WE NEED TO TALK

WE NEED TO TALK

The four words most feared by man are “We need to talk.”  No pleasant conversation ever follows “We need to talk.”  “We need to talk” means you did something really bad, something that is making your woman very unhappy. 

“We need to talk” means you did or are doing something not just today, or yesterday, but at least a week ago.  You did something that has slowly festered in your lady’s mind.  She has tried to overlook it.  She has tried to forgive you.  She hoped you would correct what you did and apologize to her for what you did.

Oh yes, you were given the opportunity to fix the problem, but you ignored the “nothing” response when you asked her what is the matter.  You had a second chance, but you shrugged your shoulders when she said “If you don’t know, I won’t tell you!”  You had your chances, now the issue has come to a head and

“We need to talk.”

“We need to talk” means “I need to talk, you need to listen.”  Any response of yours that begins with “But, I never, I didn’t know, I tried, I forgot, or what the fuck” will get you a week on the couch, or even worse an appointment with a couples counselor.

Today, while I was reading a book by the pool, my wife leaned over and out of the blue said “We need to talk.”  I had no prior warning.  My vast experience to the “We need to talk” conversation starter told me this was not good, this was very bad.

I thought Mrs. Cranky and I had a relationship without secrets or disguised feelings.  I now assumed I was wrong.  Immediately I apologized for whatever it was that I did.

“Yes, we need to talk, but before we do, I am very sorry, I had no idea how much I hurt you by my actions and I promise I will never make you feel hurt, betrayed or embarrassed again.  I promise!”

“What the Hell are you talking about?  We need to talk about the trip to Disney.  Do you want the regular pass, or the Hopper?”

“Oh.....ah, never mind.....I think the regular pass.”  

“What did you do? Why are you apologizing?”

“Nothing….really….nothing!”

“Hmmm….WE NEED TO TALK!”