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Friday, August 21, 2015



Today it was back to the golf course to play nine holes.  I could play all eighteen holes, but I would be wiped out and suck on the back nine, so playing just nine holes is fine.  I walk, dragging my clubs on a cart so it is still pretty good exercise. 

On my way to the course I was plotting how I would bust Ernie the dick’s chops (see ). I figured since he made such a big deal out of not allowing practice chipping behind the first tee where there is no sign saying practice chipping was not allowed, that I would make a point of asking if it was ok to practice chipping behind the first tee.  I was then going to ask why not, then ask why there was no sign, and then ask if it was necessary to be a dick when you tell people that you are not allowed to practice where there is no sign saying you could not practice.

That was my plan, but then I started thinking that one, Ernie is probably too stupid to get that I would be just busting his chops, two, I was not sure I could positively identify Ernie as half the dudes working the course are old fat short dudes with a slight limp, and finally I realized I would only get my own juices boiling and that is not conducive to playing golf.  The game requires a relaxed mentality.

So fuck Ernie, let’s just go play golf, nice and relaxed. 

The course is about twenty minutes from my house.  After nineteen minutes of driving, and less than three hundred yards from the course entrance, I ran into a “Road Closed, Detour” sign and a cop car blocking the way.

This course is in one of the few parts of central Jersey that is actually somewhat farm like.  The detour to the course was east eight miles, north five miles, west eight miles and south five miles.  It took me an extra forty minutes to get to the course. 

When I finally got there I saw the road work that sent me on this cross country trip.  The road crew was repairing a five by ten foot section in one lane of the road.  There were three people working on the hole and four people watching, plus two cops and a cop car not to mention the cop and car three hundred yards down the road.  The road by the way is not heavily traveled. 

Now I was pissed again.  It took me forty minutes of driving because this crew could not station traffic controllers to direct traffic safely past the five by ten section of road under repair.  Hell, the detour signs alone must have taken them an hour to put up and probably would take another hour to take them down.

So without getting into tiff with Ernie the dick, I was still not in a relaxed frame of mind.

I called Mrs. Cranky and let off steam about the detour.  She listened patiently and added the appropriate “Wow” and “Oh my” and “That’s just ridiculous” until I was calmed down and ready to play.

Hey, what are wives for?  Well lots, but listening and not calling me a jerk for complaining about my rough life because my golf was delayed forty minutes is certainly one very good trait.

Anyway, I played my best nine holes in several years.


  1. Lots of orange barrels and detours here right now. I feel your pain.

  2. Golf is SUPPOSED to be relaxing...but half the battle is getting there! Did they have one of those beer carts? Because I'd need it!

  3. We have the same detour problem--how much travel it takes to get back to where you started. And because "the valley" is so nice to cycle through, every summer weekend there is a bicycle rally from some damn group or another, many big enough to require police to direct traffic. Or, don't bother to go to the grocery store on the weekend, or the drug store, or need a tank of gas. It's usually clear in time to go out to supper.

  4. got your rancor going, then the pressure cooker let off some steam to bring you to a perfect golf setting. :)

  5. That's the secret I guess to playing a good game; get a bit riled up beforehand. That detour would have driven me crazy too!


  6. Everything is pissing you off of late. I'm just saying. The world is full of jerks and that is that.

    Glad you played your best nine holes in forever.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  7. Now you know what you must do to turn pro. Just build up steam, let some of it off on poor Mrs. C, then go play. It must do something for your adrenaline.
    As big a hole that was in that road, they probably couldn't let traffic pass since the rest of the road might not be stable. Think I saw a picture of that on the evening news.

    1. The other lane was open and cars passed on it, they just woild not direct traffic rom the other side around.

  8. First thing - based on past evidence as presented by your honest, honest self, Mrs Cranky DID call you a jerk and you just don't want to admit it.

    Second thing - if I'm wrong about the first thing, Mrs Cranky deserves flowers. Just go the OTHER way, not the detour way, when you're buying them.

  9. P. S. We always have wonderful, wonderful detours here in the summer too because of course summer is the best time EVER to do them while there isn't three feet of snow on all the roads, except for all the extra tourist traffic and also everyone who lives here wanting to drive around while there isn't three feet of snow on all the roads. I feel your pain.

  10. Replies
    1. Oh thank god. I was afraid you were going to say you played a rotten game and went after Ernie the Dick and perhaps writing from your jail
      cell. Kudos to Mrs. Cranky for calming you down AND that is exactly one of the duties of a wife. I miss it. ha
      I also miss playing golf, as Fishducky said. I meant to dust off the clubs this summer but I only got through half of my year.

      Best game in several years, huh? Maybe you should always think
      you are smacking Ernie the Dick.

  11. I would have interpreted the detour as a sign from God that golf was not my game and moved on to something else. Golf requires patience...have I mentioned that patience is not one of my virtues? Glad you have fun, though. ;)


  12. You were rewarded with a great day of golf because you kept your cool. Congratulations.

  13. Congratulations on the great nine holes, and i don't blame you for being a bit miffed about them detouring everyone for one tiny section of road they could have directed you around.

    Good for Mrs. Cranky for listening nicely and sympathizing!

  14. I hope Mrs. Cranky is not the one who called to report that a certain section of road near the golf course needed repairs...

  15. See, I would have taken that as a sign to go back home and do something else that's laundry. :-p

  16. When you first mentioned the detour I thought it was gonna be because of a restricted crime scene area - someone got to Ernie before you did!


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