More Emails to Cranky

More Emails to Cranky

“Email, I get email, I get lots of funny email”

I get lots of funny email every month, you probably do as well.  If you have already seen these, then just skip them…duh…if you haven’t seen them yet:

Enjoy Email to Cranky March 2013:

From  Frat Brother and fellow cranky old man – Marty K.

A BLONDE JOKE

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. 

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.
Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

 

From Lo at "It's always something"
 http://loisstearns.blogspot.com/ 
One of several “famous comebacks”

Winston Churchill vs. Lady Astor

 

Brenda is also picking on blondes with this one:

Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

 

Scott Z. sent this one on “Learning to cuss”

 

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.

WHACK!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.

His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

 

My SIL Judy sent me this explanation of “Piss Poor” (The editor in my SIL advises it should read "We older people")
 

Us older people need to learn something new every day... 

Just to keep the grey matter tuned up.

Where did "Piss Poor" come from? Interesting history.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot.

And then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery ...

if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor". 

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...

They "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

 

This comes from Frat Brother Fast Freddy J.
 

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota  (that would be ' North Dakota ' for you non - Scandahoovians). 

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.

Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk.

When he grabs her teat and pulls ... the cow farts.

Ole is very surprised.

He looks at the farmer, then reaches under the cow to try again. 

He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. 

Milk does squirt out however, so after some discussion Ole decides to buy the cow.

When he gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."

Sven reaches down, pulls her teat - and the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole and says,

"You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"

Ole is so surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.

"Yah, dats right ......... But how did you know?" 

"My wife's from Nordakota."

 

 

 

 

Finally, from cousin Nils - "Some dogs in the doghouse"

 

I completely destroyed this antique chair barking at the dog next door

 

I'm Fern and I destroyed our BBQ while trying to lick the grease pan.  Shame on me.

 

I’m looking for one from Frat Brother Squeak but I got nothing…where are you Squeak?

 

Tune in next month for more Emails to Cranky.