Headlines 9-18

Headlines 9-18

It’s Sunday, and that means a day of rest.  My blogging day of rest is another Headlines post.  This consists of funny headlines and my stupid sophomoric comments.  So without further ado, here is this week’s lazy man’s post.

HEADLINES

Watching SpongeBob Can Lead to Learning Problems – Experts also find that watching 1950’s cartoons of a mouse turning a cat inside out and then chopping it to bits by a lawnmower heightens children’s awareness.

California Principal Says Cheerleading Miniskirts Too Risqué – Attendance at football games is up 200%.

Mom Donates Kidney to Son, Loses Job - Hires a lawyer to get her job back, but the Lawyer charged an arm and a leg.

Black Widow Gang Was Bent on Killing Husbands for Insurance Money – Gang repented when they realized divorce was more profitable.

Bodybuilder kills dog by throwing him out the window then plays dumb: - PLAYS?

SAT Reading Scores Fall to Lowest Level on Record – Experts recommend more teacher tenure, higher salaries, and outlawing Sponge Bob Square pants.  

OR

Experts confused as scores SUN-FRI remain the same.

Court: California Teacher Loses Fight to Keep 'God' Banners in Classroom – The Court also rules it is unlawful to display the word DOG opposite a mirror.

Israeli Lifeguard Rescues Sunken Treasure - Man holding the treasure drowns.

Sarah Palin had sex with basketball player, snorted cocaine and cheated on husband, book claims – “Yeah, so” Bill Clinton

Nicolas Cage awoken by naked man with Fudgesicle – Actor was pissed off, claims he asked for a creamsicle.

Denver Men Accused of Taking Friend's Corpse on Boys' Night Out – Who doesn’t enjoy a good stiff drink!

Texas execution halted amid Supreme Court review – Entire State breathes a sigh of relief!

Palestinian leader will ask for full UN membership – Israel votes yea for Palestine un-membership.

Japan noodle museum opens doors – No more excuses, now I have just got to visit Japan!

Porn company builds porn bunker to ride out forecasted apocalypse (A Whoop-tee-doo will be awarded to the reader with the best sophomoric comment)