyDeleteMy ex is seriously messed up mentally and has been seeing a psychologist for five years or more. Before that he saw different psychologists who all gave up on him, or he gave up on them. This one's a 'keeper' and has helped him, but he never talks about the real problems: the abuse he endured from toddler age onwards. I only know this because he once told me something when he was drunk. He has many other problems too.
ReplyDeleteI believe a lot of people's real problem is that they overthink everything. My parents used to tell us, 'Worry about yourself and not others.' I think the opposite needs to be told to kids today!
ReplyDeleteI'm a qualified treat yourself person but I guess there are folk out there who need to try and get someone onside. But as for counselling, no thanks. If I'm going to make a mess of things I'll do it whether or no.
ReplyDeleteOur son's godparents are therapists and councilors, and I couldn't agree with you more.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend who was going bonkers, I thought. I referred her to my then counselor. She told the counselor that she didn't sleep with her husband because he was fat. The counselor said in her Russian accent, "you are just being a bitch." $300 please. ( first time patient rate.)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter went for years to counselors for help with depression. She got to learn how to out smart them, to answer the questions the way they "expected" them to be answered and had them fooled she was getting "better" with dealing with her depression. On the other hand, I loved talking with the counselor at times because it was nice to have someone that was not emotionally attached to me (i.e. family or friend) justify my feelings and understand what I was going through.
ReplyDeletebetty
I've known a lot of counselors over the years and most of them are the ones that need help. Okay, all of the ones I know were the ones that needed counseling.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day Cranky. ☺
Well now I feel better about not going to a counselor to save my marriage though it would have been fun to unload. That might have been worth the price.
ReplyDeleteA joke for you: Two psychiatrists are alone on an elevator together. They go down a few floors when the elevator stops, the doors open & another man gets on. The new arrival grabs the first psychiatrist, gives him a huge kiss on the lips & then gets off. The second psychiatrist says to the first , "I know you're not gay. Why didn't you do something?" The first answers, "Why should I? It's his problem!!"
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you. And my husband would as well. I have dragged his butt into counseling a few times over our 22 years of marriage ONLY so that someone else could tell him how wrong he was and what an ass he was being, etc. I enjoyed being validated. I liked sitting there and having him put into place by someone else besides me. Rarely did the counselor point out something that I was doing wrong...because that was seldom ever the case. You think I'm joking but I'm not! Seriously. Any man would want me as a wife because I am simple a gem. Just ask my husband. He will tell you so. Because he knows if he doesn't....I'll drag his butt back to a counselor. I just have to say the words, "Hmmm...maybe our marriage needs a tune up with a counselor..." and his attitude miraculously changes. Funny how that works.
ReplyDeleteHaha! So true. My ex "shopped" for one who would agree with her. The first 2 pretty much told her to shape up, and she left in tears. The third I think somehow escaped Germany right before the allies planted their flag back in '45. She looked at me with that freaky, piercing eye as soon as I walked in the door, and I knew that it was no use to even say a word. Sheesh! :)
ReplyDeleteTell us how you REEEEELY feel, Cranky :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's like every other occupation, you got your good ones and you got your bad ones and you got the ones in the middle ... but I have known a few bad ones socially and there really oughta be a law against them practicing ...
There are a few good counselors, but you have to search for them. And as for marriage counseling, if they are good, they will work on the behavior of both of you.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are right, if you don't tell them the whole problem, they can't help at all.
You post today reminds me of an episode of "Everybody loves Raymond" - that scene when Debra starts crying in the marriage counselor's office and he says, "I'm not gonna be able to cry like that."
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha....I loved that show!
Wow! You're kind of raining on their gravy train. People are not supposed to realize that if the counselor cures them, the counselor puts himself out of a job.
ReplyDeleteFor what I've heard and seen - they give you an advice any random person could give. they just ask you huge money for it.
ReplyDeleteNew follower :)
-B-
Fortunately, we've been able to avoid counselors, but the marriage (41 years) is still young.
ReplyDelete