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Monday, September 26, 2011



When I was a lad, my family lived in Southern California.  We lived fifteen minutes from Disneyland, except Disneyland was not built yet.  We moved east to Long Island, New York two weeks before Disneyland opened.  I always wanted to go to Disneyland until I became a parent, then I wanted nothing to do with it.  Disney is for kids. 
I have managed to avoid Disney for low these many years until I married Mrs. Cranky.  Mrs. Cranky is one of those “Disney” people.  She can’t have enough Disney, and is a member of the Disney Vacation Club.  As my affection for Mrs. Cranky far outweighs my distaste for Disney I am this week in Orlando with Mrs. C, the step-cranks, the Wannabe Princess, her three Crankettes, and our good friend/guide Elaine.

The flight to Florida was delightful.  We all had separate seats.  The luck of the draw put me next to a nice young man, and his nine month old little girl.  As much as I would like to tell about a horrible trip next to a screaming baby, truth is the little girl was not that bad.  Oh she was a handful for dad, but did not really disturb me.  After two and a half hours of entertaining that little girl, she fell sound asleep in dad’s lap as the plane made its landing approach.

We made it to our Animal Kingdom hotel and have since been to downtown Disney, and The Magic Kingdom.  I have several observations to this point:

1.     Disney is a beautiful place, except there are way too many little kids.

2.     Standing in line for 40 minutes for a 4 minute ride sucks.

3.    Apparently Pirate skeletons are scary as Hell to a three year old.

4.    No matter how much crap you buy a kid, sooner or later you will have to just say no and he will cry, sulk, and be unhappy for an hour.  You might just as well say no from the beginning.

5.     Mickey Mouse is the worst of all the Disney Characters, but he was the first so he symbolizes Disney.  This is a good thing, because mouse ears are easy for little kids to wear.  Duck beaks would be clumsy.

6.    This is a very Wheelchair/L’il Rascal friendly place.  I’ve never seen so many of these devices in one place.  Friendly is fine, but why do these “disabled” patrons get first crack at the busses and go to the front of the lines for rides?  I’m an old man that has been standing for 6 hours.  I am tired and sore as hell, my hip is aching and some clown bumps me just because he is too freaking fat to walk the park?  Damn, he is already sitting, who better to wait?

Today was my first full day at Disney.  We walked and stood, walked and stood from ten till six.  The step-cranks loved it, the Crankettes loved it, the Wannabe Princess loved it, Elaine and Mrs. Cranky loved it.  I am one bad backed, sore muscled, chaffed butted Cranky Old Man.  There are four more days to go.

Let the memories begin!


  1. I'm one of those "Disney" people. I grew up in Southern California, and my family went to Disneyland all the time. Luckily, my husband is also a Disney person, so when we married we bought season passes and would ditch work to go to "The Happiest Place on Earth." We had our priorities straight then. I've never gone more than two days in a row though. Good luck!

  2. Love Disney! But probably would not enjoy it as much with a little one in tow. My kids were older when we went so we could do all the fun rides and stuff.

  3. We live near Disneyland and visit often. I love Disney! Love it. But yea, you make total sense about the people in the wheelchairs getting bumped up to the front of the line. Who are they to complain about long lines when they are SITTING all the time! It's pretty crazy if you think about it. Who thought up that rule, anyways? Walt?

    You know what I hate about Disney? It's not really the kids. It's the parents of the kids. Some can be so rude. One time, I was stuck in the long line for Dumbo next to a family who had a rather large toddler in diapers. How do I know he was still in diapers? Because he smelled like POOP like you would NOT believe. OMG I've smelled some poop in my time (being the mom of nine, yes I certainly have) but this kids' diaper was the WORST. You would THINK that the parents would have smelled it, too. I know they did. But to take the little guy out of the line for a diaper change would mean giving up their spot. And they would rather have the people around them SUFFER and GAG for the next 45 minutes instead of doing that. It was awful.

  4. I am a Disney person. I take my daughter there sometimes more than once a month. We don't play when we go either, we know exactly how to time it so we don't have to wait in line. You are going to catch hell for that wheelchair comment, but it is true. Holy cow! One time there were about 50 of us standing in a lightning storm with our scared children while they loaded a wheelchair on the bus, then just as they are loaded and lightning is crashing, up comes another and we all had to wait all over again. Thought we would never make it out alive!

  5. Oh, good ol' Disney! My spoiled little brats...I mean lovelies have been there several times as Grandma and Grandpa are also a couple of those "Disney People" you were talking about. I love the place, I have to admit; but that's no surprise because I'm often like a 12 yr old on the maturity scale. I am 100% with you on the wheelchair fatties though. 90% of them ARE just lazy fat-f*cks! It is total bullshit they can just motor right on up to the front of the bus lines and get loaded up while those of us who have been patiently waiting are stuck there continuing our attempted balancing act by “comfortably” positioning our kids on the top bar of the line rails cuz our arms have gone numb. What adds to the frustration is how many damn seats those f’ers take up! If you’re going to take up 3-4 seats the least you can do is keep your big ol ass parked in your wheelchair and not take up any more space! It’s strapped down. What’s sad is those who really do need those motorized shin weapons get nothing but daggering stairs too because there are so many frustrated people over how many there are around. It is ridiculous! Wow…here I am off on another tangent! Seriously though – Disney is a pretty cool place. We’ve also stayed at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. Of all the places we’ve stayed, that by far is my favorite. Glad to read you're having a good time! We've never done the Disney cruise so make sure and blog about that too! :^)

  6. I'm a Disney person! I love Disneyland and Disneyworld. We lived in Orange County for a few years when I was a kid and we went a few times, probably mostly because my parents absolutely loved it. They took us on a school day once!
    I haven't been since I was 19 when we visited the States again, but now that I have kids I am trying to talk my husband into saving up to go to the US for our next holiday. Am excited just at the thought!

    And yes - Donald Duck is clearly the best character.

  7.'s never easy to wait for several minutes just for the rides. That's why me and my family have to be early in the venue. More Baby Stroller Rentals would be available earlier too.


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