STUPID HEADLINES 053021
Alabama
lifts 27-year yoga ban in public schools – Finally you allowed to do downward facing dog for 27
years.
Japanese
bullet train driver takes bathroom break as train cruises at 90 mph – Whizzing while whizzing.
Kim Jong
Un bans mullets, skinny jeans – Because the mullet is a stupid funny looking hairstyle. And skinny jeans, because they’re skinny!
Cougar
breaks into Washington man's home, passes out in kitchen – Older women these days…shameful…what, a REAL cougar…never mind.
Maryland
candy store is selling chocolate-covered cicadas: 'Inundated with orders' – I think the orders are “PLEASE
STOP!!” Those things are disgusting.
Utah
woman's headstone has her fudge recipe engraved on the back – The best used-by date is EXPIRED.
Kate
Middleton receives COVID vaccine – And this is news because?
Doctors
afraid of losing license, being sued if they don't affirm patient
self-diagnosis on gender – I’m confused by this gender stuff…does being sued mean going from a Bob
to Sue?
Baltimore
students who failed classes this year will still pass – They also get a small plastic trophy
and a juice box!
FEEL GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK
After scouring the internet for
several days, I regret that there are no Feel-Good news stories this week!
Of course there are no feel good stories. They are rarely reported and usually at the end of the news when most people have fallen asleep. Loved the first headline. Death is pretty much at a ratio of 100%. One out one people will die. The moment we are born we are doomed to die. The irony (for me) will be if I die of Covid :)
ReplyDeletebetty
The thought of seeing Kim Jong Un in skinny jeans does horrible things to my mental health. Once upon a time a doctor told me that obesity was increasing my chance of death. I replied that I was under the assumption that the mortality rate among humans was 100%. The next week I received a letter asking me to find a different doctor.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for the "Used Date Expired" -- that's where we're all headed since death is the top killer.
ReplyDeleteYikes, no feel good stories? That makes me as depressed as the poor fool who gets addicted to chocolate-covered cicadas only to learn they can't have them again for 17 years
ReplyDeleteNow i'm going to go look up that cougar story, i just want to know what in the world the cat passed out from.
ReplyDeleteThat Alabama yoga law DOES however ban the use of any Hindu words, like chanting Ommmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteI venture to speculate that fans of Kate who are not yet vaccinated for whatever reason might now decide to copy her and that would be a good thing.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! My 13-year-old self enjoyed the "whizzing while whizzing!"
ReplyDeleteI don't listen to the news anymore and this is why. A bunch of idiots reporting what they are told to report.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day and week, Joe. ☺
Chocolate covered Cicadas, eeeew. Not for me thanks. So gross. We have perfectly good food to eat why would a person want to eat bugs???
ReplyDeleteit's been a year almost we are not listening news dear Joe ,,hubby strolls on internet if he hear something is needed to know .
ReplyDeleteif they start to present news the way you i will think about it :)
the train one was depressing who was holding the steering while meanwhile ,kidding :)