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Sunday, March 26, 2017


This cranky re-run is from March 2013
I was watching the TV show “Cops” the other day and it became crystal clear to me that I would be a lousy cop.

I do not like or know how to shoot a gun, so that would be bad.  I am a confirmed chicken and do not like confrontation, so that would be bad.  I am not that fast a runner, so if there was a chase that would be bad.  I cannot wear a suit without getting it wrinkled or stained, my shoes never looked polished never mind spit shined, so that would be bad.  All these factors would make me a lousy cop, but the number one reason that was driven home to me while watching the show was I believe every perpetrator’s excuse.

In this particular episode, cops arrived at the scene of a shooting.  The alleged perpetrator was found with a pistol in his hand.  The pistol was smoking.  A man who was hit by a grazing shot to the leg was screaming and pointing at the perp, “That’s the guy!  He shot me.  Arrest him!”

The cops grab the man and disarm him.  They put him in cuffs, pat him down and find a bag of cocaine.  

“What’s this?”

“Man I ain’t never seen that before.  I don’t know nuthin.  I was walking down the street, I hear a gun shot and then this dude bumps into me and runs away.  Next thing I know he put this gun in my hand, and he must have dropped that bag of coke in my pocket.”

The victim steps in.

“Officer this guy was trying to take my watch, I resisted and he pulled a gun.  It went off and grazed my leg here.”

“Naw man, you crazy it was the guy…the guy what bumped into me.  He went that way, ran like a mother-whater!”

As the cops were throwing him into their patrol car and doing that Miranda thing I’m thinking, “Hey it could be.  Maybe someone else shot the guy and planted the coke and the smoking gun on this poor sap.  Why not?  The guy that was shot could be in shock and misinterpreted the events.  How can the police be sure he isn’t telling the truth?  Shouldn’t they run after and look for the guy who planted the gun on the perp?"

It’s probably a good thing I’m not a cop.


  1. I respect police men and I realize the tremendous danger they put themselves into when they are watching out for the public safety. Having said that, I don't like some police. I've seen profiling and their antics used on some people. I would have a hard time doing such things, so that is why I would make a lousy cop.


  2. Oh heck, Joe, that perp is lying through his teeth! Listen to what he says," dude bumps into me and runs away. Next thing I know he put this gun in my hand, and he must have dropped that bag of coke in my pocket.”
    It's right there. BUMPS INTO ME AND RUNS AWAY.
    THEN he puts the gun in his hand and drops the cocaine in his pocket? AFTER he has run away?

    I do know with complete certainty that I could never be a cop either. Lousy or otherwise.

  3. I couldn't even be a crossing guard!!

  4. Oh, I thought everyone in the US possessed a gun. Good on ya, Joe.

  5. You and me both.
    This story does sound quite ridiculous... however... what about that 1% chance of something like that happening!!!

  6. Police have a very tough job, i know i couldn't do it.

  7. My husband has been watching the live version of Cops the last two weekends. There's some crazy sh*t going on out there!

  8. I wouldn't want to be a policeman, nor a tv policeman either.

  9. Thank God there are those that can be! As long as it's not me!

  10. I love being a cop. It was what I was meant to do.

    Follow the evidence. Always follow the evidence. There are many ways to prove or disprove what you've been told.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

  11. Maybe someone will show up with the video. :)

  12. Nice that you can see both sides of the argument though.

  13. Among other things, I often find myself representing tenants in eviction hearings.

    The first eviction hearing II ever went to, my client actually used the line, "Those crack pipes were in my apartment when I moved in."

    I was young and naive and sort of believed it.

    The judge wasn't.

  14. It's possible you'd make a bad cop, but if you'd believe every excuse I'd love to play poker with you.

  15. Think you have made a good non-career choice. I am so nonviolent that I could only successfully arrest those anxious to go to jail for the roof and 3 squares.

  16. Exactly...that could be true. Thank you for believing in excuses. I like you a lot! :)


    1. Oh and you should probably not volunteer for jury duty either. I'm just saying.

  17. I say lock 'em all up and let Judge Judy sort it out.

    I took our city's Civilian Police Academy and found it fascinating. The roll playing, the ability to diffuse a situation, and the training that enables them to make split-second decisions...WOW! It is an INCREDIBLY difficult job, not to mention dangerous. We're lucky they want to do the job. Not many of us could do it.

  18. It's nice that you believe in humanity, and want to see people in the best light in such a situation.

    However, after 28 years of teaching, and five years of taking statements of the unemployed and their unemployers...I have a pretty good BS detector.

    That said, the only things I have that would make me cop-worthy are my suspicious nature and desire that rules be followed. I don't think that's enough to protect and to serve.

  19. I'm glad I'm not a cop...real life or TV.

  20. I would of liked to have been a cop when I was young. Back them they confined female cops doing office and paperwork. No I would have wanted to be a detective eventually. I have a good friend who is a LA detective. She is close to retiring now.

  21. I could never be a police officer. I could never be a fire fighter. I could never be in the military. I would be afraid to put myself in harm's way. I'm a wimp.


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