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Thursday, November 21, 2024

Presents for the Wife

 Presents for the Wife



OK. I’m just going to admit it, I hate getting presents for my wife.  Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas, Mother’s Day, it never ends.  I’m not cheap (well maybe a little) it is just that when it comes to presents, a woman cannot be pleased.

I repeat “A WOMAN CAN NOT BE PLEASED!

They say they can, but they cannot.

It starts two weeks before an occasion.

“What do you want for ________?”

“Oh, I don’t want anything, it’s fine.”

This is code for you better get something and you need to put some thought into it.  I learned this code from wife #1 and it did not go well.

“No, it is important, I am getting you something and I want it to be nice.”

“Surprise me.”

This is code for do some research and get me something nice that I have been wanting.  I learned this code from wife #2 and it did not go well.

A woman will not be specific about what they want because if you didn’t think of it yourself the present does not count.  

OK, I’ll surprise her.  

Turns out sexy outfits are a bad idea.

“You bought that for you, not for me!”

There was some truth in that, but still...

Clothes of any sort are risky, they may appreciate the thought, but never your taste, and you had better get the right size.

“Do you really think I am that fat!”

Jewelry is nice, but also expensive and after a few years wives run out of fingers toes and ears.

Flowers and candy are nice, but flowers die and candy goes to the hips.  Both are also assumed to be last minute no thinking presents…not great.

I learned as a young lad through situation comedy TV shows that any gadget relating to housework is a really bad idea.  Come home with a better vacuum cleaner for no particular occasion and it is appreciated, on a special day? NO!

Anyway, it is getting near Christmas, normally time for the dance to begin.

This year I am going to skip the dance. 

I think I’ll just get a nice coffee (tea) mug that says,

“MERRY CHRISTMAS…I’m a jerk!”

6 comments:

  1. You've finally learned the code, and now you're giving up! The mug seems appropriate...

    My worst present was a Dust-Buster handheld vacuum that I got for the Christmas when our first son was two weeks old. I unwrapped it with one hand, while holding him, and then never saw it again. I suspect Hick had been wanting that Dust-Buster for his workshop.

    My best Christmas present was a rolling chair for my office. It was a total secret, and snuck in during the early morning hours by Hick and Genius before I was ready for opening gifts.

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  2. A couple I knew had an interesting tradition dating back to when they were young and broke. They didn't get each other gifts, just a card.

    Here's the thing, it was the same card each year.. The first year together, they got each other cards at Christmas, then looked at each other and said, now what do we do with the cards? Keep them as keepsakes until we have a pile?

    Instead, she handed her card back to him and said, "Give me the same one next year!" He laughed and handed over his.

    They did this for every occasion, Valentines, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, all of them. It was the standing family joke and they were happily married for almost 50 years until his death.

    Yes, some women can be pleased, and some of us choose to be pleased because we know how blessed we are.

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    Replies
    1. With that tradition, the money saved and invested, I could have retired with an ocean view.

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  3. I usually pick out my gifts and have Jack wrap it up. However, he usually surprises me with something he's picked out and I marvel that he's that observant and remembers or notices things I may have mentioned. He's better at the gift thing than me! I'm not a jewelry gal and I go through vacuums like water so I always appreciate a new one! Ha!

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  4. For Mother's Day this year daughter-in-law asked for and received (happily) the new style vacuum cleaner she wanted.

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