WHY I RUIN GOOD SHIRTS DOING
CHORES
It is Cranky re-run Monday. This post is from March 2012
Sometimes, I admit, we just do not think. If we see something that needs fixing while
wearing a good clean shirt our one track minds go right to the task without even
thinking of the consequences of dirt or grime.
Often, however, the fault lies at the clean freak gene that makes up
every woman’s DNA.
Women do not save dirty shirts. When a shirt gets a stain it gets thrown
away. Often it gets thrown away as a
penalty to her man for soiling the garment in the first place. Dig in the garden in a clean shirt; it will
get thrown away. Do a quick paint
touchup and drip onto your new shirt; it gets thrown away. Fix a sticky door and get grease on your
shirt; it gets thrown away. Spaghetti
sauce on your new shirt? Bye bye new
shirt.
“Look what you’ve done! Now I have to throw it
away!”
The next time the man plans to do a dirty job he
cannot find a dirty shirt to work in.
They have all been thrown away.
While I was married to the unstable wife, I had a
beautiful pair of overalls. They were 60
years old. They were my Dad’s. They were broken in and comfortable. Paint and oil stains covered 80% of these
overalls. The overalls had multiple
pockets and hooks to carry hammers and screwdrivers. I loved those overalls. I kept them in my smelly basement on a hook
by my tools.
When I prepared to work on a dirty job, I always
put on the overalls. Even if I wore a
good shirt underneath, the overalls protected everything. If I got paint on my hands, I could just wipe
it on the overalls without guilt. They
were perfect.
One day the wife assigned a painting project to
me. I bought the paint, purchased new clean brushes and taped off all
the molding. I removed everything that could be moved and covered everything
else with a tarp. Fully prepared to
start the job, I went into the basement to pull on my
overalls.
They were gone!
They were not on their hook by the tools! I went into panic mode. The wife
noticed.
“What is wrong with
you?”
“I
can’t find my overalls.”
“Where were
they?”
“In the basement on a hook by my
tools.”
“That dirty old
thing?”
“Yes, that dirty old
thing.”
“I
threw it away; it was covered with oil, dirt and paint. It could never be
cleaned.”
“What!!
Being dirty, oily and paint covered is what made them perfect. They could not be ruined. Plus they were super comfortable, and they
were my Dad’s. They were covered with my
Dad’s dirt, my Dad’s oil, and my Dad’s paint.
I loved that pair of overalls!”
“I’m sorry; I’ll get you a brand new
pair.”
My
wife did buy a brand new pair of overalls.
Crisp, clean, shiny and starchy.
They even smelled brand new. They
were about 100 washing machine cycles away from being
comfortable.
I
never wore those new overalls. I
couldn’t do it. I could not bring myself
to get them dirty, and they reminded me of losing my Dad.
I
painted that room in a new clean shirt.
It was a shirt that my wife had bought me that I never liked. I wiped paint drips all over it. When I was done with the room that shirt was
an unclean-able mess.
When I was through cleaning up and putting the room
back together again, I tore that shirt off and
threw-it-the-fuck-away.
When the unstable-one left me for her "Big" several years
later, those new overalls remained in the basement. I never wore them and refused to take them
with me.
That is why I ruin good shirts doing dirty chores.
I remember this from the first time round Joe - it touched my heart then as it does now.
ReplyDelete“Look what you’ve done! Now I have to throw it away!”
ReplyDeleteI kinda-sorta heard the same thing when The Second Mrs. Pennington threw away all the love letters I'd saved from other wimmen. They were gonna be the basis of a book, but alas.
It's MY story and I'll tell it the way I want.
My dad had a really worn pair of overalls. When he passed I gave them to our son, who wears them proudly when he works on his cars.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was, or at least professed to be, incapable of doing ANY chores. He never touched a paint brush, oil can, or hammer that I can remember. So....no overalls.
ReplyDeleteBut I have a closet full of old, stained T-shirts and shorts that I use for dirty chores. In fact most of my wardrobe looks like old, stained T-shirts and shorts. I have a very understanding wife. :)
S
You never cease to delight me.
ReplyDelete"The next time the man plans to do a dirty job he cannot find a dirty shirt to work in. They have all been thrown away."
Another absolutely perfect blog. I laugh, I cry. Sigh.
(being that I have to be the one to do all the dirty chores around here, I have a closet piled high with all the stained shirts a person could ever need in one lifetime...let me know when you need some)
My husband had a pair of coveralls that he kept in the barn for doing dirty work in cool weather. One fall he put them on and reached his hands into the pockets. He pulled out handfuls of hairless pink baby mice. According to his teenage sons, he "squealed like a little girl" and peeled off those coveralls as fast as he could. "I thought he was going to cry."
ReplyDeleteHe burned the coveralls himself.
my college kids buy overpriced tshirts of their colleges for my husband..they look so nice and new and clean...and he wears them to the gym!!!!! or for a run! or to clean the garage. i told him he has to "save" them so he looks nice for when we go somewhere, but he doesn't listen, so it's not my fault he never looks nice.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. (No wonder she's an EX-wife!)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe she threw them away... a pair of stained overalls next to your tools... how could she not put that together?
ReplyDeleteI must be some sort of weird woman - every shirt I own has some sort of stain on it. I can't throw them away. Instead I save them thinking they will be my work shirts, but I still manage to get new shirts stained. I've taken to buying vets to wear when I go out to cover the stains.
ReplyDeleteI love overalls - my dad was famous for his.
Great post.
Man, I really would have been pissed too! You should have took your dirty shirt and stuck in her underwear drawer when you were done with it!
ReplyDelete