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Sunday, March 31, 2019

Stupid Headlines 033119


Stupid Headlines 033119

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.

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Convicted pedophile passes out after getting sentenced to 260 years behind bars - He was hoping for only 130 years.

Apple targets core customers with new credit card – “Core” customers …Really?

 Japan says it will not build 'killer robots' – Actually what they promised was no ‘kirrer lobots’.

Vermont woman, 84, heading to Poland to compete in pole-vaulting championship – After that she plans to go to Finland to compete in swimming.

Stolen Indiana hot air balloon recovered by police – It was about 70’ tall multicolored in a grid pattern and heading west with the wind at about 10 mph, probably not that hard to track and find.

Florida homeless man calls cops to report he paid for sex -- but got scammed – Homeless, but still able to scrape up enough money for sex…maybe next time he makes it COD.  At least he won’t be homeless for a while.

Bride busted for embezzling $93K for her wedding gown and a butt lift – It would have been cheaper to have the dress altered to fit her butt, rather than to get a butt lift to fit the dress.

Phillies fans booed Bryce Harper after his second strikeout on Opening Day – The fans that bombed Santa with snow balls, boos their new zillion dollar star on opening day…I LOVE PHILLY! No, seriously their fans are great.

A 1998 slaying went cold for 20 years -- until the suspect applied for a job – He probably should have left “murderer” of his resume.

Ohio couple accused of having sex on giant spinning Ferris wheel – “Hey, what the Hell, she said she wanted to get off!”

Nicolas Cage claims he was too intoxicated to ‘understand’ his marriage – Being intoxicated was the only thing that made any sense in my last marriage.

THIS WEEKS FEEL-GOOD HEADLINE:

Mom Snaps Viral Picture of a Cable Technician Comforting Her Disabled Son While He Fixes the Internet – Feel-good?  It works for me.














9 comments:

  1. "Homeless Man Under House Arrest"

    Uhhh. . . whose house?

    And you know, we've all wanted to get off when we've been on the ferris wheel at one time or another. . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hope your wife does not read your last comment about marriage.

    Regarding the homeless man. Two scoundrels were brought in before the Judge. He asked the first man: "What's you address?" He replied "No fixed abode!" He asked the second man the same question. He replied, "In the apartment above him!"

    God bless.

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  3. The stupid funny ones are great ~ but the feel good story was really wonderful. How many strangers would soothe a fussy disabled children? We need more people like him ~ compassionate and willing to help.

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  4. I thought the Yankees had picked up the Philly urge to boo when my boy Stanton got a hit and was booed while walking to first. Turns out they were just chanting for the next batter Luuuuuk -- Luke Voit.

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  5. I saw an obit with the headline, John Doe assed away in his sleep.

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  6. Oh, gracious. That feel good story is beautiful. The rest are funny, but that is special.

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  7. At least Florida doesn't put their homeless sex-payers under house arrest!

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  8. Those New Englanders are tough but I guess if you're going to jump over a pole that would be the place to find plenty of them! Hey, where in the heck does Ohio have a giant Ferris wheel? I'm asking for a friend.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ...on giant spinning Ferris wheel...I'm so trying to unsee this now...

    ReplyDelete

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