STUPID HEADLINES 032413

STUPID HEADLINES 032413

 It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments

Who'd a thunk it?

Britney Spears Flashes Her Bare Bottom at Sons’ Soccer Game & Wins Most Embarrassing Mom – Honey Boo Boo’s mom loses close vote as Britney backs in.

North Carolina church vows to stop marriages until same-sex couples can wed – This is just Liberalism run wild!  It should be first come, first serve.  The same-sex couples should have to wait their turn to marry just like everyone else.

Lindsey Vonn, Tiger Woods Dating – Golfer is paired with world class skier.  He thought getting wacked by a two iron was bad; has he even heard of ski poles?

Employees Tracked With 'Productivity' Sensors – “Hey it looks like solitaire, but I’M THINKING!!”

See-through pants problem causes Lululemon recall – So is “Lululemon recall” psycho-babble for “I remember what an ass looks like?”

Florida school bus driver fights suspension for taking call from Marine son – There were no children on the bus, and if she lost the call she could not speak to her son for another month; unfortunately rules today do not allow people to think.

Best Bang for Your Buck: Where to Travel for Your Next Vacation – I never thought I’d ever see an ad for where to get the best bang on vacation.

DHS questioned over decision to let Saudi passengers skip normal passport controls – Well it’s been a long time since a Saudi has flown a plane into one of our buildings and murdered thousands of people so…

Rare Chinese Bowl Bought for $3, Sells for $2.2 Million – Why would an idiot buyer pay so much for a $3 bowl?  Didn’t he know the bowl was over 1000 years old and had a nick on it?  For 2.2 million it should be brand new and perfect.

Massachusetts principal calls off Honors Night because it could be 'devastating' to students who missed mark – We wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  They probably should also halt raises of Principals who perform the best…Oh wait they get paid by years of service, not by their effectiveness so…

University of Tennessee Pulls Funding for “Sex Week” – Funding was stopped when the entire co-ed student body came down with a headache.

Ancient afterglow of Big Bang shows universe older than previously thought – If an ancient afterglow of a big bang is an indication of age, than I’m older than I previously thought.

Quiz given fifth-grader blames U.S. for 9/11 attacks, Texas mother claims – Well, if we didn’t build those buildings they would not have been knocked down.  At least the test made no mention of God, Jesus, a cross, or a fish.

Democratic Party official makes students ‘stomp on Jesus'– University Of Florida apologizes for the class Lesson, “From now on ‘stomping on Jesus’ will be replaced by ‘Kissing Mohammad’s ass.’”

Want a pet? Adopt an endangered elephant – But first check with your homeowners association rules.

Arkansas man reportedly admits to fake knife attack so he could impress woman – I don’t know about Arkansas, but in Jersey the women are seldom impressed when you attack them with a knife.

Woman’s breast implant falls out of chest – And you know it always happens when you are late for work

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