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Sunday, March 10, 2019

Stupid Headlines 031019

Stupid Headlines 031019

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.


Group of naturalists break world record for most naked people on a roller coaster- There is nothing natural about riding a roller coaster naked!

Billionaire diamond trader dies during penis enhancement procedure – My rule is not to post headlines involving serious injury or death, but Holy Cow…a billionaire getting a penis enhancement procedure?  You can’t have a bigger penis than a Billion dollars in the bank!

Wisconsin man in panda suit sparks 911 call by neighbor who reported 'a big teddy bear' – There just may be some “cabin fever” in Wisconsin.

George Washington University students call Colonials moniker 'offensive,' push to change name – I remember worrying about final exams and where to scrape up enough money to buy beer.  I don’t believe anyone ever gave a rat’s backside about the school’s nickname.

Giant 'glory hole' swallows California duck – (One letter away from a fired editor) A duck was swallowed by the damn overflow release, a video of it was taken by…wait for it, Rick Fowler.

Community residents outraged over '40 Ounce' water bottle packaging – Apparently it resembles a malt liquor bottle, children could become confused.  How I survived cap guns and candy cigarettes I’ll never know.

Utah legislature passes bill legalizing sex outside of marriage – But only during months with an “R”.

Ex-wife of $273M lotto winner says she still doesn't want him back – This dude has been unemployed forever, divorced in October, the Ex paid him and continues to pay spousal support.  The bum even left his winning ticket at the counter and some nice person turned it in for him to reclaim.  Ticket then won.  He is such a loser that the ex- would not take him back even with his 273 million.  This big winner is still a big loser!

BTW, I give him two years and the 273 mil will be gone and he will be collecting food stamps.

Vermont town elects 3-year-old goat to serve as honorary mayor – Three-years-old?  That is way too young to be Mayor!

Was It OK for Trump to sign Bibles in Alabama visit?This wouldn’t be an issue except he signed it “Jesus Christ.”

Florida woman shoots partner after alcohol-fueled argument over his snoringI think I would consider a separate bedroom. (It wouldn’t be Sunday without a Florida story.)


MLB player plays catch with boy – Slow week for feel-good stories…  Other big leaguer’s do this, but is a feel-good to me.


  1. Don't forget we survived the horrors of having to drink out water straight out of the kitchen faucet. (40 oz. water bottles)
    Here's a plausible explanation for the always available Florida stories:

  2. What a scream. The billionaire snippet made me snort coffee out my nose.

  3. That lotto winner has really stunned me with his lack of class, being a professional slacker and his total selfishness. His ex wife is a winner though. She is free of him and doesn't have to pay his support for at least two years when he will be broke again.

  4. Jeez, Joe - target-rich environment this week. . .

    So, the Wright brothers were even cleverer than I thought, if there were planes before they were even born. . .

    And I'm with you - a billion dollars, and all you can think of is, "my penis isn't big enough"?

    And what I DON"T want to be is the next group of coaster-riders after the nudists. . .

  5. I wonder if the lotto winner has plans for a penis enlargement.

  6. The panda suit dude...I'm betting it was my brother who lives in northern Wisconsin. It's been a heck of a winter up there and frankly I'd go nuts too. I have a great idea for the ex of the lotto winner. Maybe she could suggest he get a penis enhancement surgery.

  7. Sweetie's Alma Mater had the mascot "Demons" and they used to yell, "Fork 'em, Demons, fork 'em!" at the football games with the predictable result. Many people objected to the mascot, and some overzealous Christians would talk about how they would never have a winning season with such a mascot. One friend of mine used to tell those people, "we don't lose because of the mascot name, we lose because we have a lousy team!"

  8. I so want to un-see that mental image of that roller coaster...