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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF


DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF
 
Mrs. Cranky has several peccadillos.  For one thing she likes older men.  All her peccadillos are not a bad thing.  Mrs. C is very particular about her stuff.  She does not like to throw away any of her stuff regardless of its condition or function.  Does anyone need a VCR tape rewind machine?  I would not call Mrs. Cranky a hoarder.  She is thrifty. She is not a hoarder, but she might just be one bump in the head from being on a reality TV show.

I have learned not to mess with Mrs. C’s stuff, and if I do use something, I know it must be put back in its place.  Sometimes I slip up.

The other day Mrs. C was looking for her snow shovel.  Generally our walks are cleared by our townhouse association for which we pay a handsome fee.  This day they were not yet cleared and we had ordered a pizza to be delivered.  Mrs. C wanted to clear the snow from the walk so “We won’t get our ass sued by the delivery guy if he slips.”

The shovel is supposed to be in the hall closet.  “The hall closet” you say?  Yes, the hall closet.  See this shovel is a plastic piece of crap about three feet long with a six inch wide blade.  It is the kind of shovel you give to a grandchild.  It probably cost $2.98.  It is nearly useless for its intended purpose, but it is the perfect size for storing in the hall closet.

The shovel was not where it was supposed to be.  Someone had moved it.  There are only two people in our house; I was clearly guilty of using the shovel and not returning it to its proper place.

“WHERE IS THE SHOVEL?”

Maybe in the garage?

“What good is it in the garage; we have to go through the snow to the garage to get the shovel to remove the snow!”

What is the big deal, I’ll get it.”

“Why is it in the garage?”

“Cause when I last used it I must have been by the garage.  Call me crazy, but I always leave shovels in a garage, not a hall closet.”  

“Just don’t touch and use my stuff.”

“Ok, ok I’ll go get your damn shovel.”

“And shovel the walk on your way back!”

You told me not to use your stuff.

“Just shovel the damn walk, the delivery dude will be here soon…and oh yeah, you’re a jerk!”

 

She has some strange ways, but still, I gotta love me some Mrs. Cranky!
 
"I Used to be Stupid" is available on Amazon KINDLE and Barnes and Noble NOOK. 

16 comments:

  1. Hhhmm, your wife may actually be a relative of mine. She and I have similar views on the merits of someone messing with our stuff.

    So tell my cousin I said "Hi".

    Oh and yes, hands off my stuff!

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  2. You're OK, but I'm in love with your wife!!

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  3. Uneless they experiment with drugs all women are the same.

    Allen
    http://funnybabyvids.com

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  4. "It is nearly useless for its intended purpose, but it is the perfect size for storing in the hall closet." <--- That totally cracked me up. It's right up there with things that are totally useless but were on sale.

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  5. What possible use could you have for that puny shovel in the garage. If you were scooping up oil soaked kitty litter you're in big trouble.

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  6. I'm with Mrs. C. on this one.
    I sort of know where everything is, even if it is in a messy pile of stuff. If anyone tries to straighten up the pile I am in big trouble.... and so are they.

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  7. I am pretty much on the same level with the mr. around here. Mostly because he loses my sh!t and then I end up really losing my sh!t if you know what I mean.

    It's never the cheap crap either, no, no... always go for the good expensive stuff and then either lose it or break it. *sigh*

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  8. So just declare the stove, dishwasher, washer, dryer, vacuum cleaner, window washing bucket /squeege, mop, broom, windex, Ajax, etc all hers. Then DON'T TOUCH HER STUFF! More time for blogging and golfing for you. ;)

    S

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  9. How funny, I had a shovel with a blue plastic blade that my hubby used to tease me about. He said it wasn't really a good snow shovel, but for me it was great because it was light and I could lift it easily. Strangely enough, hubby kept swiping that no good shovel!

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  10. Hm...for some reason, I am picturing armadillos stacked in a hall closet. Probably next to some old SNL videotapes featuring Emily Litella.

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  11. Think of what your mother and father would say!

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  12. Ah I love reading the dialogue between you two. It warms my heart <3

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