DUDE I CAN DO THAT
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Thus cranky re-run is from March 2013
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There are certain things that every young man thinks he can do and do really well. Experience should tell most people that if you haven’t tried something or if you only tried something a few times you will probably not be very good at it. This fact of life is true for all but several areas. There are some things that for some reason every dude under the age of 28 thinks they can do really well.
There is something manly or macho about these events that young men will never admit they cannot do them well. All young dudes think they can:
Hold their liquor – You will never hear a twenty year old dude say, “Better water that down a bit, I can’t hold my liquor.”
The truth is, most young men cannot hold their liquor and they don’t know how to drink. The average college age kid cannot drink fast enough. He is in a hurry to get loaded. The result is they are sober and then the booze all kicks in at once. These kids go from sober to bombed in a short time. They experience black-outs and are capable of being incredibly stupid.
Dude save yourself headaches and pain, do yourself a favor and admit, you don’t know how to drink! When it comes to holding your liquor YOU SUCK!
Dude, you may know the rules, you may have won a few games of eightball, but as a real pool player, YOU SUCK!
This man will take your money
Play poker – Like pool, poker is very complicated and difficult to master, yet is easy to play, can be macho in its nature and is a game that all young men think they are really good at playing. There are lots of people who take advantage of this fact and they never have to work.
Dude, you may think you can play poker, but as soon as real money hits the table you are going to became very unlucky. Actually it is not luck; dude YOU SUCK!
Making Love – The young man has not yet been born who will admit that when it comes to sex they do not have a clue. When it comes to sex it is not just young men, all men think they are experts in bed.
Dude, you thought you could hold your liquor and you ended up hugging the toilet bowl.
Dude, you thought you could shoot pool and you lost your shirt.
Dude, you pushed all-in and you ended up all-out.
You suck at drinking, you suck at pool, you suck at poker; ten guesses at how good you probably are in bed.
That’s right; same as me…Freaking awesome!
Picture removed ...(it wasn't pretty)
I knew a not-so-young man a while ago who bragged often about how good he was in bed, but if you spoke to any of his many ex's they all told a far different story. He must have been deaf not to have heard, or perhaps they were all just kind enough to leave him his delusions.
ReplyDeleteSame for girls these days. Jeez, I'd hate to be young again!
ReplyDelete:-)
ReplyDeleteLoved this post, Joe!!
ReplyDeleteYep, I know these guys. Every single one of them back in the day. Bless their hearts. Some get it together, and other go though life never learning a thing.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day, Joe. ☺
That's okay. There's a lot of stuff women can't do worth a darn as well...I just can't think of any right now.
ReplyDeleteAdmitting that you have a lot to learn is a painful thing -- no matter what the gender!
ReplyDeleteWhere were you when I need you? I married one of those and dated the rest.
ReplyDeleteYou obviously don't know who I think I am. ;)
ReplyDeleteEven as a young man, I used to do decently well in poker games with my buddies, just by refusing to stay in on worthless hands. Most of 'em would insist on seeing every damn card (and throwing in all the required bets to do so), before admitting they had nothing. . .
ReplyDeleteAnd I probably shouldn't say anything about young guys and their lovemaking prowess (I mean, the chances that my wife would ever read this are minuscule, but still. . .)
Two of Genius's freshman-year suitemates got arrested after thinking they could hold their liquor. They stole two bicycles, rode them across campus, explored the new Chemistry building under construction, and ran from the police once handcuffed. Four charges. A weekend in jail. High-dollar lawyers.
ReplyDeleteGenius and the remaining suitemate wondered why they didn't come home. Then they got a phone call from one of the mothers. They took the prisoners some "whites" so they didn't have to buy socks and underwear from the jail. Pretty sure lessons were learned by all four boys. The jailbirds were released, spent a year fretting over criminal records, then managed to get off with fines and public service.
I think it was a sobering experience.
There's a learning curve for pretty much everything, but too many people don't figure that out early enough.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Your blog is one I always look forward to reading.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I'm an old dude and I suck at a lot of those things though experience has taught me to never drink fast :)
ReplyDeleteR
I'm a really old dude and I continue to suck at all the stuff you have mentioned here. At some stuff I suck even more than I did when I was young. That's life..
ReplyDeleteI openly admit I can't do any of those things...except for the last one. I won't admit to anything about the last one.
ReplyDelete