Stupid Headlines 031019
This week’s stupid headlines and my
stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.
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Group of naturalists break world
record for most naked people on a roller coaster- There is nothing natural about riding
a roller coaster naked!
Billionaire diamond
trader dies during penis enhancement procedure – My rule is not to
post headlines involving serious injury or death, but Holy Cow…a billionaire
getting a penis enhancement procedure?
You can’t have a bigger penis than a Billion dollars in the bank!
Wisconsin man in panda suit sparks
911 call by neighbor who reported 'a big teddy bear' – There just may be some “cabin fever”
in Wisconsin.
George Washington University students
call Colonials moniker 'offensive,' push to change name – I remember worrying about final exams
and where to scrape up enough money to buy beer. I don’t believe anyone ever gave a rat’s
backside about the school’s nickname.
Giant 'glory hole' swallows
California duck – (One
letter away from a fired editor) A duck was swallowed by the damn overflow release, a video of
it was taken by…wait for it, Rick Fowler.
Community residents outraged over '40
Ounce' water bottle packaging – Apparently it resembles a malt liquor bottle, children
could become confused. How I survived
cap guns and candy cigarettes I’ll never know.
Utah legislature passes bill
legalizing sex outside of marriage – But only during months with an “R”.
Ex-wife of $273M lotto winner says
she still doesn't want him back – This dude has been unemployed forever, divorced in October,
the Ex paid him and continues to pay spousal support. The bum even left his winning ticket at the
counter and some nice person turned it in for him to reclaim. Ticket then won. He is such a loser that the ex- would not
take him back even with his 273 million.
This big winner is still a big loser!
BTW, I give
him two years and the 273 mil will be gone and he will be collecting food
stamps.
Vermont town elects 3-year-old goat
to serve as honorary mayor – Three-years-old? That
is way too young to be Mayor!
Was It OK for Trump
to sign Bibles in Alabama visit? – This wouldn’t be an issue except he
signed it “Jesus Christ.”
Florida woman shoots
partner after alcohol-fueled argument over his snoring – I think I would
consider a separate bedroom. (It wouldn’t be Sunday without a Florida story.)
FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE
WEEK:
MLB player plays catch with boy – Slow
week for feel-good stories… Other big leaguer’s
do this, but is a feel-good to me.
Don't forget we survived the horrors of having to drink out water straight out of the kitchen faucet. (40 oz. water bottles)
ReplyDeleteHere's a plausible explanation for the always available Florida stories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UD9LEPML8uk
What a scream. The billionaire snippet made me snort coffee out my nose.
ReplyDeleteThat lotto winner has really stunned me with his lack of class, being a professional slacker and his total selfishness. His ex wife is a winner though. She is free of him and doesn't have to pay his support for at least two years when he will be broke again.
ReplyDeleteJeez, Joe - target-rich environment this week. . .
ReplyDeleteSo, the Wright brothers were even cleverer than I thought, if there were planes before they were even born. . .
And I'm with you - a billion dollars, and all you can think of is, "my penis isn't big enough"?
And what I DON"T want to be is the next group of coaster-riders after the nudists. . .
I wonder if the lotto winner has plans for a penis enlargement.
ReplyDeleteThe panda suit dude...I'm betting it was my brother who lives in northern Wisconsin. It's been a heck of a winter up there and frankly I'd go nuts too. I have a great idea for the ex of the lotto winner. Maybe she could suggest he get a penis enhancement surgery.
ReplyDeleteSweetie's Alma Mater had the mascot "Demons" and they used to yell, "Fork 'em, Demons, fork 'em!" at the football games with the predictable result. Many people objected to the mascot, and some overzealous Christians would talk about how they would never have a winning season with such a mascot. One friend of mine used to tell those people, "we don't lose because of the mascot name, we lose because we have a lousy team!"
ReplyDeleteI so want to un-see that mental image of that roller coaster...
ReplyDelete